I had sort of a crisis this morning. I’ve long complained that I never signed a contract with these people but what was freaking me out particularly is that I don’t even have a copy of any contract in my possession. Since I have no documentation I have no idea how I could ever be paid. I certainly can’t rely on their honesty and business ethics.
They certainly owe me, and owe me substantial considering that their thorough slander campaign has been going on since I was in grade school and has completely devastated any life they ever allowed me to build up in the first place. On top of this they have stolen all my work. Everything I have ever written or drawn, and used it to make money for themselves, and they do all this openly out in public. At the same time they have made it impossible for me to get so much as a penny for myself out of my efforts. Because of their unethical use of the airwaves I can’t get any kind of work, let alone anything creative.
Anyway I then speculated about a bunch of reasons why I will likely get paid eventually, like maybe the money is supposed to come to me from an investment my grandfather made for me, or maybe the contracts and paperwork for all this business are in the hands of a disinterested third party or firm, and besides, everybody knows about this damned show so the public will naturally take if for granted that I’m to be paid at some point. In fact I imagine they must have given a date for this payday at some point in the broadcast, but again, my ‘imagination’ is no substitute for a legally binding contract actually in my possession.
I am forced to speculate and imagine a lot about this business since I am routinely lied to by everyone.
For instance I have always imagined that after it’s finally over they will milk more drama out of the situation by confronting me with a condensed presentation of this series on camera, to get my reaction and, I suppose, to try and shame me with a catalog of my supposed offences and crimes. Kind of like an evil version of the old TV show, “This is your Life”, but again, this is only my imagination talking. I got the idea from that “This Was your Life” religious tract that I’m pretty sure was planted for me to find in the desk in my family’s living room back when I was nine or ten years old. It’s a logical deduction considering the overall bizarreness of this situation, but the fact remains that I don’t really have any idea how this is supposed to end.
I do know that they want to get rid of me and that they’ve been trying to get me to do that for them for quite some time now. In fact I was recently thinking about the whole debacle where Dana Brownfield (the director of this hellish fiasco) rendered me homeless back in 2007 and now I’m convince that that wasn’t necessarily the most desired outcome of her luring me into her home back in 2003. The only reason things may have ended that way was because I was very upset when I began to realize that her entire property was bugged and I said I should smash her computer and I even pushed the tower dramatically, not enough to tip it over, but just to emphasize my point. Yes, the place was definitely bugged so she both saw and heard the entire performance. The very next day she unexpectedly burst into my room in the basement with that fat lout friend of hers “Robert” and started boxing up all my things. Mysteriously, even though they could have thrown me out that very night she announced that I could stay another day. A very weird and seemingly counterproductive decision since she wanted me out of there ASAP. I could never figure it out why she did that. It certainly wasn’t out of any kind of generosity, but then I remembered something that I had long ago forgotten because it made no sense to me at the time. I heard her telling fatso upstairs that she gave me another day, then I heard some mumbling, then one of them, I can’t remember which, said, “…and hopefully it will be his last!”. “Of course it will be my last”, I thought, “I don’t see how I can possibly continue to stay here once they kick me out and change all the locks!”. Remember, through Anne Hunt she had, again, got me involved with hard drugs. I honestly think she was hoping that I, depressed at the prospect of being thrown out of my home when I had no friends and absolutely nowhere to go, would take refuge in more drugs than usual and OD. Of course dying on her property would create a certain amount of annoyances and inconveniences for her, but what an awesome way for them to end that decades old series of theirs, me actually dying of a drug overdose on camera! I’m sure she thought she’d go down in television history for all time ending their long running series like that! It would just wrap everything up so neatly! They could edit it into a motion picture and even take the moral high ground by promoting its decidedly “anti-drug” message! (Never mind that it was they who intentionally got me involved with drugs in the first place!) Also I wouldn’t be around to accuse or contradict them concerning anything said about or done to me on that show.
They’d have absolute and complete control over that entire narrative for all time, after all, that’s the eternal wet dream of today’s media.
I don’t suppose anyone should be surprised that she once confessed to me that she had political asperations. She’d fit right in!
Although all the promotional material I’ve read stated that C. Wilson wrote this book at 17 or 18, that’s actually somewhat deceptive, apparently, since I’ve also read that he rewrote it at least twice since the original draft he penned in his notebooks in 1950. He revised it for its initial publication in 1955 when he was riding the wave of his newfound celebrity after being showered with praise from Britain’s literary world following the publication of his first book, “The Outsider”. Then, still not being entirely happy with it, he edited it again for republication in 1960. Since the copy I read was published in the 1970s its safe to assume it was this final draft that I read.
Despite all the hype it doesn’t deliver quite the stomach churning morbid gruesomeness that the advertisements and reviews seem to promise. It’s actually a very “British” book, so it’s very polite and inoffensive. The story focuses on an aspiring writer, Gerard Sorme, who gets acquainted with a homosexual named Austin Nunne while attending a Nijinsky exhibit in London. His new friend is very wealthy, bored and somewhat jaded. We later find out that he is a person of interest in an international investigation concerning a series of particularly sadistic murders. What I find odd about this is since Nunne is so unapologetically homosexual it seems unusual that nearly all his victims have been women. Although the book suggests this may be the result of some dynamic between him and his mother, and resentment towards women in general, I confess I don’t know enough about abnormal psychology to know how common this sort of thing is. I would imagine that since gays are attracted to the same gender that their sex crime victims would all be men or boys. His first murder, the one that first brought him to the attention of the police, was a male prostitute he met in Germany, yet he focused exclusively on women after that, committing most of his subsequent homicides in Jack the Ripper’s old stomping grounds, Whitechapel.
The main character, Gerard, is obviously modeled after the author, so he is portrayed as fiercely heterosexual. This is underscored by the fact that, later on in the the book, he seduces two of Austin’s female relations, his middle-aged aunt, who is a Jehovah’s Witness, and her 16-year-old niece, Not quite in that order, though that’s how most people would assume it happened.
The book was engaging and pleasurable to read, but we don’t really learn much about what motivates these thrill killers. Also, what I found annoying was that he spent a lot of time conflating sadistic serial murderers with German National Socialists in World War two. I guess that’s to be expected since it was originally written in the early 50s when all that war-time propaganda would still be fresh in people’s minds. Maybe it’s because the modern mind has been deluded with so much propaganda designed specifically to keep people asleep and in the dark that we can’t seem to solve many of our most basic social problems and everything has been getting progressively worse for the past 80 years.
Also, as a side note he also meets a painter through Austin who was emotionally involved with a thirteen year old girl. Near the end of the book it was revealed that he never molested her sexually, but, since it was the mid fifties one had to tread rather lightly around the topic of pedophilia. I like Wilson’s work despite the fact he tried to perpetuate a lot of the stuff the elites were pushing at the time. He was obviously very intelligent and knew what he had to do to get ahead. He knew what his publishers wanted. Nobody ever goes broke appealing to people’s prurient interests, but what’s ironic is his career was quickly threatened by a sort of sex scandal even as he was bathing in the initial glow of the international renown his first published book had earned him. Seemed he had a notebook in which he was recording his ideas for another book on sex murders he was preparing to write and this book was found by his mistress’ father who went to the police with it. Later, not long afterwards, someone stole all his private notebooks and journals and sold them to some newspapers, who had an absolute field day with the material they provided, printing a lot of excerpts from them, entirely taken out of context, of course. Because of my own life experience I can totally sympathize with the humiliation he underwent because of that incident. Mine is much worse actually and goes on till this day, so let me rephrase that: if he were still alive he may have some idea of what I am forced to go through.
Even though Wilson frequently deals with sensational topics I still like his work since it is so well researched and I can tell that the subject matter genuinely interests him, intellectually, of course. Though he didn’t manage to answer too deeply any serious questions I may have had about serial killers he does a pretty good job of it in some of his later works.
A full list of all his published works are available on his Wikipedia page.
I was reading Bilal’s “Exterminator 17” where mention was made of this book. The character who mentioned it said it was about how chaos occasionally needed to be injected into systems to keep them strong, the same way vaccines, which are made from the germs they are to protect you from, are shot into the human body to keep us fit. That’s not exactly what he said but that’s how I remember interpreting it at any rate. I won’t say that that is my own interpretation of the book now that I have read it, but this explanation was sufficiently quirky enough to arouse my curiosity and motivate me to read it.
Of course I found the name of the book interesting and assumed it was just something invented by the writer as a sort of plot device, or just something mysterious for his character to talk about. Curious title for a book you must admit. I was very pleased when I checked the Amazon website and found that it was the name of an actual book. The book is 111 years old as of this post, so it’s entertained a number of generations by now. I read the reviews and they all raved about it. Personally I love Victorian and Edwardian literature, but all too often, when I read customer reviews of 19th century and much early 20th century works, people will moan about how hard they are to focus on and understand, but this one seemed to be universally complimented and appreciated. Naturally I bought it.
I almost hate myself for saying this, especially since everybody loved the book so much, but, probably because it was given such an enthusiastic build up, I was a bit disappointed with it. Please don’t mistake me, I thought it was very interesting and entertaining and all that, and I’m sure, if God grants me the time, I will read more books by the author, G. K. Chesterton, in the future, but it wasn’t quite the page turner I expected it to be. Oh well, I suppose this is all merely proof of how subjective tastes are. It could also be that I have been in something of a funky mood lately. I don’t know.
I could certainly relate to the story on some level. Like the main guy in the book, I don’t like playing games, but, also like him, if I find myself sucked into someone else’s game I’m perfectly capable of playing along. Sometimes you really don’t have any other choice.
It was a bit of a twist during what was perhaps the most dramatic part of the book where they think they are being shot at and chased by an entire town of anarchists and it turns out they were actually being chased and shot at by normal citizens who thought that they were the anarchists.
As I mentioned before, my interpretation of the books meaning differed quite a bit from that of the source that recommended it to me. It was clearly that good and evil spring from the same source so, although it’s an eternal struggle, everything is just as it should be. Maybe it’s a personal inclination due to my recent history, but I feel books like this, that have the message, “Don’t worry too much about anything, all is right with the universe” and whose purpose it seems to be to encourage people to give up the struggle and not take their ideals quite so seriously, are somewhat dangerous in a way. Maybe it’s just me thinking back to when I was trapped, living in the Devil’s basement and her telling me I was merely being paranoid by worrying that there was a weird conspiracy working against me, or her constantly telling me that “nothing matters”, when all the while she really was plotting my demise, that makes me wary of this kind of thing. It is true that I did manage to escape safely and have since found myself in a much nicer situation, so perhaps it is true that everything is okay with the world (my world at any rate), but, when times are good it’s easy to forget the struggle we had to undergo to get the nice life we are now enjoying.
At any rate, please don’t let my misgivings disuade you from reading this book if you are looking for something fun to read. It’s a fun, light romp through a delightful turn of last century fantasy land. I think it would especially be a favorite of intelligent teens and young adults. Too bad I didn’t read it at that age as I’ve no doubt I’d have especially enjoyed it.
I’m sure, based on their behavior, that most of the people who watch that show soak it up like a blotter- but just like blotters they get it all backwards. For instance, they’re not slandering me because I’ve said bad things about them, I’ve said bad things about them because they’ve been slandering me all my life. Also, they didn’t make this show about me because I’m so weird and I do strange things, I do weird things because they have been making this covert show about me. Something like this where everybody is always sneaking around you and lying to you fucks with your head. You shouldn’t need me to tell you that being spied on and lied to all your life while they are constantly insulting you behind your back to the public starts to drive you a little crazy after a few years, and in my case its been going on for nearly half a God damned century. Being the victim of a bizarre conspiracy like this all your life is bound to unhinge you a bit, so sure, I may be a little crazy but at least I’m just crazy enough to keep from going all out insane.
This whole thing has been a trial since the beginning but it’s been getting much worse lately. I don’t like to socialize much anymore because whenever I talk to people they are never reacting to me, just the impression of me created by that hokey show. When people make a big deal about me, and get all excited to see me and act like they admire me, they are only reacting to a flattering episode of that show. I’m not comfortable with that. Of course, much more often, people are hostile and antagonistic towards me, and again they are acting on an artificial impression of me created by the magic of television. The whole thing is weird and makes me very uncomfortable. I never wanted to be a TV star. Despite what you may think that show is not a public service announcement or a documentary, it’s just entertainment. Entertainment works by stirring up strong emotions in people so they feel like they are experiencing something real. In this way they get to escape their everyday lives. Usually this is harmless because these strong emotions are spent on ficticious characters. Unfortunately, in this instance, they are using a real person, me, to project their imaginary character onto. While their made up person lives in the fantasy land they have created, I have to live out in the real world with the people who watch that damned show, and it seems many of them can’t tell reality from fiction so they dump all the feelings that the show stirs up on me. It’s very irresponsible of the show’s producers and very unpleasant for me. This situation makes nothing but trouble for me. Of course, since everyone behaves so strangly towards me I can’t have a serious discussion with anyone. It would seem the only option available for me would be some kind of therapy, but even that has been ruined by this cornball television series.
I’ll be honest, keeping this journal, and writing in general, has helped me much more that therapy ever has. I mean, think about it, therapy, especally for me, is nothing but a cheap farce. I don’t want to talk about anything too personal since my sessions have always been broadcast to strangers all over the world, many of which are terribly jealous of me and/or wish me the most painful of deaths for one reason or another, AND these therapists and psychiatrists all feel they have to act like my most seriois problem, being that viscious television show that has been maligning me to the public and weighing me down very close to the ground my entire life, doesn’t even exist. It amazes me that these “professionals” have little or no ethics and are actually comfortable lying to me like that. There is also a disturbingly sadistic eement to all this where they keep insiting I need powerful antipsychotics. Even if we pretend that show really is nothing but an elaborate delusion of mine I’m not a danger to myself or the community and I’m perfectly comfortable talking about other things. It kind of frightens me how badly these people want to chemically lobotomise me with unnecessary and inappropriate medication. I wonder how they’ll act when all this is finally over and the truth is officially revealed to me. “Sorry I was so eager to dope you up and risk permenant brain damage with powerful experimental drugs, but you must understand I had to protect that show that was destroying your life at all costs! Some already rich people were using it to get much, much richer at your expense so I felt it was my duty to protect them from your potential interference”. Disgusting. People make me sick sometimes.
Even though I found out over ten years ago I still have a hard time believing that early on some people went around behind my back and made me into a celebrity and that everyone has been lying to me my entire life about what has actually been going on. I did notice a long time ago that I could pretty much get away with anything, this is a fact I’ve never fully taken advantage of because I do have an underlying moral code, despite what their childish show may be telling everyone. Of course, the world being what it is, these people never intended to do me any favors by all this. The very concept behind this show, basically an ongoing candid camera episode no one tells me I’m in, is made to be toxic to me. Add in the fact that these people have been working hard behind the scenes for decades to lead me into a plethora of unhealthy temptations and to set me up in situations calculated both to make me look bad and put me in danger and their harmful intentions should be obvious. They have been exploiting me all my life to generate money for themselves. More recently they have been giving me a few hard final squeezes before tossing my used up carcass into the trash once I’m completely spent. What lovely people. Thinking back on this whole experience I can see that it has been their intention from the very beginning to get rid of me at the end so they can keep my share of the proceeds, and to keep on milking the character they’ve made of me for years to come. That’s what seems to be happening based on things I have heard people say.
This is terrible. Apparently I will be due an incredibly large amount of money in the not too distant (hopefully) future. The amount is, evidently so large that certain already incredibly wealthy people have decided they will do anything it takes to get it for themselves. I don’t know precisely how it works, but apparently if anything happens to me they will get either all of it or most of it. I have a few theories of how that could happen but I won’t bore you with them just now. So yes, my life is worth a great deal though I presently have nothing to protect it with. It seems my being on TV 24/7 is the only thing keeping me alive. Ironically the people making the show are the very ones who want me dead. This explains a lot of things. They want to kill me but they can’t because of their very own show, so they have been using their show to try and make my life as miserable and depressing as possible hoping I’ll kill myself. This is why my life has been so unhappy since I was very young. If you have something rich people want you won’t know any peace till they get it, except, maybe, the peace of the grave. It seems to be the one unpardonable sin in this world is having or being due something that powerful people want for themselves.
I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned before how I’ve come to the conclusion that nothing I could have done would have prevented my being right where I am now. It was the intention of this show since the beginning to over the years prune my social life down to a bare stump. Little by little they have been isolating me from the world around me hoping to eventually snuff me out altogether. Of course they have been presenting me as a madman and some kind of menace to society on their fucking show for years now just so they can get the public behind them on this. I’ve not been able to hear this show for about six years now but I remember from when I could that they frequently lied about me on that thing, so how bad could I really be if they feel they have to resort to making stuff up to get people to hate me? When I was able to listen to this thing for myself I remember I was quite taken aback at how overboard they were going with the character assassination. Apparently they were so confident that I’d be out of their way soon that they saw no reason to check themselves. They used to have a live feed on that thing where you could just watch me through cameras hidden in my home so you can see what I actually do all day. Reading and writing mostly. Yes, you can all see how out of control I am (Sarcasm).
The public must be either very stupid or naive to believe all their crap. I think most of them just aren’t sophisticated enough to see how the media routinely misleads them. For instance, from what I’ve heard people say here and there it seems the public actually thinks that if anything happens to me the money I’m supposed to be getting will go to them, or at least be spent on them. This reminds me of that stupid woman who thought that if Obama won the election he would pay her gas and mortgage. Remember that?
Well, I’m sorry to disappoint any of you who may be anticipating a huge windfall if anything happens to me, but I suggest you find out how charities and nonprofits actually work. If Dana and her gang gets their hands on that money they will be keeping almost all of it for themselves. I was just looking on Google trying to find exactly how much charities, nonprofits and not for profits are legally bound to actually spend on their purported causes, but I found all the legalese and gobbledygook made the matter too opaque to be quickly or easily understood. I heard that UNICEF keeps at least 86 cents out of every dollar (Actually I heard its more than that, but I can’t verify that right now), and that when Bono does one of this “Feed Africa” type concerts only 1% of the proceeds ever make it out that way. So, the charity scam is big business. There’s a lot of money to be made from helping yourself to money people give you to help other people. Someone needs to tell Dana and all those other creeps that greed and charity don’t mix. Actually I’m sure they already know it but they’d just rather you didn’t. These charities pay their people, their top people at least, six figure salaries of hundreds of thousands of dollars. One place Dana worked for had ostentatious penthouse offices with a beautiful view of the San Francisco Bay through gigantic windows. I was mesmerized by the view as I watched the ships milling about on the water one time when I went up there to meet her after work. Damn, the rent for the offices alone must have cost a king’s ransom. The employees also get lots of sweet perks and benefits like medical and dental, paid vacations and all the other advantages of working for a well heeled corporation. I was intimately acquainted with a nonprofit in Oakland that I found received six million in donations every year and I honestly have not been able to figure out where all that money goes. I did, however, notice the top guys had salaries in excess of two hundred thousand per year and seemed to have the very best of everything. People would do well to know that every dollar these ‘charity’ people spend on themselves is a dollar not going to help their needy clients. These people are evidently ignorant of these simple mathematics or they just don’t care.
I’ve even known people who started their own charities just because it was such an easy scam, and its all nice and legal. Even then they sometimes get carried away and get so crooked that they attract the attention of law enforcement and get sent away to prison. This just shows you what kind of people this business attracts.
Of course they’ve been trying real hard for years to paint me as the bad guy while claiming that they themselves represent all that is good. If you start believing their nonsense and find yourselves confused about any of this just keep in mind who is trying to kill who to steal their money, that should clear it right up for you.
Anyway I was just trying to show you that by getting caught up in all their hype and actually wishing me ill you are only being the quintessential ‘useful idiot’ because the only people who stand to gain by my untimely demise are the very people using their media to try and kill me. I was already studying the media long before I finally heard for myself this show about me and I can honestly say you are a ‘useful idiot’ if you believe anything they tell you about anything on television, it just so happens that their show about me is a perfect example of their deception.
I know for a fact that these bastards were even agitating to have me sent to prison a few times. Most often its because of some lies they were telling or paid someone else to tell about me, or it was the deliberate misinterpretation of illegally obtained evidence. The few times their accusations were actually formed around a partial particle of truth the “offences” were the direct result of the weird pressures and temptations they applied to me through their media persecution and harassment. They have an entire industry devoted solely to destroying me. That television show and the accompanying website are only a small part of it. They’re certainly the most visible part of it, but there are hundreds of other behind the scenes things going on. For instance my entire social life was created and regulated by them for decades now. I’ve had to live my entire life in the dark shadow of this infernal show and its actually just a cover for a myriad of other little criminal conspiracies they’ve put in motion against me. Intitially this realization frightened the hell out of me, now I see it as an indication of how much money must be at stake.
They have been very open about flagrantly slandering me and thrashing my privacy, yet they are allowed to go not only entirely unpunished, but, as far as I know, their actions and motives have never been seriously questioned. In fact they seem to be encouraged. Of course their motives are selfish. I’m pretty sure that if I gave up and killed myself they’d come into a great deal of money. Its sickening. Because of that fucking show my life has been a series of failures. They have been holding me back and pushing me down since I was a child. They are so dedicated to getting rid of me that in the late eighties they passed the baton to Dana Brownfield, an ex girlfriend who had a festering grudge against me. Although everything I’ve tried to do had been modulated or outright sabotaged it was she who started getting me involved with hard drugs through people she hired to befriend me. I’m sure you’ve all read about the despotic control the studios had over their stars in old Hollywood. My situation is very much like that only in my case it’s a very poisoned relationship considering how vindictive they have always been towards me. There have been no coincidences in my life. I guess in a way they have succeeded in killing me, part of me at least. I eventually had to accept the reality of my situation and I no longer even see any point in trying to accomplish anything outstanding, especially anything that involves help or cooperation from other people. I even stopped making art years ago. That’s the most evil thing these selfish, greedy assholes have done to me and its not just an unforeseen side effect of all this. They wanted to rob me of my reason to live. They are also guilty of major copyright violations. They show all my work on their own show and have posted all my art and writings on their own website just so I won’t get any hits or comments when I post it on my own accounts. Of course I can’t make any money off of my own efforts since they themselves are milking it all for every penny they can get and pocketing the profits themselves. Some people still read my journal here though because I’m constantly updating and editing it. I’m sure they also copy and past this on their website too so a lot more people are reading it than I think are. Aside from all the psychological tricks they have been using to rob me of whatever little joy I used to get out of life I believe they have also been using occult forces against me. I never used to believe in the supernatural, but Dana and those guys practice it and I’ve had a number of weird experiences in my life that I now believe they were behind. I hope that once this is over and I get my money that they will finally leave me alone and let me live out the remainder of my life in peace since they will have no more reason to torment me. I have been feeling little better lately. I attribute this to my putting up privacy barriers around my bed. Before I did that people all over the world were watching me all night and all day and I’m sure many of them were giving me the evil eye for hours at a time. I’m not sure what that can do to you but I’m sure its not good.
I often wonder if I did things different if I could have avoided my present situation, but I keep coming to the same conclusion being that I think that what I’m experiencing right now was always unavoidable. Besides, the most basic component of this show, what it entirely relies upon, is dishonesty. If anybody told me the truth about what has been going on, well, simply put, there just wouldn’t be any show. Aside from slips that people have made from time to time only a few people have ever came right out and told me the truth. One was Anne H—, a sort of call girl they paid to get involved with me to get me back into drugs because, at that time at least, much of the public was actually starting to sympathize with me. Well, we obviously can’t have that, so they sent a naked whore galloping towards me on a white horse holding a smoking meth pipe up high as trumpets blasted the cavalry charge theme. Anne to the rescue! Since they usually use this show to isolate me from most meaningful forms of human interactions this proved to be a very effective ploy to get me back into drugs again. Anyway, one night as I was walking her back to her car she asked me if I ever felt like my life was just a television show. Of course, despite the fact that I often did I dismissed this idea thinking that there just isn’t any way people could find me interesting enough to actually want to watch on television as entertainment. Of course what I never took into consideration while following this line of reasoning is that television has never relied on the truth to hook viewers. Instead they imply much that isn’t true and exaggerate even the most commonplace events and occurrences into something either unusual or bigger than life. Hell, they encourage people to outright lie about me. Fucking Brownfield herself went on this thing telling some of the most gigantic lies I’ve ever heard in my life, and she was talking about me. None of what she said was at all true. I heard this all myself when I was living in the Jefferson Oaks (now the Savoy) in Oakland. In the end their final product actually has very little to do with me, or even reality itself. I guess if they stuck to the truth people would either change the channel to watch something a little more exciting, like a golfing match, or they might even, heaven forbid, switch off their sets entirely. The only other time someone actually told me the truth I was on one of those recovery forums. Those places were never any help for me because all the other drunks and drug addicts were always openly antagonistic towards me. Highly unusual, I know, but strange things like that always seem to happen to me. This all happened about twelve years ago so, unfortunately, it never occurred to me to take screen caps, assuming I even knew how back then. Anyway, I forget what specifically prompted me to say it, but I said that I had a strange feeling people were watching me all the time and one guy told me I should trust my instincts since in this case I was absolutely correct. That guy then mysteriously got his account deleted shortly after that I recall. Fortunately, thanks to not only my own nearly fifty years worth of unusual observations, but the fact that I was actually able to listen to the stupid thing for myself from 2007-2012 I’ve not had to rely on the public’s honesty to find out what the devil has been going on.
As I was saying, since I am presently right where they’ve always wanted me to be at this point in my life I don’t believe I ever had a real chance to avoid this. Come on, everybody has been fucking lying to me since I was at least nine. Sometimes I wish certain of my relatives were still alive so I could show them how out of hand and ridiculous this whole thing has become. Unfortunately I think even that is a naive fantasy. I think I thought that because they got me mixed up with these people and this mess they might have some influence over them and might be able to get them to cool it a bit and back off, however I think that would have been a forlorn hope. I remember once, not long before my grandfather died, I was complaining to him about this nightmare. He just gave me his generic advice, “Just don’t talk so much, be careful what you say and keep your opinions to yourself”. I then told him that things simply weren’t that simple and how they were tapping my phone and even had microphones hidden in my room to gather material for their damnable show and he had nothing to say to any of that. The thing is I’m sure he already knew all that because I know he himself watched that misleading production. In either a private conversation with someone or a private email, I’m not sure which, I said something critical of how he brought me up. Well, I think it was the very next day he then called me on the phone to either defend or deny whatever I said concerning him. How the devil would he have even known what I had said unless they broadcast it over that show while he was watching it? He didn’t know any of the people I spoke to up here so there is just no other way he could have known. I was careful not to make anything of the fact he just admitted to me that he knew all about the show and how it worked out of respect for his declining health, but needless to say this discovery depressed me considerably. Also, I find it interesting how everyone thinks they have a right to defend their public image and go to great lengths in order to do so, and isn’t it also funny how I seem to be the only person who is denied this right considering I’m not even ever allowed to know whats being said about me on that idiotic show of theirs?
Only recently has this level of persecution even been technologically possible so I am sure I’m the first person in history ever to have suffered extensive harassment of this kind. I have to laugh at people who believe my own behavior in the face of all this has been inappropriate. Apparently they fantasize that if the same thing happened to them they could have pulled it off with much more dignity. The truth is that they have no idea how they would react had they been scrutinized and harassed by the media as their community collectively lied to them about it. They simply have no idea what its like. How could they? Its never happened to any on ever before. Nothing even close has.
People, upon meeting me for the first time, frequently seem genuinely surprised and moved to remark on what a nice guy they thought I was, obviously because their opinion of me had been artfully nudged in the opposing position by Dana’s defamatory show.
This show has always been about isolating me from everyone else hoping to get me to self destruct. This is probably the most sadistic way imaginable to do somebody in. Any other conceivable way of killing someone, shooting, stabbing, pushing them off a cliff, is angelically merciful by comparison.
They have been gradually tightening their surveillance and control of me all my life and its gotten ridiculous lately, especially since I found out about the show eleven years ago. Now I often find I will only have one person I can even casually converse with, not counting professionals who are paid to talk to me. As you can imagine, if you only have one single person in your life they can exert quite a big influence on your thought and behavior. Think back to grade school where you may have had one best friend you spent all your spare time with and all the weird things you got each other into.
It embarrasses me to admit that I too am very susceptible to people’s influence one on one. This tendency is obviously hard wired into us. It explains such phenomenon as ‘bronies’, ‘furries’, sadomasochism and communism.
I remember back in elementary school I was always kind of weirded out by comic books. Something about them always struck me as unwholesome and perverse. I think my opinion was influence by my grandparents who may have still remembered the whole ‘seduction of the innocent’ hubbub from the early fifties. Anyway my best friend somehow got really into them in 7th grade and I got into them through him. So yes, although I am obviously much more independent than the average person, of course people in my life exert no small influence on me. Remember though that these people in my life have always been lying to me and intentionally leading me astray. I have no doubts whatsoever that every single person I’ve been socializing with since I arrived here back in 2003, with the possible exception of people I knew from work, have been intentionally manipulating me, and many of them have been directly in the employ of Dana Brownfield. This has been going on till this very day. These people work for this show and they influence my opinions on an array of topics, including and especially politics. Its no coincidence that they have been encouraging unpopular opinions, or, at the very least, those demonized by the MSM. Obviously these show people don’t care about my opinions concerning anything and I’ve no doubt many of them believe things that would scare the living shit out of most of you if you even suspected what they were. Obviously they only want me to be known for saying unpopular things because if people don’t like me they won’t care about what a horrible deal I’m getting. In fact they want people to wish ill on me, then they can tune in and enjoy seeing it actually done.
Honestly, I hardly even interact with the world so why should I even care what’s going on in it, I certainly don’t have any power or control over anything anyway. I certainly have much more important personal business to worry about. This whole thing, just like every other damned thing thats ever happened to me in my life, is being staged for their idiotic television show.
That’s only one of the things they do. These people also encourage me to say derogatory things about other people I’ve known. Since everything I say is transmitted all over the place it’s another evil way to get me to burn any bridges I may have made and further ensure my social isolation. Also they will relentlessly bug me to confess to doing antisocial things. They will keep annoying me with the same repetitious questions until I will actually just agree that I did whatever it is to shut them up. These things only work because often I’ve not another soul to talk to and I want to keep things smooth so I feel I have to do things that often go against my better judgement just to keep everybody happy.
Again, I have no idea what’s really going on, and neither do you. Sure, I know about this television show, but right after I learned for a fact that this show is real I knew that it was just the tip of the iceberg. There is much more going on here, and since I know how deceptive and dishonest these people are I’ve no doubts at all that the public doesn’t know the extent of what is really going on either, and I don’t just mean the occult elements. There are multiple levels of deception involved in this business. I’m sure their is even an additional tier of conspiracy working above the heads of the people making this show affecting all this that they dont even know about.
Of course I have no choice but to survive and see this whole thing through if only to prevent them from leaving an image of me for posterity that is entirely the product of their own demented imagination, but there is a much bigger mystery here that I intend to solve.
They have obviously been trying to drive me to suicide since high school. Despite that being the most sadistic way possible to kill somebody the real reason they are doing it that way is because the very nature of this show keeps me on camera every second of every day so it’s really the only way of doing it they can if they want to avoid prosecution. I just want to say to all concerned that if I ever do meet with a fatal accident of any sort to look very closely into it if you are genuinely interested in seeing justice served. Just know that I am doing everything I can to keep life and limb, body and soul working together in harmony for as long as possible.
People always assumed I had hyperactive disorder as a child, but considering that that didn’t show up until the third or fourth grade I think I was just becoming very nervous about being watched all the time. Anyway, finding out about the show was a real epiphany because I finally knew the origin of all the hate and hostility I’d been getting from people all my life. It solved a lot of mysteries but that was the one that had been bothering me most.
“Well, it’s either kiss me or kill me, that’s how I see it.” ― Tom Waits
Dec 17, 2018, 5:21 PM
– Mark Twain
Of course there’s also that fact that, if you manage it correctly, you stand to come into a LOT of money should anything happen to me.
By the way, damn that song is fucking stupid as hell!
Are you fucking serious?
Here’s that stupid song you love so much…
(Encryting the files on my memory card and possibly stealing the images was only one of the new things they have ben doing to me, the show is once again being watched by my neighbors at a volume I can hear in my own home. I’ve now decided the show sounds may not be being intentionally played loud enough for e to hear. I now think that before I put up the curtains people were just watching me on the CCTV, but now that they can’t watch me every minute of every day they are just broadcasting old clips from the show with all that corny music and annoying sound effects. I’m no longer sure that it’s all just another attempt to aggravate me. It doesn’t really bother me anyway as it’s just more proof that the show is immensly popular and will likely some day make me very rich, assuming Dana doesn’t have me killed before my payday)
MORE MOVIE REVIEWS!!:
“The Brute Man”- (1946): After being fed the wrong answers for a chemestry exam by a friend who was sore at him for trying to beat his time with a girl he was sweet on, the school football champ, while trying to figure it all out for himself in the lab, accidentally creates a chemical explosion which disfigures him terribly. He then embarks and a homicidal spree to exact revenge on all his former friends while committing lots of incidental murders along the way. The police dub him, “The Creeper” and have a very difficult time catching him, or even figuring out his identity initially.
“The Unseen” (1945)- A very young governess is hired to work at a nice home for a single father that is situated next door to an abandoned house. Not long before her arrival there was a murder involving that old house where the victim leaves behind an old gold watch that’s part of a mystery that weaves into the plot of this movie. The oldest boy in the governess’s charge turns out to be a very hard case. He’s not only openly hostile towards her, we also find he’s working for some unseen entity so he makes lots of secret phone calls and gets up to a lot of strange things. Who is his mysterious employer?
“Trial and Error” aka “The Dock Brief” (1962)- Peter Sellers plays a very unsuccessful public defender (barrister) called upon to defend a very guilty client. In fantasy he dreams up several lines of defense that they act out between various flashback scenes, however the actual trial doesn’t go in their favor but this actally ends up working in his client’s favor in the long run. Not very much ‘action’, but all in all a very fun, light comedic endeavor.
“Agency” (1980)- The government buys an ad agency and starts planting subliminal messages in regular television advertisements to manipulate elections. Of course anyone who gets in the way or suspects anything has a nasty tendency to end up committing suicide. What’s silly about this film is that they act like the government just started doing this in 1980 and like they haven’t already been doing this sort of thing all the time since the 1950’s since the government is ran by the same people who own all the media, and, despite what you may have heard, subliminals are very effective.
“The Dirties” (2013)- Two weird kids who are targeted by bullies and get beat on, threatened and humiliated every day escape their hellish existance through their friendship and mutual hobby. One of these amateur film makers often can’t tell the difference between reality and the films he’s working on. While making a film about massacring the kids who torment them (who they have dubbed “The Dirties”) the idea suddenly morphs into an actual plan to exterminate them for real.
“The Mystery of the 13th Guest” (1943)- A classic, old fashioned mystery with comedic elements, most of which follow what was popular at the time, like Abbot and Costello routines. Anyway, it begins with an old rich guy having a dinner party with twelve of his relatives where he announces that he’s not long for this world and that he’s made out his will, only the contents of that will won’t be revealed for 13 years, when one of the little girls, the old guy’s favorite grand daughter turns 21. She was eight at the time. Incidently, the 13th chair at the table is empty. We can see there’s a lot of numerology involved, especially thirteens. Well, 13 years later what appears to be the little girl from before shows up at the house, as per instructions, to discover more about the legacy, but dies from electicution from answering a hot phone. We find out later, though, after the real girl shows up that the previous one was an impostur that was altered by plastic surgery and the plot only thickens from there.
“Patterns” (1956)- Some small town guy is hired to work at a big firm in New York and the culture shock from moving from Sticksville to the big city pales before all the strange things he notices in his new company. Unbeknownst to him he was hired to replace the vice president who he befriended as soon as he started there. The son of the guy who started the company, who runs it now, thinks the old vice president, who was friends with his father, is past his prime and working by outdated principals. “Stanly Steamers were fine cars in their day, but you can’t win a race with them now”, he says. Eventually the film works itself up into an intense psycho-melodrama that will churn your guts and keep you on the edge of your seat.
“Doomsday Flight” (1966)- A lunatic plants a bomb on a passenger jet and taunts police. As you may well imagine the tension on the jet is tangible once ground control warns the crew of the plane that there is a bomb on board set to go off once they start descending to land.
“The Lady and the Monster” (1944)- A “mad scientist” experimenting with keeping brains alive after death. He has limited success working with monkeys, then he gets a hold of the body of a millionaire who dies in a plane crash and decides to see what he could do with that. The experiment proves to be entirely too successful when the brain possesses one of the scientists to do its bidding, involving him, along with a secret bank account he had, with a plot to free a convicted murderer from prison who just happens to be the millionaire’s son.
“The Hidden Hand” (1942)- A homicidal patient escapes from a lunatic asylum and returns to his family home, a huge mansion with servants. The black servant (or “houseboy”, as the mistress of the estate calls him) from “The Girl Who Dared” provides us with a humorous performance as a distraction from the drama, which is itself not entirely serious. Later we discover that the Mistress of the house and the escaped mental patient, which is her brother, are in cahoots in a plot to thin out the family. A charming period piece.
“The Unseen” (1945)- A very young governess is hired to work at a nice home for a single father that is situated next door to an abandoned house. Not long before her arrival there was a murder involving that old house where the victim leaves behind an old gold watch that’s part of a mystery that weaves into the plot of this movie. The oldest boy in the governess’s charge turns out to be a very hard case. He’s not only openly hostile towards her, we also find he’s workingfor some unseen entity so he makes lots of secret phone calls and gets up to a lot of strange things. Who is his mysterious employer?
Very effective propaganda to get people to willingly give up their unborn children assembly line style to be sacraficed to Moloch.
“The Creeper”- (1948): Creeper is the name of the black cat belonging to some experimental scientists who are working on “illuminating certain organs in the body” and one of the female lab assistants, Nora, has a marked aversion to cats, they terrify her. To explain these strange experiments, they think glow in the dark organs would help surgeons. Of course they experimented on cats. When they developed their serum they were in the tropics and the natives believed that when people died they turned into cats. It was here the assistant developed her phobia for cats.
When they returned to the states to finish their experiments they found the entire shipment of their serum destroyed when it arrived, so they sent for all their cats to be sent to them hoping to create more of the serum. Nora starts dreaming she’s pursued by a huge cat claw and cats seem strangely attracted to her, which always causes her to scream and faint or flee the room in a panic. Only, it seems Nora’s dream of the giant cat claw wasn’t entirely in her own mind as the cat claw goes on a killing spree.
Of course the best protection against psychic attack is a positive mental attitude, self confidence and an absence of petty self doubts.
I know that idiotic show was painting me as some kind of out of control maniac at least as far back as high school. That’s why religious people were always honinging on me trying to convert me. I have a funny story about a troup of Christian mimes that glommed onto me at Santa Monica beach on the boardwalk. Anyway, no wonder my social life sucked and the only people who would ever even ralk to me were weirdos and freaks. These people have been trying to completely destroy me for almost 40 years now, the full fifty if you count how they’ve been telling everyone I’m weird and strange since I was in kindergarten.
I’ve been going through the old journals I rescued recently from storage and a few very important ones are missing. Hopefully I will find them later mixed in with my other stuff. It infuriates me how that fucking bitch Brownfield not only thinks she owns me but all my stuff so evidently she feels perfectly justified helping herself to anything I have that catches her eye. That bitch can’t die soon enough.
I smoked some weed and took mushrooms a few time just like most kids of the time, but those assholes made me out to be some kind of out of control drug addict, so, of course decent people would have nothing to do with me, and that dramatically limited my options in life and didn’t leave me many promising job opportunities. These assholes are unbelievably arrogant in how they revel in playing god over me. What right do they have to publicly judge me like that at all? No. Fuck these people.
Okay, I get that they have to make things over dramatic to hold the public’s interest, but they really should have created a character for that instead of projecting their psychotic filth onto an innocent person trying to make his way in the world. Obviously they much prefer slandering someone than trying to exersize their imagination. It just comes more naturally to them to bad mouth someone than try to be at all creative. This is the type of people they are.
The Road Cone Gang