Out of my head:

Invisible Force Field:

A68d5dd32d13524a028f48129323630d0e20ae25c65d7d77d7 by Mister-Seen

I hope I’ve not mentioned this already, but while boxing up some of my stuff I came across an old drawing I forgot I even made. It’s just a cartoon actually, and I mean “cartoon” in the original sense, “a preparatory drawing for a piece of art”. Sometimes I’ll work out the drawing in a sketchbook or on a cheap piece of paper before transferring it to a more expensive piece of paper because sometimes the nice paper can’t handle too much erasure. It’s a picture of Jesus casting out demons and sending them into a herd of swine, but, unfortunately I have no idea when I drew it, it could be anywhere from twelve to twenty three years old. I’ll scan and upload it as soon as I set up my scanner, hopefully before the end of this month.
Friday, June 1st: Damn, I’ve been cleaning all day and its still a dump in here. This is terrible. After 6 I’ll make a couple of trips out to the space, but then I’ll be really tired and I’ll still have a ton of work to do!
Tuesday, June 5th: I’ve been working so hard for the past few days trying to make up for years of neglect that I think I’ll take part of the day off today.

I’ve not been sleeping well lately. Night before last I only got five hours sleep and last night I popped open wide awake after only four hours so I don’t have very much energy today.

Must be the stress of having to deal with all this. Besides, people are coming by too today. Though it’s kind of embarrassing that I’ve not finished yet I need to remind myself that its a damned better sight than it was. Actually it’s not really even as bad as I’m making it sound, it’s just kind of nasty in the corners and behind the furniture and stuff. Anyway, when I finish that I need more boxes for the knick knacks and drawer contents. Then I need to take care of the dining room and the closet by the window. Oh, and the hallway closet too. It’s all coming along even though today is a total bust.

I just found a packet of ginseng tablets so I’m feeling better!
Packing with a deadline is funny. You know how you start up packing with economy of space in mind but by the end your basically just tossing miscellaneous stuff in boxes just to get it out of sight.
Ba73fb262b40cf84ad7fd1cbb95817cd0c2886522f4d0fcb1b by Mister-Seen
Dana would LOVE me out on the street, she’s been repeatedly trying to do that to me for the past 25 years. The only time she accomplished that was when she managed to get me into her home, then waited a while and kicked me out for no reason. I don’t know what reason she may have given the public, but she only gave me a very vague excuse having to do with some kind of renovations. Near as I know she never did anything like that.

If I was living on the street with no door to lock in front of me or roof over my head I’d be very vulnerable, especially since at last I’d not be on camera 24 hours a day. It would be a simple matter to get rid of me once and for all then. The only flaw in Dana’s plan last time was that I still had my car. That’s why she wanted it taken away. Before the theft of my driver’s license she was instrumental in getting it towed on a flimsy pretext through her connections in the OPD. Fortunately I was able to get it back.

Another lie she told me to hurry me out of there was she had only been charging me rent in order to save it for me “because she knows how bad I am with money”, and that if I got back in touch with her after a couple of days she would give it all to me. This would have amounted to many thousands of dollars. Of course I was thinking this would be too good to be true and I knew she was lying again, but I was in no position to argue. I know I could have got the cops involved because I had mail in my name and she didn’t give me a 30 day notice to vacate, but the most time I could have bought for myself was 30 days from that date. I also may have been able to get her into serious trouble for renting out a room that was unfit for human habitation, but if you don’t think she wouldn’t have made that thirty additional days a misery to me and kicked up her media slander to white hot levels you’re very naive. Naturally when I later inquired after this money she only laughed at me.

You know, that Dana Brownfield is a real piece of work. She’s been making a damned fortune off of me for over two decades, but after she used her show to spook me into her basement in Oakland she charged me $350 a month rent (it had no heat or bathroom facilities) and made me do her yard work and take care of her cats and all that, and all along my even being there at all was just the penultimate step of her plan to make me homeless. I guess I need to keep in mind that people like her think the rest of us only exist for them to exploit as they wish. What a twisted bitch. She’s made a huge pile of money off of me and now wants to get rid of me because she’s through with me and my continued survival could potentially prove to be a liability to her after all the fucked up stuff she’s done to me over the years. They have been pretty generous with some of the people they’ve hired to fuck me up. Two examples off the top of my head: Anne Hunt bought a car and took a lot of trips, two to Europe, even though she only had a part time teacher’s aid job, and Lisa Brennan, despite living off Social Security, was buying a house in Oakland. Me, I’ve never gotten anything but trouble and misery from Dana and these people despite my being the star of their show and their cash cow since I was less than ten years old. I think their endgame is pretty obvious here.

Their keeping me poor by constantly slandering me not only made it easier for them to control me, it also made me much easier for them to get rid of once they decided they were through with me. Plus their successfully isolating me has made it much less likely anyone would bother to look too deeply into my premature demise or sue them in civil court over it, or anything else associated with all this once I’ve gone. These people are more evil than Satan himself. And don’t be fooled by her working in the ‘non-profit sector’, that’s the biggest scam ever. UNICEF, for instance, who has fund drives a few times every year in public schools where they guilt all the kids into handing over their lunch money does raise a fortune by such means, but only 3 cents out of every dollar actually gets anywhere near the purported beneficiaries. The rest goes towards paying all the heavily padded salaries of the people running that organization. You can bet that all the “”charities” Dana has worked for aren’t much better. The whole business is a massive scam.
Its+a+gondola+a+mutation+of+spurdo+ 96b8dcfdd6356f by Mister-Seen
I’m doing my best to prove the flaws in their arrogant ideas. Just because they create a false world for people to mentally inhabit with their media and fill it with destructive ideas, people can choose to ignore that poison and go by real world observation and common sense instead. Their dangerous “ideals” permeate everything they film, print or record. I do, on occasion, watch old TV shows, see movies and read comics, but I know that those things represent false worlds. No one in their right mind would allow themselves to be seriously influenced by them. Also, I can understand why they thought that making someone’s life transparent would force them to conform and comply with the common mind (which they control with their media monopoly) but I think I’ve proven that it is very possible to speak and act independently despite all that. When I speak of making someone’s life “transparent” I’m only, of course, speaking about being able to see and hear everything they do or say since there’s no way as of yet to actually look into a person’s mind, but don’t worry, as I’ve said before, they’re working on that even as we speak. Anyway, I plan on surviving this horrible situation they have made for me and when it is over I plan on taking steps to ensure nothing like this ever happens to anyone ever again.

Actually, for now at least, things seem to be going even better now than I expected them too on all fronts. I’m very pleased and I’m maintaining my optimism and not feeling quite so fatigued anymore.
(BTW I recently added a tiny bit more to the end of my PID essay)

I was thinking lately about other reasons why Dana may have blown her top and started harassing me so energetically over the internet recently. This last occurrence happened about the time I mailed the Cease and Desist order to her at her home. Since she spies on me online using her privileged access to my Deviantart account she was able to read it before I even sent it to her (I foolishly saved a copy of it in my “stash’ after I wrote it out) so she already knew what I was preparing before I sent it. I sent it certified, so of courser, since she knew what it was she refused to sign for it and had the carrier lie for her saying she couldn’t deliver it because the address had no receptacle for mail (that was the odd “reason” written on the envelope when it was returned to me). That’s okay, the public saw it and knew what it said so there can be no question concerning how I feel about my lifelong persecution at their hands. I think she was just enraged that I actually have her new address. I guess she thought she was hiding from me up there in Oregon. Fortunately we have a mutual acquaintance I guess she’s forgotten about so all her movements are known to me. Anyway I’m just guessing here trying to figure out her motives. I may be wrong since it’s often impossible to fathom the twisted minds of some of these media miscreants.

Just checking in:

From Deviantart:

77ac71ffa945940ae41ed36860bd1052b329e1d6e977e407e5 by Mister-Seen
As you may know I’m not too keen on cinema, but my new favorite movie is “The Man Who Laughs”, a 1927 film based on the Victor Hugo novel “The Laughing Man”, which is about a child from a royal family who is kidnapped and disfigured, forced to live his life as a sort of clown to make buffoons laugh. Don’t ask me why, but somehow the movie speaks to me. I have no idea why though.

I just did a little research on Bob Powell, the comic book artist. I think his best work was done for Harvey comics, their “horror” line especially, although he’d worked in the industry since the beginning (1938). Unfortunately he died in 1966 of pancreatic cancer, but immediately prior to that he was the editor of “Sick” magazine. I also found out that he was born one year after my maternal grandfather in 1916 and that he attended the same high school in Buffalo Now York that he did too, “East High”. That’s quite a discovery, I wonder if they actually knew each other? Well, they’re both gone now so there’s no way of knowing, but it’s interesting to think about all the same.

In other Ron related news I’m drinking apple juice from now on. I used to drink lemonade, but I noticed the very first ingredient listed on the pink lemonade is high fructose corn syrup. In fact it’s the first ingredient listed on all the juice concentrates except cranberry and apple, possibly orange too but I didn’t check that. I’ve read somewhere that drinking a lot of that high fructose stuff can impair one mentally, plus, since I almost got diabetes I should probably stay away from artificial sweeteners. (actually I just did some more research and I can’t drink anymore fruit juice AT ALL until I get checked out and the doctor gives me the green light!)

Last night I thought I lost my wallet. Talk about an anxiety attack. I had forgotten that it was in my book bag. I put it there because I didn’t wear my jacket when I went to Big Lots yesterday because the weather has been getting almost unendurably hot lately.

I just burned the fuck out of my fingers with boiling hot water this morning. Hurt like hell too, I was dancing around yelling for ten to fifteen solid seconds after it happened. They haven’t started to blister yet but damn do they hurt and I have lots of stuff to do today!
It’s now a couple hours later and they don’t hurt so bad at all. If I’d actually touched the stove or an active burner I know I’d have blisters by now. Funny, I thought boiling water burns would be worse, but I guess dry burns are worse because of more tissue damage or something.

I just came home from running errands and I see our local meth/homeless community is thriving. I think it’s funny when I see all those bums with their begging signs that end with, “God bless” or, “B safe!” because I know most of those people would slit your throat for a dollar if they knew they could get away with it.That bitch Dana Brownfield manage to render me homeless eleven years ago through an elaborate scheme that went on for a number of years. I was living out of my car for a month or two but I never panhandled. I got a stipend from the government, but living on the street is much more expensive than most people realize. You can’t prepare your own food for one thing and parking costs money, plus I had a bit of a habit. That was the only thing that kept me from losing my mind and killing myself during that ordeal.

Having psychotic, power mad rich fucks on the warpath against you trying to kill you nearly your entire life while televising it and slanting everything so you seem like the fuck up obviously makes life much more difficult than it is for people who are allowed to live normal lives unmolested. I used to sometimes tell myself they were just testing me. I did this so the whole experience wouldn’t seem quite so threatening, but, of course I was only trying to fool myself. The night before that Dana bitch kicked me out (after her broadcast made sure the entire community of the San Francisco Bay Area was hostile towards me) she had one of her asshole friends hack into my cellphone and delete all my contacts and she even snuck into my room as I was sleeping and stole my driver’s license out of my wallet hoping to get my car taken away from me so I wouldn’t even have that anymore. That sort of behavior goes far beyond mere testing deep into homicidal psychopath territory. What an evil POS. Fortunately I still had my old, expired license in my wallet and the cops could use that to see that I had updated it. I guess she feels she’s painted herself into a corner and has no choice but to kill me to save herself. She certainly doesn’t want to deal with me anymore once I’m finally independently wealthy. Well, it’s not my fault she went overboard meddling with my life making it into a living hell, I certainly shouldn’t have to die for her fucking sins- although she seems to think that I should. What an entitled bitch. She seems to be incapable of restraining herself. When she feels she has absolute power over someone she just goes nuts. She obviously has a lot of pent up anger inside her, but why? She’s privileged as fuck and always got treated with favoritism her entire life. Despite this she’s been using her position in the media to make my life needlessly difficult. Well, judgement day is fast coming and she will stop at nothing to avoid it. All I know is that I will have to survive all the snares and obstacles she’s always laying before me if I ever want her to answer for any of the fucked up shit she has done to me.

33765897 1836793319717499 7771187613473439744 N by Mister-Seen
I’ve been thinking, I know I’ve said that Dana Brownfield found a way into my computer but I just realized that all the really weird things that have happened to me online, like my posts being deleted while I was in the process of writing them, have happened on this site, Deviantart. Her lack of self control always gives her away. I think Dana must be either working or volunteering for them and is using her position to harass me.

She may be trying to shut me down so I can no longer give my side to things, but she is also very immature and prone to childlike temper tantrums so she could just be angry that I’ve yet again foiled their nefarious plans to destroy me and this is just her doing her best to try and hurt me through any and all means available to her.

You may have noticed that I’ve put all my deviations into storage except a few recent prose pieces, yet despite the fact the public can no longer see any of my work yet another piece has been pulled today. How can someone be reporting my work if the public can’t see it? This is proof that this is an inside job since only the staff at DA can see stored work. These pieces have been up at least six to eight years yet eight of them have been reported and pulled in the last few days, and often for very exaggerated or ambiguous reasons. This is textbook harassment. I’m not particularly upset about the pictures getting yanked as I have no doubt they have everything I’ve ever posted online up at their illegal website, I just don’t want to lose this soap box because I get quite a bit of traffic here.

Damned good thing I moved away from the Berkeley/San Francisco area or all those true believers would really be giving me hell right now. Dana’s tentacles reach out here too but I’d really be suffering right now if I was still in the belly of the beast.

Again, in case anything ever happens at this account you can read all my latest posts and updates at the following two locations:

Important Update:

From Deviantart:
To start off with I just want to say a few words about Karen. You may recall an earlier post where I mentioned that I felt I was visited by the spirit of Karen’s mother because I promised her that I’d help take care of Karen after she left. Why did I promise Karen’s mother I’ll take care of her? Because I feel I owe her a debt.

One of the main reasons I’d developed so many bad habits during the past 25 years was because that damned show had been systematically pruning my life of not only meaningful relationships over the years, but all forms of human contact. In that time they’d managed to totally isolate me from everyone else. Since there wasn’t anyone I cared about in my life anymore, and no one seemed to care about me, I not only developed a lot of antisocial tendencies, I wasn’t very fastidious about looking out for my health either. I think most mature people look out for themselves because they know that they affect the people around them. If you allow your health to deteriorate you become a burden to your friends and family. If you die you create emotional hardship for those who care about you, but I can’t say I was thinking about all that when I finally decided to get my thing together.

I admit my motivations were more selfish originally. I knew a lot of rather disgusting and slimy types wanted me out of the picture, this seemed to include nearly all of the maladjusted losers in the Bay Area. I didn’t know many of these people, never even met them before in fact. I didn’t even know anybody they knew, but, retards that they are they saw me presented negatively on the idiot box and, based on that alone, decided that I needed to die. Well, fuck those fools. I don’t oblige morons so I decided to clean up my act. I had decided to stop doing a lot of the stuff I was doing once I made this discovery, but something about having someone in my life who actually seemed genuinely concerned about me, someone who seemed to worry about me even when I wasn’t there was the final detail I needed to solidify my determination to make it all happen and basically become a better person.

If I’m honest with myself I have to admit that I have reason to suspect that everybody I know is involved in this conspiracy against me, even if it is in only a marginal way, but Karen did help save my life. At the very least she did help me to get more firmly in charge of my own behavior. Her just being there gave my life the very meaning those media assholes had been trying to withhold from me since I started high school, so if I live long enough to get my reward I feel it’s only right that I use part of it to help her. Of course there are many people who don’t want me to ever get my hands on that reward and these people feel compelled to make trouble for me at any and every opportunity hoping against hope that they can give me a push or a shove in the wrong direction and be instrumental in getting me to finally crash and burn. ‘Crash, burn and blow’ up ideally.

Someone may be trying to have my account here shut down. For the future, in case anything like that should ever actually happen here’s some of the other places I post these journal entries if you care to keep up on them:

I post these entries in several places online so that I know I can always speak directly to the public about these media jerks and everything they are doing to me.
At first I thought they were just trying to shut me down so they could regain their monopoly over the story of my life, but I’m pretty sure they link back to this journal on their website so that wouldn’t make a hell of a lot of sense. Of course it could just be some true believer who thinks everything they see on television is completely true and has made it their mission to shut me down because they think I’m evil or some bullshit.

Actually I think it’s most likely Dana K. Brownfield and her media cohorts could very well be behind this, but their shutting down my DA account would just be a means to an end, assuming that’s even any part of their plan in the first place. At first it crossed my mind that one of my posts may have pissed them off and they didn’t want the public to read it. I was specifically thinking of the “Cease and Desist” post when this idea occurred to me. Then I remembered that lately Dana been making it obvious to me that she is in my computer (via either some back door that was built into it or through a keylogger program) so if she didn’t want the public reading a specific post of mine she could just go ahead and delete it herself. Considering all this I’m fairly certain that this newest harassment is simply meant as another one of their distractions.

I’ve long noticed that one of their favorite tactics is to try and overwhelm me with a bunch of irrelevant annoyances whenever I have to deal with anything genuinely important to my well being. I think there’s a term for this: “taking out a mortgage” on someone. One guy holds you down while a bunch of other guys pummel you black and blue- only figuratively in my case, but they have done this to me a few times before so I know it’s definitely their preferred method of operation.

Whenever I have to focus on a serious problem I find myself suddenly vexed by an onslaught of other troubles from all directions of varying degrees of urgency. These serious problems requiring my undivided attention that I’ll need to deal with are usually problems they themselves have created for me. They always hit me hard and fast with all these distractions while I’m faced with these difficulties to try and make me fail at whatever it is that I need to do to overcome them. I do realize that’s how life is a lot of times, but in many of these cases it’s just uncanny how orchestrated and choreographed these assaults obviously are. As I’ve told you several times before, they prefer to work secretly behind the scenes because they want all my life’s setbacks as well as any mistakes I make when trying to deal with them to appear as though they are all entirely my own fault, which is kind of ridiculous when you consider that for decades now they have been making a defamatory television show about me for a living. Common sense should tell anyone that I already have a world of extra problems just by being the focus of a shitty show like that alone. I already know they’ve been kicking up their on air defamation of me during the past week or two judging by how hostile people have been behaving towards me lately. If you recall I told you they do that every time I have to face unusual challenges. They obviously do that to make these challenges seem much more imposing than they otherwise would. Everything seems much more intimidating when we find ourselves immersed in negativity.

This making trouble with my DA account is only one of several problems that they are making for me right now. They appear to have a lot of influence and also have some pretty surprising connections, so I’m sure many of you would think I was delusional if I told you some of the other things they are doing to make my life difficult for me now. That’s okay though, I have my priorities straight and I know what I need to focus on. Nothing will cause me to deviate from the path I have before me. I know how obsessed they are with destroying me, but I simply will not allow that to happen. I realize it may seem that I am jumping to conclusions by assuming all the bad things that are happening have been orchestrated by one small group of people, but, like I said before, the timing is much too suspicious so I can’t easily write any of this off as only a strange coincidence.
Anyway, write down or bookmark the above mentioned blogs because I may temporarily deactivate this account soon just so I don’t have to worry about it during this crucial period in my life. In fact I may even start a blog with my own name as a title so that anyone can find it during Google searches.

Anyway, I know why they want to distract me so I will not allow myself to be distracted. If I get through this thing okay I won’t even give a f*ck about this account anymore anyway because I’ll finally have genuinely interesting things to write about and I can take art lessons from the best so I could finally do some genuinely impressive work. That is assuming I still even want to do anything like that at all once I have the money to actually live well.

One of the things they are doing is going crazy reporting old deviations and getting them pulled. Actually the reasons given for the deletions of the deviations are pretty nit picky, and some don’t make any sense or just aren’t explained at all like in the example below. Based on how ridiculous of some of the reasons given are I suspect this may be an inside job, which doesn’t mean SF Commons has nothing to do with it. They have a lot of connections and are very good at pulling strings. Seriously though, come on, if DA has issues with an example of my work that is so strong they feel they need to pull it down from a gallery that I pay for I assume it must violate some very specific rule. Just saying that it’s “unacceptable” or that it has “unacceptable” details in it really doesn’t communicate anything. Especially since once they delete it you can’t go look at it for yourself to try and figure out exactly what the fuck they are talking about. This is only one example. Anyway I may just stay away from this account for a while and just come back when all this is over and just hope it’s still here when I get back because I simply don’t have the time to deal with any of this now. The only reason I’m writing this post is because presently its too damned hot to work.

I’d like to contact DA about this since I’m obviously the victim of yet another conspiracy here, but all I can find both here and on google are links to endless lists of FAQ with no way to directly contact anyone that I can see.

In the past couple of days five or six deviations have been pulled down. I’ve been here at least eight years so I have thousands of deviations up and I really don’t have time to comb through my whole account deleting anything that could possibly be reported and pulled by overzealous saboteurs. I certainly don’t have time to do that and do all the stuff I have to take care of in the coming couple of months to ensure my continued survival.

Of course I could be over reacting. These people have been pushing my buttons literally all my life so they are experts on how to agitate me. They probably aren’t trying to shut me down at all since links to sites like this one are one of the main attractions of their website. They’re probably just trying to get me worked up. Well, if you are reading this DKB and SF Commons, pat yourselves on the back assholes, mission accomplished. Anyway whatever happens to this site is totally meaningless when compared to my successfully getting through my present trial and winning this thing. I have to win this thing otherwise the lifetime I’ve spent suffering at your twisted hands will have been for nothing. Truth be told your trying to hurt me by doing petty shit like this only strengthens my determination to finally defeat you once and for all if anything.

Oh well, since this is likely being done to either drive me crazy or prevent me from taking care of business maybe the best thing I can do for now is just ignore all this bullshit and keep my eyes on whats at stake.
Considering what I have to gain it’s no wonder jealous people can’t stop fucking with me.

Existential Spiral:

Its a Nice Day by Mister-Seen
I think a big part of the reason they have been trying to wear me down so I’d take an early exit has to do with how they want to present this show to the world. I’m sure these worthless hacks like to think of it as an original venture, the first of its kind. Whether they consider it the world’s first reality show or the longest documentary of someone’s life ever made I can prove it has never been either. I want to be here to let everybody know that this was never a “reality show” worthy of the name and it certainly wasn’t a “documentary”. Not a true to life documentary at least. Not at all. Or, rather, if it is a “documentary” its only a documentary about their ruining my life, or them making sure I’d never have much of one to begin with. This thing has always been as contrived as any television sit com, soap opera, or any other staged production. Anyone who knows anything about modern media knows how fastidious they are about every detail of what they show. They are experts at using images and language to influence people’s thoughts and actions, and since everything shown on TV is mind control they want everything “just so”. They are absolute control freaks and they have been manipulating both me and my life constantly ever since they started this thing decades ago. I can’t wait for this nightmare to finally end so I will at last be free from these evil puppet masters and what they have been doing to me all my life. These assholes have been holding me down and trying to drive me crazy for the past 44-49 years. You have no idea what it’s like having your life constantly interfered with by these sociopaths. They are fucking sick in the head. They may have even been using black magick on me all this time, though I’m not sure I believe in that stuff, but they are Satanists and that’s what those people do. If there’s anything to all that it would explain a lot of the strange things that have been happening to me. Of course I mean all the strange things on top of what they have been obviously doing to me with their show and all the behind the scenes bullshit they have been pulling on me.

I recently came across an old journal from 2001 and reading it totally depressed me. It reminded me of how all my life nothing has ever worked out mostly due not only to my seemingly inexplicable bad luck, but to everybody always acting weird around me and toward me. I had very little control over how people perceived me so naturally that made it very difficult for me to get along with anyone. I always knew something very strange was going on but I never knew exactly what. Of course I suspected I was the center of some bizarre kind of attention but who automatically jumps to the conclusion that all their problems extend from having been exploited by a fucking secret TV show all their life? Of course all dark deeds require the strictest secrecy and this is why they have always insisted everybody lie to me about it. Anyway it’s obviously an extremely fucked up situation and it’s a wonder I’ve not snapped and gone on a homicidal spree years ago.

Believe me, I really hate complaining all the time like this, but I really feel trapped. I’ve felt claustrophobic, trapped and closed in nearly my entire life and could never get away from it. I’ve felt this way almost as far back as I can remember. Wherever I moved this nightmare has followed me around. It has been impossible to get away from or hide from it. I think by now I’ve made my feelings about all this obvious.

I think they figured that because both my parents were drug addicts that it would be easy for them to use drugs to ultimately get rid of me while it was convenient. Fortunately it turned out I’m made of much sterner stuff than they assumed and I was able to walk away from all that as soon as I figured out what they were up to. I’m very fortunate that that was the case.

It’s been hell, but despite the fact that I’ve been complaining about what this thing has been doing to me, even for years before I was even sure what has been going on, they’ve consistently ignored my pleas for mercy and refuse to let up. Instead they laugh at me, and whats even worse these sadistic bastards even intensify it. There can be no doubt they have been using this thing to try and kill me because they always greatly escalate their slander campaign against me whenever I get into any kind of trouble, and usually they themselves are the ones who caused that trouble in the first place.

I make these posts so there can be no question as to how I feel about all this, or how I’ve always felt about all this. I even sent out more cease and desist notices lately. This isn’t the first time I’ve done this. I sent them out about ten years ago too. Below is what I sent out. The ones I sent out last time were very similar. I know they got them the last time I sent them out. Not only do I have the receipts from the ones I sent certified mail I also emailed copies to them too, and they responded to them, so there is no doubt they got them. Below is what I recently sent:
MjgzNTU2Mw by Mister-Seen
(names and addresses have been omitted)
To Whom it may concern:
You are hereby directed to cease and desist all defamation and slander of Ronald F, Tweedie’s character and reputation.

Ronald F. Tweedie knows you have been engaging in spreading incendiary and defamatory stories and rumors about him.
It is not only illegal to abuse the airwaves to slander someone, it is also illegal to make and broadcast audiotapes of someone recorded without their knowledge and permission in the State of California and to secretly videotape someone in their own home and then broadcast that video over the airwaves without their knowledge or permission.
It is also a criminal act to hide cameras and microphones in their private residence for the purpose of recording and spying on them.
Stop manufacturing, broadcasting and distributing all such illegally made videos and recordings IMMEDIATELY!
Also you do NOT have Ronald F. Tweedie’s permission to use ANY of his art, photographs or writings on any of your videos or broadcasts.
You have been warned and the community knows you have been warned.
Cease also using any of the above illegally made or stolen materials over the internet as well. Also immediately take down any pictures of Ronald F. Tweedie and his home and any copies of his private emails you have posted on your website.
This harassment must STOP! Your slander and libel has cost Ronald F. Tweedie his livelihood and has grown so bad he is uncomfortable leaving his house. You are out of control and I demand you stop this harassment NOW!
This letter serves as a notice to you to immediately cease and desist all harassing activities against Ronald F. Tweedie, including, but not limited to your television show and website that exploits him.
Your actions are unwanted and have become unbearable to him. Your actions infringe upon his right to remain free of harassment. As a result of your harassment he has suffered immeasurably.
Ronald F. Tweedie
30624121 10211524580652042 7728796600769618329 N by Mister-Seen
They will probably make themselves scarce and not sign for them this time. Dana is in my computer again so she likely knows I made them. Don’t ask me how she got in here but as usual she has no self control and like a bratty child she lets me know she’s there. That’s okay. I’m sure that if I do hear back from them they’ll just lie to me like last time. Fine. Everybody reads this journal and everybody knows they read it too so everyone knows how I feel about all this and that its not okay. Not okay at all.

Although I sometimes worry that they don’t ever intend to compensate me for the nearly fifty fucking years of hell they put me through it seems I’m pretty famous so a lot of people know about this thing, which seems to make it much less likely they plan on totally screwing me. I have noticed that, although they don’t seem to spare any expense on surveillance equipment, spies and whores they have yet to directly give so much as a cent to me, their star, the source of all the money they’re making. It’s bad enough I’ve never been paid, but they even get you guys to pay for my room and board. If this isn’t proof that the entertainment industry controls the government and not the other way around I don’t know what is.

Although I’d really like nothing better than to teach these evil people a lesson after everything they’ve put me through I feel just the fact that I’ve survived it all relatively unscathed is pretty good revenge by itself considering how badly they wanted to put an end to me. Nobody has any idea what I’ve been through. Everybody from coworkers, employers, teachers, cops, hell, you name it, random people from all over the place, has been dumping on me constantly over the years because of that psychotic show of theirs. My entire life, starting from when I was very young, has been fucked up and wasted by a show they had no right to make and no one has any right to watch. They never told me what they were doing and they never paid me a fucking cent and the whole time they have been intentionally working to make my life as depressing as possible. Yeah, I can’t wait till this is finally over but it should have ended a long time ago. In fact it never should have been done at all.

There’s a lot more going on here than just my having been relentlessly harassed for nearly half a century by a bunch of rich assholes. There’s also many important legal and philosophical questions at stake, constitutionality, my right to privacy and my freedom to think what I want and what I have the right to say in the privacy of my own home. I refuse to say the same stupid, ignorant shit everybody is expected to just to please the people who are invading my privacy. I have a right say anything I want in private and certainly no one has a right to eavesdrop and especially to record and broadcast it. Anyway by now I’m only speaking to the densest among you as I’d have thought that much should be obvious.

That’s all I wanted to say today. Just wanted there to be absolutely no mistake how I feel about all this, assuming there ever was any ambiguity on that subject.

Bow down to the maggots:

B11cf36c9f6dd4ff9cd8df39adec0e007b7a919ee0b837eac5 by Mister-Seen

Bow down for the maggots,

the maggots, the maggots,
Bow down to the maggots,
the maggots, the maggots,
This guy lives in an interesting set up-
A big place that opens up to a big patio area
consisting of a wooded frame with a tarpaulin stretched over it.
The place is real messy- all kinds of containers with the lids off all over the place.
Anyway, this guy is on vacation in some 3rd world Middle Eastern country
and he sees this guy in a prison cell (I think) screaming and acting insane
and he notices something crawling around under the skin of his head.
Later, back in the States, he gets an idea for a film project- no, I think that’s later.
First he starts renting those cheesy, low budget porno flicks
(actually this may have happened before the trip)
that are popular with the younger people. There’s a bunch of them in the series,
all starring an enchanting young lady whose name I can’t remember.
There’s a big line at the video store to rent them.
Anyway, this guy is really into them, and the guy always has a lot of friends,
both male and female, hanging out at his place.
Outer Limits - The Mutant (19) by Mister-Seen
Anyway, one of his friends offers to introduce him to the star of these films.
The guy says, “Okay”, so he meets her. And they talk. He tells her how much he likes her films.
Initially there’s a gay couple there and one mentions how much he likes her perfect ass and his boyfriend gets jealous.
They leave. I forget if there’s some ceremony or if she just puts some sort of spell on him,
but the guy is changed into some muscular, long blond haired, blue eyed, huge, thick cocked version of himself.
They fuck- she acts bored the entire time- then she leaves. Then we notice that under his skin is teaming with writhing maggots.
It gets confusing at this point because we don’t know if whats happening is real or just him making his movie-
but now he has these powers. He can turn invisible. He does and he goes across the street to this place
where a bunch of young ladies are hanging out to rape and kill them, you know, strangle, stab and cut off their heads.
Then, I think, while returning to his place he accidentally messes up the tarpaulin and the street is flooded with water.
Later, when he and his friends go out and fix it, they can’t find some of the support pegs-
so he gets a flashlight and finds them, washed by the current, under the main frame-
or was it the car? So they fix it.

Fatigue and Conflict:

Punch by Mister-Seen
“The only successful suicide is a failed suicide”
– Christian Bobin

I can not believe they have been getting away with doing this to me all these years. It’s blatantly illegal, unconstitutional in fact, not that any of the nut bags around here give so much as a flying fuck about anybody’s rights. And how is what they are doing any kind of responsible use of media anyway? What is the point misusing the airwaves to pick on some lone guy, especially after they’ve already cost him his livelihood and all his friends? What are they hoping to prove by constantly setting him up and messing him up like they do? I know they’ve also been working hard to make him into the sort of character who they want people to think “deserves it”, but does that really make any of this right? If we stop respecting people’s rights as a matter of course then we are truly sliding down a most treacherous slippery slope. Any mature, thinking and reasonable person can see how childish this whole thing is, as well as what an unbridled nightmare its been for me, and I find it interesting that no one seems concerned with how ill it bodes for our collective future that something like this has been allowed to go on. I’m sure these criminal programmers would likely respond to this with something like, “Hey, we never said this show was a public service message or anything like that, it’s just entertainment, something to amuse people, so please don’t try and read too much into it, okay?”. Well, then I’d ask them what is so entertaining about using spy technology and the media (internet, television and possibly DVDs) to bully one single, defenseless, introverted loner all his life anyway? Since when is it accepted as ‘entertainment’ to try and drive a person to self destruction? What kind of example are you setting? You people claim to be against “bullying”, yet you’ve been unloading on me longer than most people would even be willing to believe. The modern media machine is a most imposing and intimidating adversary, especially when used against an individual without the connections or financial resources to defend himself. Do you seriously mean for us to believe you can’t possibly find a more productive use for not only the internet, but television as well? These people are supposedly educated so they really should know better than to be behaving like a bunch of demented children with too much power. These sociopaths clearly don’t understand ethics or know how to act responsibly. These are not the kind of people who should even be allowed to work in the media.

I really shouldn’t need to remind you all how poorly this reflects on your community too. That should be obvious without my even having to go into how inappropriately many of you behave because of this crude propaganda, or all the bizarre, behind the scenes stuff that has been going on. Your allowing all this shows that you have no real idea what human rights are so it could be argued you don’t deserve them yourself.

It’s no wonder they never asked my permission to use me on their fucked up show. I’d never have given it. Believe me, I don’t like living like this. I hate even leaving the house anymore, and I’m always apprehensive about the future. All you people who think I’m just ‘doing it wrong’, or that it’s just my own ‘bad attitude’ that’s holding me down are full of shit and don’t know what the fuck you’re even talking about. Unless you’re actually suggesting that I surrender all my individuality and just go along with the crowd and think and act the same as the lowest common denominator, because that’s the only way I’d be able to avoid the ill will of the cathode ray hypnotized public. Even then I know from what I’ve heard on this show that they’d lie and imply scandalous things about me just to keep the public’s interest up because, lets face it, if I never got caught up in any kind of controversy the public would lose interest in their show pretty fast. It’s the very nature of this business, at least these days. Today’s public doesn’t enjoy watching some bland, ‘normal’, even tempered guy just staying out of trouble and leading a contented life. The 1950’s are over people. No, they want to see fiery car crashes, suffering and mayhem, this is why it’s as immoral as hell to go around making unsuspecting people into walking TV shows.

I apologize for shifting gears here, but I just want to take a break and share a very strange dream I had last night. The whole thing was rather unusual, and, though of course I can’t remember most of it I found one of the parts I can vaguely remember somewhat disturbing. I was with an attractive young lady and there was a lot of “heavy petting” going on, but the groping and dry humping somehow morphed into my being vigorously “rubbed” all over. It was dark and I got the impression I was trying to anoint myself all over with some kind of liniment, only I wasn’t really doing it, someone else was, someone of gigantic proportions. They were rubbing something all over me and were being careful not to miss anyplace so they were doing it in sections. The whole dream was very weird. A few nights previous, or maybe it was just the night before, I kept having this abstract dream where I’m working my way down a calendar, or kind of like moving a game piece down a game board, only it was vertical, but something kept coming down to block me on the last square. I was kept from completing the sequence all the way to the end. Normally I’d just consider these types of dreams incomplete or useless bits of nocturnal nonsense, but in light of all that’s been going on and my recent revelations I can’t help but feel there’s something sinister implied here.
Kontroll02 by Mister-Seen
Other than that everything is relatively fine and peaceful right now, but I can’t help feeling there may be, as usual, trouble brewing underneath of it all. I think it has to do with the symbolism involved because I’ve noticed that they always try to uproot me and cast me out whenever their’s renovations to be done wherever I’m staying. That was Dana’s official explanation, “renovations”, the one she gave me and the social workers at least, that time she kicked me out when I couldn’t find anywhere else to go back in 2007, they attempted it again in 2012 when they were getting ready to refurbish the welfare hotel in Oakland. Fortunately it didn’t work that time because they didn’t have a real reason for evicting me and I know my rights. The same excuse for displacing or trying to displace me had been used at least two other times that I can now recall. This is a constantly reoccurring theme so the coming renovations of my present home are bound to be a very dangerous time for me. I need to stay alert and focus on what’s important. They already tried to kick me out once due to Karen’s accumulating a huge mound of trash bags in our patio. Fortunately she appreciated the magnitude of the situation she had created and actually got rid of them in a timely fashion. I was very impressed that she had the inner resolve to do what needed to be done in that emergency. Her OCD causes her to attach an abnormal amount of importance to clutter other people would just throw out as a matter of course. It’s always nice when people can surprise you in a positive way, the opposite is all too often the case.

Despite my feeling overall tired and sick a certain amount of positive animal spirits are managing to bubble up to the surface so I’m feeling mostly optimistic right now. I’m thinking I must be due a substantial payday for all this because otherwise why have they been trying to get me to kill myself all these years? They’ve been turning the world against me since I was a child, made my life miserable and have even gone through a lot of trouble, on several occasions, to not only get me into controversy and trouble of various kinds, but to get me involved in dangerous drugs, and this campaign of theirs has intensified to a near fever pitch during the past twenty years. They clearly want to truncate my existence. Despite making tons of money off me they feel threatened by my staying alive too long. I take this to mean that they are afraid of having to deal with their former victim in the future when he may no longer be so defenseless. It’s much more than their being just too cheap and not wanting to pay me. I know that if I were gone they would just have to give any money they might owe me to someone else but I think whoever got it would just be happy to have it and wouldn’t bother going after them for all the slimy, underhanded things they’ve been doing to me behind the scenes all these years, or even potentially embarrass them by mentioning any of it to the press, assuming they’d even know anything about it. I’m not sure whether my optimism is helping me see things more clearly or whether it is just making me more delusional, but that’s what I’m thinking right now.

They must be making good money off this show because they keep this thing going despite the fact I am now getting older and therefore am fast becoming relatively boring to most of the demographic they are trying to appeal too. I think it would be beyond the craft and trickery of even these shysters to make me as entertaining, or even as interesting to spy on as I may have been when I was young, fresh and spry. Despite this they keep this thing rolling along even though they can’t have possibly captured any intriguing footage for it for years now. I can only imagine they must keep rehashing the same old stories and segments over and over again. Since I have robbed them of their grand finale this show is bound to run out of steam and die a natural death soon enough and I am very grateful that I will outlive it despite the fact they have been working very hard trying to ensure it would outlive me.

If I am fairly compensated for all the pain and suffering they’ve caused me I want to use that money to help pass more legislation protecting the privacy of individuals. I like how the government pretends they have to invade people’s privacy to protect us from terrorism yet at the same time they are constantly doing things that create that very concern. What a set up. Of course I’m not just talking about the government as I personally have been victimized by a group of private citizens who just have more money than respect for human dignity. Clearly we need to do more to discourage this sort of thing, make the consequences too serious for them even to consider doing anything like this again in the future.

o-ANTI-GAY-BULLYING-facebook by Mister-Seen
Being clever enough to figure out what people are doing to you isn’t a blessing, however, if you find you are powerless to stop it. Being aware of how you are being murdered certainly doesn’t make the experience any less unpleasant. I know they’ll try magic, psychology. the media, their money, whatever they have I can expect them to throw it at me. The only things I have in my favor is that they have to be subtle, and they prefer that anything bad that happens to me appears to be completely my own fault, and, of course, the fact that I know what they’re up to can give me strategic advantages if I know how to act on that knowledge. It can also be an enormous help if I can effectively communicate it to the public because they prefer sneaking around and working in secrecy so they don’t like people knowing what they are up to. I was dwelling in ignorance of what they were doing to me for years and they exercised almost complete control over me so naturally my life was very disappointing and difficult. Even though I now know what I know it still is, but I’m very thankful I figured the game out before the end so I have a chance of coming out of this alright.

I may add a little bit to this post later but I have something different in store for my next post, some new information and how it fits in with the big picture so I’ll see you all again in a few days.

The Protocols of the Elders of Zanuck: Psychological Warfare and Filth at the Movies:


I’ve known a lot of people who talk about writing a book, hell, I myself have been threatening to write a book for years now, and I’ve even known one or two who claim they are in the process of actually writing a book. So far none of these promised books have materialized, but this crazy bastard has really gone and done it! He’s not only written a book and even published it, but it’s a 649 page behemoth: “The Protocols of the Elders of Zanuck: Psychological Warfare and Filth at the Movies”

As he starts his book by saying in his personal statement, this book isn’t about Zanuch or the hotly debated Protocols of Zion, not exclusively at any rate, it’s actually about nothing less than the Hollywood film industry itself from it’s inception to the present day and how it has, little by little, subverted the popular mind to its present confused state. This book is great, and not only because he quotes me extensively (LOL!), but because it’s full of fascinating insights and not widely known information not only about films, but the poeple who make them.

Although cinema is the youngest of the plastic arts it has, in both my opinion and that of the author, Rainer Chlodwig von K., had the most impact on Western culture in recent history. In fact, during the past 120 years it has transformed our culture beyond all recognition, and it’s degenerative influence has accelerated considerably since 1948 with the advent of television. The imaginary world these mediums show us has encouraged us for generations to let our guards down and be more ‘tolerant’ and accept all kinds of practices, organizations and policies that are not only incompatible with the world we had been working towards for hundreds of years, many of them have proven to be most harmful and corrosive to basic human nature and the high standard of living we once enjoyed. Of course all media, movies, television, radio, popular music, newspapers, magazines, book publishing, social media, video games (and this list is still growing as new technologies are perfected like virtual reality) work together to encase us in a matrix of subversive and destructive norms. In fact the author and I were recently discussing how weird and out of it most young people act these days. I remember my grandparents saying this same thing about my generation, and I have no doubt we were a lot more frivolous, irresponsible and selfish than young people were in the 1930’s. People born at the beginning of the last century have absolutely nothing, or, at least very little, in common with those born at the beginning of this one. The author and I believe the media is largely responsible for this, and many more people are waking up to this same conclusion every day. The “generation gap” had never before been much of an issue until the 1960’s when the media invented “youth culture” and started relentlessly promoting it. Then it suddenly became a very big issue and it hasn’t gone away since. In fact its since gotten so bad that it’s been commonly accepted as a given fact that kids and their parents can never be on the same wavelength.

Culture stayed pretty much the same for hundreds of years with only occasional superficial transformations from time to time due to economic and technological changes. The way people lived may have occasionally changed, and drastically, but social mores and values stayed basically the same.  Since the coming of the modern media (and film has been a major aspect of that) people’s attitudes and thinking started altering significantly, and it started to really accelerate in the early 60’s to where slang and popular thinking was being altered every few years, although this has slowed down considerably during the past 20 or 25 years. This is very likely because we’re finally approaching the final stages of their social engineering.

He comes on strong in his first chapter, “Alien Overlords of a Zombie Wasteland” where he jumps right into it discussing Hollywood’s never ending obsession with portraying dystopic future worlds and alternate realities of both physical and spiritual emptiness. He starts off with a disturbing observation about the movie, “Soylent Green” where “Sol Roth”, who is played by Edward G. Robinson, decides to have himself voluntarily euthanized in a government run center where they show you pleasant scenes set to peaceful music in a sort of cinema as they slowly drain the life out of you, and poignantly points out how this can easily be construed as an analogy for Western civilization allowing itself to whither away to nothing in front of a movie screen. Hollywood is full of symbolism like this. The occult and black magic are also full of symbolism and I see a very dark connection there. Don’t worry though, Rainer isn’t as esoteric as I am so you won’t be subjected to anything mystical like that, at least not if you don’t have any doubts that the media is just a gigantic machine used to alter the mass consciousness.

I remember when I was in junior high school that there was something of a debate about whether TV and movies copied life or whether or whether life copied television and film. It seemed to be a very good question to not only my 13 year old mind but the rest of the nation at the time. Of course there was never any real question about it, this whole “debate” was contrived, like the debate about whether television and movie violence affected the behavior of those who viewed it. There have been numerous studies that prove beyond a doubt that exposure to violence in the media inspires people to try and solve their own problems using violence, so of course media has a very profound effect on society, and children and people of low intelligence will be quickly influenced by what they watch, and through repeated exposure everyone else is eventually softened up enough to accept what they are shown in the media as “normal”. They will accept not only violence, but all the behavior they see staged before them in general. The people working in movies and television won’t admit this, not publicly at least, so they keep the debate alive in the media. Their most famous attempt at obfuscation was the “release valve” argument, where they claimed watching violence and pornography actually relieved building tensions in viewers making it much less likely that they will feel the need to actually indulge in such behavior, but ask any homicide detective and he’ll tell you how common it is for violent offenders to consciously replicate some gruesome murder they saw in a movie, or how many serial killers and rapists are heavily into pornography.
Don’t listen to the media’s hype, movies, television and even music have an undeniable affect on human behavior and they obviously know this, which is why they intentionally crank out all the degenerate crap they do. They will tell you they only do it because there’s a market for it, but considering a taste for such trash hardly even existed a generation or two before it’s obvious that they themselves have created this market that they claim they have to satisfy.


It used to be that people were very concerned about the influence media has on people. Anyone who knows about the events that lead to the introduction of the “Comics Code Authority” knows how serious people were about keeping unseemly material away from children and the simple minded. Fast forward to today and most parents either don’t care about such matters anymore or they are just so overwhelmed by the cesspool of filth and corruption we have come to live in that they feel helpless and wouldn’t even know where to begin to try and change things.

Just a small example, prior to the 1960’s people always dressed nice before going out in public and nobody would dream of using foul or even strong language at work or in front of women and children, but nowadays it seems to be perfectly normal to talk like ghetto trash in nearly any social situation. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that bad language started becoming common in movies in the mid to late sixties. Now it seems very common in movies to drop at least one or two “F bombs”. If I seriously looked into it I’ve no doubt I’d be able to trace the origins of today’s lax dress code to television and cinema too. The promiscuity young people started practicing in the 70’s is legendary today since it contrasted so starkly with the self control they had maintained till then. Is it only a coincidence that nearly every movie that came out at that time had at least one obligatory nude scene in it? Anyway Rainer does an excellent job of demonstrating how cinema has, time and again, foreshadowed things like “the Civil Rights Act” and the “Open Immigration Act” as well as every major war we have become embroiled in since “the War to End All Wars”.

He ends the book, appropriately, on the topic of censorship. Clearly we need some form of censorship to try and counter this “anything goes” swamp of prurient pandering we see everywhere these days. I used to be one of those “weird, cutting edge, over the top” gallery artists back in the day so I’m familiar with both sides of this debate. As the book points out a lot of the official arguments put forward against censorship, by the television and motion picture industries, of course, are suspiciously self serving and, frankly, ridiculous. Ironically enough they use the ‘slippery slope” approach to ridicule the idea of censorship, as if censoring gay BDSM porn will eventually lead to censorship of even the most benign forms of entertainment. This is very funny because we should know for a fact by now that the complete lack of censorship or the application of any kind of community standards is precisely what has led us to not only things like furry porn, Lolis, and all the other sick and weird stuff out there, but today’s chaotic, materialistic world where everything is “relative” and many people have not so much as a vestigial moral compass to guide their behavior any longer, but that’s okay as long as they have the media there to tell them what to do and think about everything.

Evening Sunrise:

Creepy Dwarf by Mister-Seen

“Forget the Past and you’ll lose both eyes”

-old Russian proverb

Damn! I thought of a really clever and appropriate title for this post earlier but I’ve since completely forgotten what it was! I guess I’m stuck with the stupid working title “Evening Sunrise” if I can’t remember it or think of another one. I’m such a horrible writer that simply the fact anyone reads my posts at all pretty much proves my already existing popularity beyond all doubt. I don’t even know who most of these people are so you don’t need to be Sherlock Holmes to know something funny is going on. Sometimes my writing is okay but I think a lot of these posts are downright embarrassing. I’m primarily a visual artist anyway. That’s okay, after I get a few things out of the way I’m going to start drawing again. I won’t give out anymore information on that now because I don’t want my efforts cursed. You know, I’m starting to believe that my very reluctance to put pencil to paper could very well be a result of some of their infernal incantations. If so I may be making art sooner than you think since I’ve already experienced surprising success melting a lot of their devil magick spells away lately. I noticed they’ve been changing the focus of this show away from my work to mostly attacks and criticism against me personally since the mid 90’s. Actually, who am I kidding? They’ve always badmouthed me, it’s just gotten more savage and vicious lately. And on fucking TV of all things. Talk about a grotesquely unfair advantage, and I’m not even allowed to hear what they say. They obviously do this to stir people up against me. I wish I knew why I’m so fucking important. I must be considering all the trouble they go through and how many people they employ working on that damned thing. Actually I think they made me important only so they could tear me down in front of the public. Magick is mostly symbolism anyway people. I may make a post on that later.

You know, the Bay Area is not only a hotbed of drugs and sexual perversion, there is also a lot of occult activity here. They portray me in such a way it’s guaranteed to majorly upset all the local wildlife so you just know all those witches and church of Satan people have been hexing the living shit out of me for years now. This all is intentional and I believe it’s the reason they had their agents “educate” me as they did (some of you may recall my “scapegoat” theory). I think that until recently they’ve been very successful at messing me up with their supernatural campaign, but to be honest their televisual and internet defamation seems to have done a lot more damage to me than their diabolic harassment, especially since I figured out what they were doing. The “spells”, or whatever you want to call them, were very effective at controlling my behavior and the media has been ruthlessly making real world problems for me as far back as I can remember. Like I keep saying, this is why they are so secretive and sneaky, your ignorance gives them incredible power over you. Once you figure out what they’re up to they lose a lot of their control, so wake up and free yourselves everybody!

Around three or four days ago it was pretty darn chilly, but it has been warming up considerably lately. This morning it cooled down a bit but not too much so I suppose winter is finally over around here, at least what passes for winter around here finally is. I’m making impressive progress on the prep work for the coming renovations I’m very happy to say. So far everything is coming along fine! Of course by now all the easier stuff is out of the way and only the more difficult things are left to deal with, but I’m making such impressive progress I’ve no doubt it will end in resounding success!

Aside from that one, specific project the past couple of days in particular have been depressingly wasteful and I honestly have no idea where all that time has gone, but I feel that I’m finally getting a grip and have the upper hand over that ADD. (I’ve been wondering lately whether my ADD may not also be the result of  their hocus pocus mumbo jumbo). Someday I’d like to find out all of what they have been saying and doing my unsuspecting back all these years. Another very bad thing about this idiotic charade those media dorks are putting on is that I can’t get help with my ADD because everyone is pretending I’m delusional because I know about their TV show, and it’s just not a good idea to give anyone medication that helps them focus if they are crazy. Just another example of how their evil deeds snowball. I have a lot of legitimate grievances with this show and the fuckwits who make it, but, of course nobody’s supposed to care about their abysmal disregard for ethics and morality but is rather encouraged to carry on criticizing every little thing I do and trying to tear me into smaller and smaller pieces even though I’ve completely retired from public life years ago, and never even had any power or influence in the first place. Seriously, why though? Why have I never been allowed to be left alone by these monsters? And it’s been going on nearly my entire life, since elementary school. If I had committed some heinous crime I’d likely have been released after a few years and had a team of social workers helping me put together a good life for myself. What gives these arrogant pieces of shit the right to punish me year after year after year like this? And for what?! I don’t know how they excuse their motivation for all this to the public, but it seriously feels like they are punishing me. It’s been going on forever, getting progressively more negative and invasive. I feel that they intend to keep going with it till they finally succeed in squeezing the last bit of joy out of my life, then go on to squeeze all of life itself out of me.

For the longest time I simply could not figure out why I had such rotten luck. I remember I used to tell people that I felt like God was always fucking with me. Then I found out it was TV that was fucking with me, and since so many people think television is God it all finally made a warped sort of sense.
DSiUCjCVoAAGr3v by Mister-Seen
Either I’m getting in touch with the underlying structure of the universe now or reality is very subjective. I don’t mean my ‘perceptions’ of reality are subjective, I mean reality itself. I’m growing more and more convinced that I’m actually an important part of some kind of huge moral struggle that’s going on. Not sure how I feel about it though. I’m sure all you people that naively believe everything they tell you on that show have no idea what I’m talking about, but that really doesn’t matter. They put a lot of effort into trying to prove I’m the bad guy, but push all their hype aside and you’ll see I’ve not done anything inexcusably bad, even counting all the weird shit they coerced me into doing behind the scenes using either their paid agents (and possibly even the occult). They are even largely responsible for educating me in my present point of view, but since you are eager to believe anything they tell you on the idiot box I don’t expect you to grasp the implications of all that. Most people will just believe whoever can afford the most expensive presentation, and since I ain’t got the “do re mi” there’s no point on my even bothering to play this game. Tapping away in this obscure corner of the internet is the best I can do. Even if I was the best writer ever I haven’t a chance against all their money and media. I just have to have faith that truth will out in the end.

It used to be one of my biggest fears that life might actually be meaningless and all that mattered was pleasure and power, but now I’m convinced of the existence of a spiritual dimension. The thought brokers behind that show also believe in the spiritual world, only, since the joy and wonder of existence has long ago left them, or ossified into a jaded cynicism, they are no longer awed by it and they still believe the world is only about pleasure and power, their own pleasure and power. Instead of developing any kind of connection with the rest of humanity and the universe from what they’ve learned about metaphysics they have been using this knowledge to control what they feel are inferior beings. “Inferior beings” like you and me and all the billions of others on this sphere. I’m now convinced that that TV show they use me for has occult significance. Although it has devastated my own life that was possibly just one of the side effects of making it, not the only reason for it. It’s real purpose was social engineering and the further beguiling of the public (the world). These people control you by worming their way into your heads, and their mind control is EVERYWHERE, in every ad you see, every song you hear, in movies, TV, on billboards, in magazines, in modern art, even architecture and fashion design, and even in modern language itself. Some people even believe they put chemicals in the air and water to control you. I wouldn’t doubt that they do. Even certain frequencies of sound affect you mood. They make extensive use of this and many other tricks in pop music as well as all their other media. They know all the tricks of how to manipulate what you feel, think, dream and do. They even know things you are incapable of even imagining because they have always been obsessed with control and learning how to most effectively exert and wield it. They have us all submerged in a poison matrix of their own making.

In the 1950’s they spent millions of dollars on “marketing research”, ostensibly to learn how to make better ads and commercials. But what are ads and commercials if not mind control? They still spend a fortune to this day learning how to better manipulate people. Google “government can project voices into your head”, “voice of God weapon” and “Zuckerberg’s mind reading software” just for starters. This combined with the increasingly oppressive political climate doesn’t bode very well for our collective future.
DTgHW1VVMAckQin by Mister-Seen
I know at least some of you people are disappointed that I no longer seem to do anything remotely interesting. Well, you know whose to blame for that. Those power mad assholes behind that damned show have no self control and got way too carried away stirring up trouble for me using fucking television to turn not only the entire community, but the fucking world against me. Only a fool or a liar would deny that’s what they have been doing. I’d like to take an art class but it will likely be full of young people. Young people generally have minimal life experience so they tend to naively believe everything they see on TV, and, well, lets just say I don’t suffer fools gladly. I also need to go into the city and get some important dental work done but the show originates from there and it seems that they all mindlessly follow it, so, understandably I’m not too eager to go out into that environment. It got so bad that a life of minimal excitement in my own home has become vastly preferable to the life of negative chaos they were making for me outside. Since I had that choice I naturally picked the option that was most conducive to my own personal safety and sanity. I haven’t a chance of competing with the mass media so I see no point in even trying. Besides, these people are poor matchmakers and I really don’t care for the kind of company they tend to get me involved with. Just consider me on strike if that helps you to understand what I’m saying.

I know these people, audience included, criticize me unjustly. At least they were doing so back when I was listening to this thing. They obviously don’t give a fuck about my legal rights so naturally they could care less about saying unfair things about me. All these TV people are doing is working up an unruly mob against me. Most people these days are empty vessels living only to be told what to think and do. Anyway it’s really a base and low concept for a show. They ruin my life then record and broadcast it. Not much has changed since the days they threw people to wild beast in the Colosseum to amuse the public. I never agreed to any of this and it has made things difficult and disappointing for me most of my life. I’ve been pleading for them to stop for eleven years now but my wishes have not only been entirely ignored, this damned show has actually been growing progressively more cruel and invasive all this time. Everyone who reads anything I have written knows I want it stopped. Also considering the devastation they have caused me I think I also certainly deserve compensation for all I have lost.

Okay, I know I’m just flogging a dead horse at this point, even worse, it seems, the more I complain the more audacious and brazen they get. They love doing this sort of thing, playing demented gods. They live for it.
Untitled by Mister-Seen
Right now I’m reading “The Gulag Archipelago”. After that I’d like to read, “Democracy in America”. I just ordered two very interesting books I’m curious about, “The Books of Enoch”: and, “Who built the Moon?”. I believe the “Book of Enoch” talks about a lot of stuff from the time of Genesis and mentions “Nephilim”. From my understanding they are the product of the union of human females and fallen angels and they are usually giants. In burial mounds across the globe their have been found the ancient remains (at least 8,000 years old if memory serves) of giants seven to twelve feet tall, often with double rows of teeth. Judging by how they are buried and what they are buried with (slaves, artifacts made with precious stones and metals) they seem to have been kings. People used to find huge human bones all across America (Google for old newspaper articles about them) and turned them over to the Smithsonian. Oddly enough they have all since disappeared, although some still exist in private collections. They are so old many of them that they often begin to rapidly deteriorate once exposed to the modern atmosphere. Anyway it’s one of those interesting topics not recognized by mainstream science so theirs not exactly an overabundance of research available.

“Who Built the Moon” is about our familiar satellite and it’s anomalies and it proposes an original and unique theory to explain them. This is from the book description, ” They found a consistent sequence of integer numbers that they can apply to every major aspect of the Moon; no such pattern emerges for any other planet or moon in the solar system. In addition, Knight and Butler discovered that the Moon possesses few or no heavy metals and has no core—something that should not be possible. Their persuasive conclusion: if higher life only developed on Earth because the Moon is exactly what it is and where it is, it becomes unreasonable to cling to the idea that the Moon is a natural object”. Also, from what I understand, the moon orbits the earth much closer than it should, closer than any of the other moons in our solar system orbit their parent planets. It’s a very remarkable “coincidence” that the moon perfectly superimposes itself over the sun during eclipse (sun and moon are the exact same size in our sky). Also, when the Apollo 12 intentionally crashed part of its Lunar Module into the Moon, it rang like a bell for an hour, indicating that it must be hollow like a bell. Some argue that it’s because the moon is just so dry. I don’t know, but the book sounds very interesting. I only hope it’s written well.
DUELezmUMAIWC03 by Mister-Seen
All my life I’ve only believed what science can prove. Science requires facts for proof but many facts are ignored, or sometimes they are ambiguous but they only use them to prove whatever hypothesis is in vogue at the time. Unusual and unexplained things occur, not often, granted, but they do from time to time. For instance I’m concerned for Karen’s future. I’m not confident she can make it on her own, that someone will eventually take advantage of her and fleece her of what little she has. I held these concerns in common with her mother. Before she died I promised her I’d do my best to look out for Karen, and that if I ever get the money I’m due that I’ll use it to protect her from harm. On the 27th of December when I was getting ready to leave the house for an early morning doctor’s appointment, around 6am I think, I heard a strange squeaking noise coming from the dining room. When I investigated it I found the ceiling fan was spinning. I never turn it on but the switch was in the on position and the fan was spinning. How did it turn itself on when I wasn’t even in the room? A week later when I finally talked to Karen she told me her mother had passed away. Later in the conversation after we had worked our way down to sharing trivia and events of minor importance I told her about the fan incident and I told her what day it happened. We then both realized that both the fan episode and her mother’s demise occurred not only on the same day, but the fan’s independent and mysterious activity happened very shortly after her mother’s last breath, freakishly soon after adjusting for the time difference between here and where they were. Of course I suspect it was her mother’s spirit checking in on me and reminding me of the promise I made her before going off to her next incarnation (or ultimate destiny depending on your religious inclination). I also realize it’s possible that this whole experience might just be another set up of those TV people who direct my life. Since my home is basically a set where a television show is staged and filmed they may have been able to turn on the fan remotely. Perhaps Karen’s mother never died at all. Maybe that wasn’t even Karen’s mother in the first place since my life is so full of actors. It’s very confusing so it’s just easier for me to play along with the script sometimes and pretend that things really are what they seem to be. If I assume everything is fake and constantly engage myself in trying to figure out every little aspect of what they could be doing I’d eventually completely lose my mind.

Sometime in the middle of June, possibly July, after all the madness over here is finally finished and because it will be an all day trip, I plan on taking a little journey out to Mariposa Street in SF. Just a little exploratory expedition to familiarize myself with the lay of the land. I’ll let you all know what happens when the time comes.

My progress in figuring out what they are doing to me and my freeing myself of it has been very slow but steady. I do wish I could catch on a little faster than I do, but I am very heartened by the fact I’ve made such solid progress. Lets be honest, a lot of people live very long lives and die before they figure out the first thing about themselves or their relationship to the world. It’s not even all about intelligence either, but imagination and the ability to change your focus. Tearing down cherished notions you may have held for years because they were built on a faulty foundation and putting something drastically different up in it’s place on a more sound substratum. It’s always a lot of work arriving at the truth. The sad part is that even the lucky few of us who do manage to figure the universe out eventually have to die only to start over from scratch again, although not completely over.

Indoor Picnic:

. . 56-3642574-1429538256beb700524d9643288615f1a959f87 by Mister-Seen
I think today I’ll just eat a cheap meal, hot-dogs, beans and potato chips. I had some unusual expenses earlier this month so I need to economize. My ADD has really been acting up bad lately. I can’t concentrate on anything. I got up to page 282 of “American Psycho“, I was going to write a review of it, but to be honest, I completely lost interest. It’s not terribly well written. One of the reasons I started reading it was that I assumed, based on the cover, that it was written in the early sixties. I mean, come on, look at it, it’s totally retro! But no, it was published in 1991. I actually read another one of his books ten or fifteen years ago, “Less Than Zero”. He’s not an overly impressive writer but he deals in topics that arouse your morbid curiosity. In “Less Than Zero” it was rich kids doing drugs. In “American Psycho” it’s a yuppie serial killer. Oh well, I took a lot of notes so I guess I may as well finish it and write the damned review. He’s not very subtle so it’s not much of a challenged to figure out what he’s saying. Understated delicacy is obviously not very much in vogue these days.

In case anyone is interested in hearing more of my domestic news Karen bought me a new cart recently since the two I already had are now broken, a red one this time. They make the damned things so unnecessarily cheap they never last more than a year tops. I got it yesterday and there is a certain amount of assembly required. I need a pair of needle nosed pliers to insert the cotter pins and I either don’t have any or I just can’t find them so that project is now on hold. Karen suggested that I could ask the management here if they would lend me a pair. Maybe, they did let me borrow a hand tuck before. I may try that solution Monday. If they refuse to cooperate I guess I’ll just have to wait and buy some off E bay. No hurry, I’m already stocked up on jugs of water. That’s pretty much the heaviest thing I buy.

Oh, and just now I checked the mail and found a Nagel book. Older people may remember that he was kind of a big deal back in the mid 80’s, though I personally never cared much for him. Haven’t talked to Karen yet so I’m not sure whether she bought it for herself or got it for me as a joke. Maybe some seller just sent the wrong book, that happens more often than it should. She has her purchases sent to me because her father has a few untreated psychological problems and would totally flip if he knew she was buying all this junk. Although I agree it’s best to be as frugal as possible he does seem to over react to certain things way too much. Recently she got me this very nice H.J. Ward book to thank me for a favor I did for her. It’s awesome! I’m surprised they don’t make more books about those early 20th century illustrators. Those guys really knew their craft inside and out. There are a few books out on Pulp covers, but I hate buying too many general books on that topic because they all pretty much have a lot of the same pictures in them. I’m very in favor of publishing the works of old time magazine, comic book and newspaper illustrators in book form because, unfortunately, that stuff was originally printed on the absolute cheapest paper available and they are so fragile that simple exposure to light and air will eventually destroy them. I used to collect paper ephemera but I no longer think it’s worth it since they are always deteriorating, but I am slowly growing a library of illustrated books featuring their work. Next I’d like to get a book on J. C. Leyendecker. He was another legend.

I’m supposed to write a review of a friend’s book that he recently published about the subversive history of Hollywood, “The Protocols of the Elders of Zanuck: Psychological Warfare and Filth at the Movies“. I started working on it last week until I realized I was just writing my own essay on cinema. Of course I was, I read the book one or two months ago so I only have an ambiguous impression of it still with me. What I’ll have to do then is reread the book, or, at least, parts of it, then share my thoughts and impressions of what he wrote. Damn, and I better do it soon, I think I’ve already kept him waiting too long as it is. Anyway, since I’ve mentioned his book I may as well also link to his blog.

Earlier, a few days ago, I watched all four “Toxic Avenger” movies in a row and I wanted to review those, and even though I endured that crap-fest to the bitter end my mind again wandered and I no longer felt like writing the review. Now it’s no longer fresh in my mind so I don’t know if I can do them justice.

Anyway, after I stopped reading the Ellis book I started working on another skull mask, this time I’m doing “The Red Skull”. I should have bought more of those skull masks from China when they were available, I had no idea they’d ever stop selling them. They’re solid, white, foam plastic masks and I decorate them with markers. They were only a buck each but I only bought four, and one’s fucked up. Maybe they’ll be available again next Halloween. I hope so. I think I’ll make my next skull a clown. That would be fun. Well, at least you’d think so. It’s very slow and tedious work decorating those things with Sharpies and now that I don’t get high any longer my attention span is pitifully short. When I was a kid they had me on Ritalin for it so I guess they were already grooming me to be a druggy even way back then. Oh well, if I keep forcing myself to do that kind of work even though I don’t like it it will eventually become a habit, it just takes discipline, that’s all.

I’d like to start drawing again, I think I had a unique gift, and time is slipping away so quickly I feel it’s a crime that I’m wasting so much of it. I mean, sure, I read and even write a little bit, but I want to create something substantial. I admit I have no idea how to write a novel, but I know how to make pictures so that seems to be the easiest road I can take to accomplishing something noteworthy. Hell, I’m already literally a world famous artist so it seems kind of silly that I don’t even draw anymore. I think part of it is I feel I’ve been terminally trivialized and all my efforts are destined to never be taken seriously because of that cornball television show of theirs. No matter what I do I’ll be most famous for that shitty show. That’s pretty disheartening so it kinda takes the wind out of my sails. Of course drugs would certainly jump start my production. Drugs and art, for me at least, seem to go together. I used to love looking at art stoned. You often feel like you are literally walking around inside the picture. But I know some people who have died from drugs, and, what’s even worse, I knew this one guy in High School who we all thought was pretty smart, but now, after countless years of drug abuse he’s just a crazy asshole nobody wants to talk to or have anything to do with anymore. I think that’s even worse than death.
0b5dea20aaf10e633945630eef2f64bfd4dfc884a3829aadbb by Mister-Seen
“Can’t you keep your money and just give me my life back?” That’s how I often feel about this whole thing. Of course I don’t know if they ever really plan on paying me. Based on all their past behavior towards me it doesn’t seem very likely they ever will. Sometimes I wonder if my parents sold me to a television studio for money to buy drugs or pay gambling debts or something. These TV people certainly act like they own me. I mean, of course I was never able to do anything meaningful with my life because they stole it from me at an early age and starred me in their brainless TV show and have been directing my life as though it were a nihilist play ever since. That show should be no reflection on me. If it reminds you of the Jerry Springer show meets the Weekly World News or the National Enquirer it’s not because of me or how I want to live my life, rather it’s because that’s the highest level of entertainment these retarded hacks are capable of creating. They’ve wasted years of my life trying to compress me down to something that matches what their limited ability can portray.

They also had to hold me down so they could keep control over me. Naturally the more independent I could become or the more money I could make the more in charge of my life I’d be, and they certainly could not allow that. For instance, if I had enough money I’d have been able to find out about this stupid show of theirs many years sooner and I could have put a stop to it. They could not allow me to jeopardize their cash cow like that so they always made sure I couldn’t get a high paying job or make connections on my own that I could find useful in obtaining my independence. These assholes are total control freaks. The only reason they let me move out of the welfare building in Oakland was because they didn’t want me to be able to hear their show anymore.

They want absolute and complete control over the narrative, they don’t want to be bothered by my contradicting them or explaining the real story behind any of what they tell you. When you study how the media controls your thoughts practically the first thing that jumps out at you is how they always either silence, ignore or misrepresent anyone who contradicts the story they want the public to believe.

When I say I was never allowed to live a meaningful life I’m not even necessarily saying that I’d have created a great masterpiece of art or written an important novel or anything like that, just having been able to get married 20 or 30 years ago and having had children that would be college age by now would have been nice, but you go ahead and try to have an intimate relationship with anyone while you are being secretly starred in some cheesy shit show and see how fucking easy it is. I was always plagued by this urgent sense that everyone was lying to me, that everyone was dishonest and big secrets were being kept from me. Yeah, you don’t have to be all that perceptive to pick up on that shit, it’s pretty obvious and it totally fucks up your ability to feel any trust in anyone. You’re totally cut off from the world, from everyone, it’s just you, all alone, against a hostile world. The situation is not exactly conducive to living a healthy life full of love and friendship. Near as I can tell their show started seriously messing me up back around 1979-80 when they started focusing on how “weird” and angry I supposedly was. Considering that that time frame spanned from when I was ten till I was fifteen or sixteen that means that I had been suffering in the withering glare of their invasive spotlight for at least five years at that point so it should be no wonder if I was. This is just one of many examples of how this Satanic thing feeds off of the chaos and misery it creates.

People have always disappointed me but art was something that was always there for me whenever I needed it. Another unfortunate side effect of that evil show is it has majorly distracted me from the road I wanted to travel and I eventually stopped making art altogether, but I want to try and resume my journey. My skills are pretty rusty so it may be too soon to try to tackle themes like “alienation” and “loneliness”, besides, I’ve been kidnapped by pop culture so those subjects may be too serious for my audience, or it just wouldn’t be weird or exciting enough for them. Fine, so that’s the way it is, that’s what I have to work with. I’m creative, I can figure out an angle if I want to do something interesting and get back into making art. Maybe to warm up (I’ve been idyll for quite a number of years now), since I’ve been, against my will, made into something of a pop icon, I can capitalize on that and do a series of drawings of old movie monsters. That wouldn’t be too challenging to start off and they come with a ready made fan base. I even think a lot of them are public domain by now.
1523970896267 by Mister-Seen
I’m not sure I want to just pick up where I left off, drawing those visual puns and that surrealist and existential slapstick stuff. I posted a series of oddball “believe it or not” type stories here not long ago, maybe I could draw illustrations for those. Oh, I don’t know. I should just draw something, not even plan it, the main thing is to just get going again, but it’s so hard. I feel something is blocking me or holding me back and I’m not sure what it is.

I simply can’t get over how these clowns picked me out of the crowd and made me so damned famous without even telling me or asking my fucking permission, unless I was kidnapped and forced to sign a contract and then I was hypnotized to forget about it (which I’m sure we can all agree would be pretty far fetched) I never consented to any of this degrading bullshit. These people are monsters. I’ve been suffering all the unpleasant and difficult aspects of being a celebrity without a single one of the perks. This TV star gig is a real pain in the ass, this is why they get paid the big bucks. These sadistic assholes have had me working for free for nearly half a god damned century by now. I’d say “there ought to be a law”, but there already is, lots of very serious laws have been routinely violated where I’m concerned, but these privileged assholes aren’t held to them. I have no idea what the fuck is going on here. I’d never have chosen to be on TV, at least, if I did I’d prefer to be a traditional TV star. You know, one who actually gets paid.

And seriously, why would I have ever agreed to a shitty deal like this? I’d never grant somebody permission to broadcast hateful slander about me to all four corners of the globe every night, or allow these same misanthropes to completely control my life like this. It seems every friend I’ve ever had, every girl I’ve ever dated works for these people, and remember, these are cheap bastards so they’re not willing to put out for anyone who’s terribly interesting or attractive (at least they weren’t until recently, but I’m through falling for it). They had a real inexpensive and economic way of manipulating my social life. Nature abhors a vacuum, and their tasteless, tacky show repels people so my social life is usually an empty wasteland. They could just plop down any bargain basement loser they could find in the middle of that desert and all they had to do is show a little interest in me and, well, it’s not like my social calendar is solidly booked or anything, so, because I didn’t usually have anything else going on I’d eventually start socializing with these creeps.

Anyway, I finally wised up. Since everybody is only out to get stories about me for that lame show or get me into trouble I just stay away from everyone these days. Believe it or not women often flirt with me and they are often very forward about it. Actually this hardly ever happens nowadays because I’ve just been staying home all the time for the past few years and only shop very early in the morning when there’s hardly anyone out yet. I guess those TV people had been getting desperate because these women have been starting to get pretty uncharacteristically decent looking during the past six years. Sometimes, although very rarely, they even went so far as to offer to perform sexual acts on me, and these weren’t prostitutes. They were usually young, fit and attractive White girls and often dressed very nice and conservatively that I meet at either the Bart Station or while out shopping. Of course I’m not stupid. I’m just a generic, middle aged guy who dresses like a slob. Sure, a lot of girls these days have a sort of “daddy fetish”, but they usually prefer older guys with serious money and nobody could mistake me for a rich guy. These girls are either working for that show or hoping to get on it by having some spicy or degrading stories about me to share. Actually, given that they are attempting to do this for fame and fortune I suppose they are a kind of prostitute. Of course I want no part of any of that, I’m tired of being exploited by these goons. I’m not a performing money they can entice into copulating for their own childish amusement. Either pay me for the 44 years of work I’ve already done for you or leave me the fuck alone. I used to take all the flirting girls as evidence that I did have a big payday coming. A lot of women seem to be doing that these days, they get their hooks into some rich schlub then divorce him in a year or two and take half of his money, but I’m pretty eccentric so I’m not for everyone, and I’m also not so sure that in this society which puts such a premium on novelty and instant gratification that many of today’s girls could stand married life that long unless they were receiving regular paychecks in order to do so. I won’t have any money till this stupid show is canceled. Anyway, what possible motivation could I have to take the bait? Nothing ever works out, and it’s not only because I know they’re always lying to me, things just aren’t really supposed to ever work out. My achieving happiness and contentment is not the endgame here. It never was.
Eb5ec8cd144aab886262e08e340a581691f28ed8a9294fe0d4 by Mister-Seen
This stupid show of theirs can also make it needlessly difficult for me to grow, improve and develop as a person. They constantly show old footage, and if I know these schlockmeisters they are getting lots of mileage out of old clips of me blowing my stack. The fact is I’m a lot more relaxed now that I have some idea what the fuck is actually going on, but these zombies are constantly shown footage of me getting mad so they naturally assume that’s just what I’m like. I use this as an example, it could be anything. I already mentioned in a previous post how a lot of people seem to assume I’m into precisely the same things that I was back in junior high or high school, but, like everybody else I’ve changed considerably over the years and I’m constantly learning and altering my tastes and opinions accordingly. People who watch that tabloid crap show supposedly about me don’t know me, they don’t know me at all. The person in that show is a fictional character. They create a false impression of me by showing select clips over and over again and letting any pathetic loser who wants to be on television go on there and make up preposterous stories about me. I’m really a very nice person but sometimes people make it hard because they’ve already made up their minds about me from that criminal show and treat me like a jerk. Funny how every sane individual who knows me personally likes me yet everyone who knows me only from the show hates me. It doesn’t really bother me all that much because, really, who cares if a bunch of morons don’t like you, but there is such a thing as common courtesy.

Some people do actually get it. They understand the show is only entertainment and that they exaggerate whatever quirks I may have and try to make me into a grotesque caricature or parody of myself because people these days like that kind of thing. Unfortunately sophistication like that is very rare and most people, like little children, take everything they see on TV literally so they take out their dislike for the contrived personality they see on the screen on me, which is very naive and inappropriate.

Figuring out all the ways they are spying on me used to take up a lot of my time when I was in that low rent building on Oakland. I really didn’t have much else to do. I once thought neighbors were spying on my cordless phone calls with some kind of equipment because they were reacting to what we were saying on the phone as we were saying it. Now I’m pretty sure it’s because my phone is tapped and my calls are broadcast live on that stupid fucking show. I once heard them playing one of the obscure video tapes I owned on that show, some stuff from the 1960’s. I figured they recorded it sometime when I was watching it on that thing they have for monitoring what your kids are watching on TV, or maybe Dana copied all my tapes while I was at work so maybe they were only playing one of those. I ruled out that it could have been footage shot in my room as I was watching it because the sound was way too clear. Evidently they not only show hidden camera footage of me and stories people tell about me but also everything I watch on TV, do on the computer and possibly whatever I’m reading too. Some of it anyway. I think it’s possible I have an entire channel all to myself, at any rate I think it’s very likely they have all that material available on their web site.

I also found that someone had uploaded Web Watcher onto my computer while I was in that miserable Oakland building, which didn’t really surprise me. That program costs over $100 so I know none of my neighbors bought it. Obviously the show paid for it and they had one of the losers in the building install it when I was out.  Back when I was living with Dana she once sent me an email with a virus attached to one of it’s pictures that infected my computer. She was not only able to see everything I was doing on the computer in real time but had control over all it’s functions. She, of course, being the demented, power mad cunt she is couldn’t help demonstrating her power over me by fucking with me while I was trying to do some Photoshop work, thereby giving her whole game away. She even paid this guy I knew to ask me a bunch of personal questions and questions about how much money I was getting, as well as all my financial details as he was secretly taping it. Isn’t that just tacky as fuck? The only reason I found out about that one was because I heard them playing his little tape on that vile show of theirs when I was living in that Oakland hotel. She had people doing this kind of stuff to me all the time. This kind of thing is not only creepy it’s also pretty sadistic when you think about it, but obviously nobody’s thinking too deeply hear. Either that or their just inhuman fiends. Personally I think it’s both.

Even my psychiatric sessions were broadcast live (which is not only as unethical as hell but highly illegal), plus I know people who work at the hospitals and with the doctors I go to sell them all my medical information to broadcast on that damned thing.

Although I’m sure they have pinhole cameras in the ceiling over my bed and desk since they want to watch me drawing and even read whatever I’m writing, I’m sure at the Oaks they had some cameras in the walls too because not long after I first moved in there I used to hang out in the lobby a lot since I didn’t have any furniture in my room yet and I was subjected to a staged conversation where a tenant was asking the front desk for some tape so he could put up some posters in his room and they were telling him no because it was against the rules to put up posters, which was complete bullshit. I think they didn’t want me covering up any of their lenses in my walls by putting up posters. Naturally after a year or two my walls were absolutely plastered with pictures, but since it seems everywhere I live has heavily textured and high ceilings I was never able to do much about the cameras up there. There’s equipment you could buy that detects bugs and cameras, but its very expensive. Just another reason why they’ve kept me poor I guess.

Up against the media as I am I find there’s very little I can do to ‘defend myself’ because I’ll always look like I’m the bad guy. Like back in 2007 when I was understandably upset with Brownfield for setting me up and making me homeless I said a lot of harsh things about her, even though I was the victim 100% I looked like an ungrateful asshole because of the way they spun the story on their show. She actually went on her own show crying about “how hard she tried to help me”, obviously never mentioning the fact that she herself was in charge of that very show and has been messing up my life since I can remember. I have a lot to be pissed off about in this situation, but anytime I’ve expressed that I was portrayed as a psychotic hothead. They were even making fun of me when I got depressed over it. Funny how they didn’t tell the truth and just say I was depressed because their show had ruined my life and everything I had ever tried to do, instead it was presented that I “suffered from depression”, like I simply had a psychological disorder. Same when they successfully got me mixed up with drugs. They certainly paved the way to them for me by giving me an awful lot I wanted to forget and get away from. They also had their employees posing as my friends who encouraged my drug use by giving and selling them to me. Of course they entirely ignored that whole aspect of it and just told the public I was just another drug addict.

Boys At Beach Small Web by Mister-Seen
How much better and happier my life would have been if they were honest with me about this show, or at least didn’t work so hard behind the scenes to fuck me up or slander me so viciously on it, but these people are habitually dishonest and that’s just how they roll. One of the things I hate most about these people is how they always have to sneak around.

Dana herself is particularly perverse in this way, if an end could be arrived at with equal satisfaction by either a straight forward, up front approach or a devious underhanded way she will always prefer the dishonest method. I remember once, many, many years ago, I was watching TV with Dana and it was one of those nature documentaries about how the bucks duel for access to the females during mating season. It mentioned how while the fit and strong males were fighting each other to prove their worthiness to reproduce many of the more weak and sickly males would take advantage of this to sneak in a little rutting of their own while the big boys were distracted. I was thinking, “Okay, so sneakiness isn’t just a human trait”, but Dana thought this was the best thing in the world and kept going on about how “Smart” those sneaky fuckers were. She just couldn’t get over it she was so absolutely awed by it. She was, I thought, more than a little too impressed.

So she’s always been very interested in deception. It’s in her blood. Then there was the time I had that Yahoo group back in ’03 or ’04. Back then, before I figured out I was the center of attention on a sappy “reality” show this sense that I was being watched and spied on would occasionally overwhelm me and I’d get a little paranoid. This time I decided to clean out the members of my Yahoo group and limit it to people I actually knew and people who knew people I knew. I didn’t want any strangers spying on me. I made an announcement that people who can’t prove that I know them or that they know somebody I know will be deleted. Dana had joined under a fake account. She has lots of fake accounts. Under her fake account she begged to stay even though she didn’t know me. In this account she claimed to be a retired airplane mechanic or some bullshit. I didn’t know this character, so I deleted him like I said I would. Okay, I forgot to mention that a few weeks or a month before this I was at the computer with Dana and she saw me put in my password. Even though she smiled very strangely after seeing me do this I’d known her nearly 20 years at that point so I thought nothing of it. Like a lot of people I used the same password for everything. Obviously I’ve never been paranoid enough. When I think about this I think it’s also very possible that everything I did on her computer was monitored anyway so it’s likely she already knew all my passwords, but who knows.
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So, back to my story- not long after I deleted her sock puppet account someone had changed the password to my Yahoo group so, of course I could no longer get in. A couple weeks later it was deleted entirely. Obviously she wanted to be in the group so she could have immediate access to all my posts so she could feature them on her stupid fucking TV show and because I deleted her fake account she destroyed the group. But she’s such a twisted cunt, if she wanted to know everything I was doing in that group she could have just joined under her own name, or, since she knew my password she could get in it herself and spy on me that way. She’s so devious she’s warped her own mind beyond all reason.

Now that I think of it back in the 80’s once she actually asked me what my pin number for my bank account was. Of course I didn’t tell her based on simple principal, I NEVER give out any of my banking information to anyone. If not for that strict code I set for myself I’d probably actually have told her since I didn’t feel I had any reason not to trust her, but knowing what I know now and thinking back I think it’s creepy as fuck that she even had the nerve to ask me that. I hate to think of what might have happened had I told her.

Also, Dana has always known that I’d give her copies of any of my pictures she wanted if she just asked for them, but instead while I was staying there she was busy stealing prints from my print file while I was out of the house. A lot of times the print I had was the only copy of the picture I possessed. I’d have gladly made her copies but the POS bitch stole them so they are now lost to me forever. She was also stealing originals, many of which weren’t yet finished and some I hadn’t even made copies of yet. I didn’t even realize this was going on until relatively recently when I finally got around to looking through that old stuff and found all these things missing. A lot of what’s missing Dana had expressed specific interest in, and now they’ve all mysteriously vanished.

Not all the sneaky shit she does is as pointless as what I’ve just mentioned. For the longest time they were offering financial incentives for people who could provide them with material they could use on that cornball production of theirs. So people would not only make up lurid stories about me to tell on the air, the losers at the welfare building I was staying at from ’07-’12 were stealing Computer CDs and notebooks out of my room to get the money they were offering. That was entirely unnecessary since they already had cameras and microphones in my room and Web-Watcher on my computer, but by encouraging everyone to participate it becomes a community effort to harass and persecute me. These assholes are obsessed with manipulating and controlling people. You know what’s really worrisome? Dana has in the past confided in me that someday she hopes to go into politics. There’s a truly frightening thought.
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Also, to anyone who thinks I’m just saying all this stuff about Dana K. Brownfield because I’m just trying to slander an X-girlfriend, well, she was never my girlfriend. I’ve explained all this before but I don’t remember how long ago. Her family was friends with the people who started that damned show so they were grooming her to take it over back in the ’80’s. She got a job where I was working, made herself available to me, we started dating and then she got me to move up to the Bay Area with her where this show originated, where she promptly dumped me, no reasons given. Eventually I moved back down south. Of course the show started making everyone I knew act crazy towards me and Dana was bugging me to move into her home in Oakland so I finally said yes just to get away from the madness going on around me where I was and came back up here. That was obviously one of my biggest mistakes. While I was living there she had some girl named Anne use sex to get me involved with hard drugs, then later, when Anne left on a long trip Dana kicked me out. I was never her bf, I was just an assignment. These people are sick bastards.