“Aleister Crowley- The Nature of the Beast” by Colin Wilson:

Wilson stoutly disagrees with the Crowley disciple who wrote of him in the Oxford student magazine, “Isis”, that his ‘ideals are noble his honor stainless and his life devoted wholly to the service of mankind’. Wilson thinks, and not without ample reason, that Crowley was a selfish and horrible human being, but he is honest insofar as he is willing to give credit where credit is due and admits he had phenomenal will power and a profound understanding of true Magick.

Although he was popularly despised during his lifetime and forced to suffer under the epithet, “the wickedest man in the world”, and his religion and system of magic “Thelema” (Crowleyanity) originally found expression in seedy cults and underground organizations during the first half of the twentieth century, it has since grown to be the official religion of today’s power elites and he himself has himself become a cultural icon.

According to Crowley Magick is the Science and Art of causing Change to occur in conformity with the Will. This is his central definition of Magick.

Wilson surmises that feelings of futility and apathy come from feeling trapped in the external world and that true freedom results from a descent into oneself. There we can experience states of mind in which syncronicities will occur, and this indicates that there is a element of Magick in everyday living that Crowley had managed to tap into. He seemed to have the power that Jung referred to as ‘active imagination’, which is the power to dive into the subconscious mind and see visions, which is the power that followers of the Kabbalah cultivate and is frequently mentioned in books on the practice of Magick.

Crowley was a very skilled magician. His curses invariably worked, and those he hexed were sure to suffer dire misfortune. He was able to affect people’s behavior, and even personalities through a form of telepathic hypnosis, inducing them to be agreeable and magnanimous towards him, or even, as related in the book, made to act like crazed lunatics, or even dogs.

I can certainly relate to Crowley having to live under the black cloud of negative publicity, even though in his case he largely brought it on himself, while mine is directly attributable to contrived tabloid television drama, theatrics and behind the scenes interference. Even though his is richly deserved I did feel sympathy for him since I know from personal experience how small and petty people generally are. Media defamation seems to magnify this natural tendency of theirs to intolerable proportions. Fortunately for him he had his personal magnetism with which to attract women and followers to himself despite all the media madness that swirled around him everywhere he went. The women he attracted he dominated completely, and usually, after he left them, they became alcoholic wrecks and literally drank themselves to death.

As with most larger than life characters it can be almost impossible to separate fact from legend. His last mistress tells us that the second he died the curtains blew outward and there was a violent peal of thunder. She speculated that it could have been God welcoming his soul. I’m sure most would assume, if, in fact this actually happened at all and signified anything, that it was most likely the devil consigning his spirit to the lake of fire.

All in all, though its a very short book (168 pages pages) it was a very satisfying read and had much more substance to it than the other book on Crowley that I read, “The Beast” by Daniel Mannix, which was mostly lurid sensationalism. You shouldn’t have any trouble finding an affordable copy of it, especially if you follow the link provided below. I heartily recommend it. Five out of four stars.

Aleister Crowley The Nature of the Beast

“The Moonstone” by Wilkie Collins:

Often said to be the first detective novel ever (though agreement on this is hardly unanimous), it is also said to be Wilkie Collins’s best book, along with his “The Woman in White”. It is an epistolary novel, meaning it is composed of a series of documents (letters, newspaper articles, journal entries, official reports and the like). This was a very popular literary device at the time, and very effective if done right. This work is constructed from testimonials penned by various characters in the story describing important things they’ve seen and noticed about the theft and the curious circumstances and events surrounding it.
The “Moonstone” of the title is a very large diamond stolen from the forehead of the Hindu moon-god, Chandra, by an officer in the British army, Colonel Herncastle, in the siege of Seringapatam. Of course the stolen gem has a curse associated with it. Herncastle is considered the black sheep in his family and is routinely shunned by both society and his own relatives. Whether as a gesture of good will or an act of petty revenge, at his death he wills the hexed stone to his niece, Rachel Verinder, on her 18th birthday. Immediately some Indian priests, the hereditary guardians of the stone, show up at the family residence on the day of her party and the stone goes missing that very evening. Of course these Hindus are the primary suspects initially.

The first couple hundred pages are composed of a narrative by the head servant of the household where the birthday party took place, Gabriel Betteredge. In it we are familiarized with the basic facts of the mystery. In the morning after the party, when the jewel is found missing, Rachel’s cousin, Franklin Blake, calls in the police, but, curiously, Rachel refuses to cooperate with the police’s inquiries. Of course each subsequent narrative only serves to deepen the mystery. Later on in the book we find that Rachel Verinder actually saw Franklin Blake steal into her room in the dead of night to abstract the prized diamond from the cupboard where she hid it, so Rachel’s refusal to be interviewed by the detectives was not an indication that she was trying to perpetrate a fraud, rather she was attempting to shield her cousin from scandal.

The second narrative was written by a poor relation and a zealous Christian. Of course Collins goes out of his way to represent her as an obnoxious fool. This makes sense when we recall that Collins was a high level Mason, as was his mentor Charles Dickens. Clearly the social engineering being done by these secret societies has been going on for a very long time by now since “The Moonstone” was published in 1868. There are also many attempts to amend public attitudes about various fundamental prejudices throughout his work. One of the most obvious attempts along this line focus on the local physician, Mr. Thomas Candy, and his medical assistant, Ezra Jennings. Though Jennings is a swarthy half cast and therefore made a negative impression on people anywhere he went in England, he was portrayed as the only competent medical man who assisted his employer when he got deathly ill after catching a chill on his way home after Rachel’s party. The two other British doctors who attended him nearly killed him, but Ezra was able to bring him back to life with his medical knowledge and common sense. After Mr. Candy recovers from his attack he is not the same man as before as he has lost much of his memory and medical knowledge during his fever, and Jennings, per force, basically takes over his (vastly diminished) practice afterwards once Mr. Candy’s wealthier clients have lost their faith in him and went on to patronize other local doctors.

In the course of the story it is revealed that Mr. Candy took the liberty of doing something of questionable ethics by secretly giving Mr. Franklin Blake a dose of Laudanum after Mr. Blake cast aspersions on his profession at the party. This was done in an effort to prove that Mr Blake’s comment at the gathering that medicine was basically the same as “groping in the dark” was spoken in ignorance. Mr Blake complained of sleeplessness from giving up the practice of smoking, and the laudanum was to prove to Mr. Blake that medicine often provided the most practical solution to physical complaints. Ezra hears his employer confess to this prank while he is rambling on in a delirium as he was attending him in his sick bed. It then becomes obvious that Mr. Blake, who was in his mind obsessing over the safety of the gem, took the gem out of the cabinet, intending to put it in some safer place while in an opium induced trance. They now have solved the mystery of who stole the gem and why, but the mystery remained concerning its present whereabouts.

As it turns out the solution to what became of the gem rested in the theory that when one did something that strays from normal habits while under the influence of certain drugs, even if they are done unconsciously in a state of blackout, they are best recalled while under the effects of that same substance. An experiment, proposed by Ezra Jennings, to reproduce, as close as possible Mr Blake’s experiences after the party, was initiated in hopes of finding out what became of the stone. Of course this relied on Mr Blake being supplied with another dose of laudanum. I’ve already revealed too much about this story so I’ll say no more about the ultimate solution to this literary enigma.

I myself can attest to the truth of this phenomenon. As you know if you’ve been reading my posts for a while, the people behind that television show went to great lengths for years to place me in close proximity to hard drugs and hard drug users. It should come as no surprise to anyone that a combination of having these drugs easily available and the generally depressing circumstances of my life due to my being exploited without pay since I was a child by those media people, resulted in my using these drugs. While high I liked to stay busy and I produced a lot of art. When I had the epiphany that these TV people intentionally led me to drugs and were making it difficult for me to quit (I was routinely treated with the most shocking rudeness and inhospitality imaginable whenever I showed up at 12 step meetings), I determined to quit entirely on my own. It wasn’t easy since I was on so many different drugs, but truly wanting something can make difficult goals more easily attainable so I was able to do it. However I found I could no longer draw so well anymore. I knew that if I got a little high it would all come back to me, but considering all the trouble I had to go through to get those vices out of my life I wasn’t exactly eager to flirt with that morass of misery again. The fact I don’t draw anymore is why I’m reading so much these days, and also why I started to try and learn how to write.

While traditional hauntings can plague a property for centuries, poltergeists are of much shorter duration, seldom lasting more than six months and, also different from conventional supernatural infestations, they are usually associated with a medium.

In this book Colin Wilson sets out to explain what poltergeists actually are. As he usually does he starts off by naming and describing various related phenomenon, in this case multiple personality disorder, reincarnation, psychokinesis and traditional hauntings. He establishes that poltergeist phenomena differs fundamentally from traditional hauntings, which will often consist of an intensely emotional event from a person’s life being played over and over again as if in a tape loop, or even something as simple as a sense of some malicious unseen presence occupying a particular property. Poltergeists are considered to be some kind of mischievous spirit, some sort of supernatural entities which seem to enjoy creating chaos wherever they exist.

On the progression of poltergeist phenomena he quotes Guy Playfair, noted British writer on parapsychology, who says:

“You always get them in the same order. You don’t get puddles of water before stone throwing, and you don’t get fires before raps. So that there is a predictable behavior pattern. They appear to be random to us, but they’re obeying some sort of rules that they understand, even if we don’t”

What can we say about these rules?

“We can say there is a source of energy. There has to be, because physical work is being carried out, and since it’s being carried out in our space and our dimension, then it has to obey at least some of the laws of mechanics”.

One interesting point that is brought up is that most places these incidents occur are either ancient religious sites or places which were later built over such sites. In Europe Christian churches frequently occupy sites that were originally places of pagan worship. Many ancient places of worship, it has been proved, are built on “leylines”, or lines of “earth force” which are powerful sources of magnetism. Nodal points along such lines seem to concentrate this magnetism in high degrees, so it is theorized that this is why this supernatural activity is frequently focused at such places. Poltergeists are frequently found in old churches and monasteries. “Stone monuments” such as Stonehenge are built on such  nodal points. Although they are commonly referred to as “monuments” today, since their original purpose has been long forgotten, they seem at one time to have been holy sites which were also evidently also used for astronomical observations and possibly predicting solar and lunar eclipses.

It seems to require a bit more energy to activate poltergeist activity than even these sites commonly provide, however, which is why a medium usually needs to be involved. This will usually be a sexually frustrated woman or a girl entering puberty, or, less frequently, a boy undergoing adolescence.

According to this book such individuals frequently exude an ‘energy plasma’ from the pineal gland. One of this organ’s primary functions is the inhibiting of sexual hormones. If the pineal gland is damaged the patient will exhibit abnormal sexual development. This gland also seems to be involved with higher functions as well. It secretes serotonin. If the production of serotonin is halted or interrupted an individual becomes incapable of rational thought.

The theory goes that at around puberty it ceases to be merely a controlling apparatus and begins to actively supply the individual with sexual energy. When the child goes through this she needs to cultivate a creative outlet for all this sexual energy, so unless the teen gets heavily involved with athletic or sexual activity this energy would be available for these supernatural entities to make use of.

It is theorized that this excess energy, once it’s leaked, can then be utilized by an ‘elemental’. One theory opines that elementals are ‘thought forms’ which have somehow taken on lives of their own. Supposedly this is how such mythological creatures as elves, gnomes and other nature spirits come into existence.

Another theory the author puts forward is inspired by the occult philosophy of the kahunas, which are members of Hawaii’s shaman class. According to them there are three parts to the human soul. The lowest part is the most active and after death if this part remains earthbound it can exhibit a sort of mischievous personality.

Playfair says when these entities come upon the surplus energy they behave like unruly children who find an abandoned football lying in a field, they then kick it around upsetting things and possibly breaking a few windows until the energy is finally spent.

One curious fact about poltergeists is that they very rarely actually injure people and there is only one case on record where it’s possible one may have been responsible for someone’s death. The incident is known as “the Bell Witch Haunting” and occurred in Tennessee during the early 19th century. It happened on the farm of John Bell, where he lived with his wife and nine children. One of his daughters, Betsy, who was twelve at the time, seems to have been the medium in this instance. It began unremarkably enough at first, expressing itself by imitating the sounds of various, common animals like the flapping of a bird’s wings or the scratching of rats inside the walls. Eventually it worked its way up to more belligerent activities, like making an awful noise that sounded like two chained dogs having a fight, and making gasping and gulping noises that sounded like someone being strangled to death. Then it graduated to more physical activities, like throwing stones, snatching the covers off people’s beds when they were trying to sleep and upsetting the furniture. These things only happened when Betsy was around. This being eventually became powerful enough to utilize human speech and occasionally delighted in abusing Betsy, slapping her and pulling her by the hair on occasion, however, most of the time it seemed to express a fond affection for the whole family but it seemed to  hold a particular animosity towards John Bell.

Once, when John’s wife, Lucy, fell ill, it lamented, “Luce, poor Luce”, and dropped hazel nuts for her. Once, at Betsy’s birthday party, it said to her, “I have a surprise for you” and created a basket of fruit with oranges and bananas which it claimed came from the West Indies.

The poltergeist started off talking in a whisper which later developed into a regular speaking voice. When it began talking it would repeat excepts from various sermons given by local preachers but eventually moved on to swearing and using strong language, which seems a pretty common manner of speech for talking ghosts. It spoke with several voices. One of the earliest monologues given in it’s “normal” voice went, “I am a spirit who was once happy, but have been disturbed now I am now unhappy”. It also stated that it would torment John Bell and kill him in the end. It also claimed it was a dead Indian who’s ‘bones had been scattered’, and an old witch named Old Kate Batts. It’s other voices claimed to be those of the family, or ‘familiars’ of the witch. Their names were Blackdog, Mathematics, Cypocryphy, and Jerusalem. Each voice had its own distinct characteristics and they all sometimes indulged in debauches judging by their slurred speech and the stench of whiskey that filled the house on such occasions. This spirit also had a musical bent and frequently sang.

It also seemed to have a bizarre sense of humor. Once, when Betsy vomited after drinking some medicine, pins and needles came out of her, then the spirit shrieked that if she vomited again she’d have enough pins and needles to set up a shop.

The family also had a black female slave which the spirit didn’t seem particularly fond of and delighted in playing sadistic tricks on, like covering her head in a white foam that seemed like spittle.

As I said before, the ghost harbored a strong dislike for the head of the household and seems to have delighted in yanking his shoes off, then yanking them off again each time he put them on, and smacking him in the head and face with terrific force, over and over. This infernal creature tormented him relentlessly for three long years until one day he was so fatigued he took to his bed in a stupor and could not be revived. His son found a mysterious and partially empty bottle of dark liquid in their medicine cupboard. The witch reportedly said, “It’s useless for you to try to relieve old Jack- I’ve got him this time!” When asked about the medicine it said, “I put it there, and gave old Jack a dose last night while he was asleep, which fixed him.”

They tested the medicine on the family cat and it jumped, whirled around and then promptly died. John Bell himself died the very next day. Afterwards the spirit began to sing, “Row me up some brandy, O”.

If this entity was, in fact, responsible for the death of this farmer it’s the only recorded case of a ghost actually murdering a human being.


“Who Built the Moon?” by C. Knight and A. Butler:

After I read a description of this book, “Who Built the Moon“,  I quickly developed an itch to read it. I bought it on Ebay or Abebooks about a year ago but because of all the renovations that have gone on around here it spent nearly a year in storage. Recently I got severely depressed and since I was kind of sick of reading the same thing over and over again all the time I determined I’d attack it so maybe I could enjoy the dubious sense of accomplishment I’d get from forcing myself to do something at variance with my established habits and routine. I can’t say I was disappointed.

Since it deals with a lot of pretty esoteric type stuff I expected it to be much more opaque than it actually turned out to be. It wasn’t at all. It was actually written in an easily understood, light conversational tone.  I admit I can’t understand some of it, like how they use pendulums to create consistent units of length, time and volume, but that’s probably just the result of some holes in my education. I get the general idea.

I read an article online that tried to refute it. One thing I noticed the writer of that article did was use the word “coincidence” an awful lot. From my experience if you notice an abnormally large number of coincidences you can rest assured they’re not actually coincidences at all.

Some of these “coincidences” are: The Moon precisely imitates the annual movements of the sun each month. The Moon is 400 times smaller than the Sun, and 1/400th of the distance between Earth and the Sun. The Moon is much lighter than it should be, and hangs much lower in the sky than it should also. What is particularly peculiar is that, from Earth, it is exactly the same size as the Sun, so that during a solar eclipse it perfectly blots out the Sun. These are only some of the strange Moon facts presented in this book.

One thing that I found annoying about the book is that they dedicated several pages to disparaging “creationists”. They’re certainly entitled to his opinions but they not only went on at great length trying to convey how stupid they considered these people to be, but they come off as bubbling over with unnecessary disdain and vitriol concerning their beliefs. I realize that since the evidence they present in the book seems to suggest intelligent design they likely feel a need to make it plain that they are not advocating for the existence of a traditional Judeo-Christian God, but I felt they went a bit overboard trying to distance themselves from the fundamentalist Christians, for all the good that did them. This is still a favorite book of theirs that they use to argue for the existence of their divine creator despite all that.

It’s funny because they reason against the existence of God by using the old argument which says, “If God made the world then who made God?”. I find it funny because they explain the origin of life by claiming it was started by some kind of super-intelligent beings, which begs the question, “Who created the super-intelligent beings?” LOL! I’m sorry, I realize I’m being kind of petty, but I found that amusing. Anyway, just so you know, they claim the super-intelligent beings created themselves. More on that later.

Please don’t let my childish little digressions prejudice you against this book because it’s a very good book. Now I want to read the book they wrote before this one called, “Civilization One” which makes the case that there was a very advanced, worldwide civilization on Earth before the dawn of recorded history.

Personally, the older I get the more religious I find I am becoming. It has much less to do with a fear of death as it does with my accumulated life experience. Also my life in show business has shown me how strongly perception affects reality, and, like I already mentioned in defense of this book, there are far too many ‘coincidences’ for ‘coincidences’ to exist. Seeming coincidences are, I believe, evidence that there are much greater forces at play, forces we can hardly understand in our present state of existence.

In my opinion they really go off the deep-end when they propose that the reason some alien intelligence is seeding intelligent life throughout the universe is because they intend to eventually render the cosmos self aware. I guess they think they want each civilization to act as a single brain cell, so if enough civilizations are created the heavens will behave like one gigantic brain, but the insane distances of millions of light years between these worlds, not to even mention the fact the immensity of time alone would prevent too many of these super-civilizations from coexisting very close to each other or during the same time.

Since the moon seems, based on it’s queer measurements, to be an artificial construct, and it’s existence was essential to the creation of life on the Earth, the authors of the book come to the exceedingly quirky conclusion that at some future date people went back in time to create the moon in order to insure that life will come to be on the Earth. They have come to the conclusion that since some of the mathematical anomalies are divisible by ten, and human mathematics were formed around fives and tens because it correlates with how many fingers we have, that this means the moon must be man made. I see their line of reasoning, but suggesting something as wild as that certainly violates the principal of Occam’s razor. Why people should feel the need to go back in time and make sure they will be created when that already exist is a very important part of this theory that needs to be explained, but, unfortunately is not. I can only suppose they feel that the very existence of the moon is so odd and unlikely that it requires an equally odd and unlikely explanation.

More Yack:

I was coming back from storage with another cart full of junk. Of course after digging through all that junk and pushing it a mile back to my place in a cart I wasn’t in a great mood, but about a block from my house some old blind woman with a long stick wanted directions to a trail so she could follow it to the H—- Bart station. I told her that was very far away and I’m not sure the trail went out there and she insisted it did. She had a very gruff, almost bossy sounding masculine voice so, to be honest, I found her a little off putting. I told her to follow me since I was going part of the way. When we got to my place I gave her more specific directions but she wanted me to go with her. Is that a reasonable request asking me to walk all the way to that station? I don’t think it’s all that close at all. I guess since she’s blind (I don’t know how blind) she couldn’t see my cart full of junk, but I’m sure she must have heard it bouncing all over the side walk. As I was leaving her she was going on about a bunch of stuff I couldn’t hear over the cart.
After I got back in the house I decided maybe I should go help her so I pushed the cart into the room and I grabbed a water bottle and went out looking for her. I just spent 45 minutes looking all over the place and there’s no way she could move that damned fast. WTF???
I don’t know, maybe she just went back home. She probably lives pretty close to where I found her.
I hate to admit it, but she really rubbed me the wrong way and I was already in a horrible mood, so initially I admit I was glad to get rid of her, but naturally once I had a moment to reflect I felt bad because I could have been more helpful. I don’t know what it is about pushy people that assume you are obligated to help them simply because they feel need help that annoys me. I always feel bad asking for help, especially from strangers. For instance I never panhandled once that whole time I had to live on the street due to Brownfeild’s treachery, and if I did I’d be sure to be pretty apologetic about it. There’s just something about people thinking you have to help them and asking for it with that kind of attitude that I find unpleasant, especially when it’s someone I’ve never even met before. I don’t know,  I’m sure that kind of attitude doesn’t go over well with a lot of people so it shouldn’t necessarily reflect so badly on me that I don’t like to deal with people like that if I don’t have to. Of course one has to make allowances if the person has a handicap of some sort, but even then just glomming on to a random stranger and asking them to change all their morning plans out of nowhere just to accommodate you seems a bit much.
I don’t know why I’m going on about this whole thing, I tried to find her to help her and she was gone, so there’s and end to it. But that’s just it, where the hell did she go so fast? Even if she lived exactly where I found her I’m amazed she could get back there faster than I could get myself ready then run back outside.
I just had a strange idea just now… what if this whole business was just another one of their set ups for that stupid show? After all, this is just the kind of thing they do. Pick a time when all I want to do is get home then spring this old disabled woman on me who claims she needs my help getting somewhere hoping I’ll just tell her to buzz off. This way I’ll look like a big jerk so no one cares that these media a-holes are still exploiting me while not paying me a cent. I probably couldn’t find her because a car picked her up the second I walked into my house.
Yes, the more I think about it the more convinced I am that it was a set up. Who ambushes a total stranger with a cart full of junk at 6:30 am and asks them to walk you at least two miles out of their way? Of course I won’t be able to help and it would be easy to spin this event in such a way as to make me seem like a selfish prick.
Flattened and Crushed:

I’m telling you, the world is going down the tubes. Whose fault is it? You think it’s the fault of the evil people who are running things, and running them into the ground? Well, I don’t think it’s their fault. Not really. Evil people like that are only doing what evil people always try to do. Evil people are always trying to mess up he world and make money off of other people’s suffering, how successful they are at it depends on how hard people resist them. The sad truth is I don’t see too many people fighting back. If there even are many good people left in the world anymore I feel it’s safe to say they’ve long ago lost their fighting spirit. For instance everybody knows we are constantly spied on these days. It’s common knowledge. Nobody has any privacy anymore. People even post and send naked pictures of themselves and reveal all the intimate details of their personal lives on the Internet. People don’t even care about the very concept of privacy anymore. I feel very bad if I’ve inadvertently contributed to this. That show about me has helped foster this environment. People are so used to watching everything I do on CCTV all the time and reading all my emails and looking at all my online activity that they have just grown used to the idea. I think the public just doesn’t know how evil these people really are. If they did they would definitely not be fine with the fact they know everything about them.

The public has been taught to loath me through this highly unethical television series. These media people have been coaxing the reactions they wanted out of me over the years and have repeatedly been playing them back to them after editing them and adding creepy background music and annoying sound effects (basic brainwashing techniques) just to set everyone against me. I am absolutely shocked that this has been allowed to go on. It’s unethical, immoral, and, I don’t claim to be a legal expert but I’m pretty sure it’s as illegal as hell too. Simply put this is unjust persecution and it’s all done right out in the open. Even professionals don’t like dealing with me and I’m pretty sure it’s because someone is pressuring them not to. What’s been happening to me all my life is the very reason we have all agreed that unjust slander over the airwaves should be illegal. Between the TV show and the website, and G-d knows what all else, my life is very far from ideal.

Why do they do it? That’s a good question. I think they want to cash in big time on all the hype they’ve built up around me for decades now. This is why they ruined my life and worked so hard to involve me with dangerous narcotics. They have my entire life on video, and all my art and writings. If they could just buy the rights to all that off of my nearest surviving relative at a good price they could make a bloody fortune off of all that if they market it right. The only thing that stands in their way is me, while I’m alive at least. Maybe they already do own all the rights to my life since apparently I’m just a nonentity with no rights of which to speak. If you think anything more than five or ten percent of the money they’ll generate will actually go to charity you are pretty naive. These are rich people and rich people don’t get rich by giving money away.

Has anybody been getting on their case for exploiting me like this and literally treating me like their slave my entire life? As far as I know no has even criticized them. This right here is why I have a hard time sympathizing with the average person these days. Apparently everyone accepts that these media people own me and can do whatever they want with me (provided they donate some of the proceeds to one of their favorite charities, of course). Nobody gives a thought to my predicament. The few people I have in my life all work for these people. They watch every little fucking thing I do all the time. They even say whatever they want about me on that show and I can’t fight back because it’s all kept secret from me. When I was able to hear some of their show a few years back I heard for myself that they let anyone who wanted go on there and say anything they wanted about me. Of course a lot of it simply wasn’t true, and they spun the rest anyway they wanted. This is all simply outrageous. Does anyone come out to tell them that they have grossly overstepped their rights by using the media to destroy someone’s life like this? Obviously the only reason they are doing this is because they can. I have no money or friends so they are walking all over me. It’s been much worse since my grandparents died, but they had them pretty bamboozled while they were alive so things were even pretty tough back then.

No, nobody speaks out against any of this, but I have been criticized for how I reacted to it.
This to me is particularly disturbing. It’s like someone shooting you in the leg and instead of detaining the criminal who did it you get a ticket for disturbing the peace because you yelled.

I don’t know how much longer this whole thing will be allowed to go on. It’s already gone on far longer than it should have. The very fact it’s happening at all causes me to question reality itself sometimes. None of this should be happening. Sometimes I seriously wonder if I’m in a coma having a very bad dream, in some kind of hell or maybe I’ve been living in some kind of virtual reality simulation. I have to be careful not to dwell too long or hard on thoughts like that though since, after dying, what they would love to see most would be my losing my mind completely.

When I was younger I always felt that just being left the fuck alone if you are just minding your own damned business was a pretty basic right. Apparently I was wrong. Terribly, terribly wrong.

Operation Human Shield:

I know Brownfield and her media cohorts are masters of psychology. They are experts at manipulating people into thinking and doing just what they want them to. They use these skills not only on the public but on me as well. I’ve been their puppet on a string my entire life. I can see why it would work to their advantage if they managed to work me up into a paranoid frenzy. Frightened people are very easy to control. I find myself frequently battling depression and paranoia. I know they have been intentionally making me depressed all my life through constantly messing me up in everything I’ve ever tried to do, and although I know that, especially lately, they have been working very hard to make me paranoid too, the fact remains that I do have much to be really scared about.

The plan behind this show since the beginning has been to market me as the quintessential “crazy artist”. “Outsider artists”, as they are called, are big business these days. They have been manipulating me, through people they’ve gotten me involved with down through the years, to always be as controversial as possible, and they have been creating a lot of hype around me since I could remember. They have made my journey through this world as difficult and painful as they could since I was very young. I assume they gained the public’s permission to do this to me by promising to compensate me generously when this sadistic series has finally run its course, only, if so, that was a lie. They never intended to pay me a cent, in fact they have worked very hard trying to get me to kill myself for years now because once I’m dead they they can really step up operations and milk me for all I’m worth. I’m convinced that this has been their plan since the beginning.

It was when I was in elementary school that they started making a big deal out of my “weird” drawings and began implying that they indicted that I was mentally unsound, but seriously, children always draw strange pictures so there’s really nothing unusual about that. These people have been going out of their way to make problems for me since the beginning. I’m now convinced that these show people even had a hand in my mother’s death too. Maybe I’ll go into that a little more sometime, but these people have been fucking with me since I was  kid. Their plan has always been to get me to off myself so that they could clean up on all the bizarre publicity they’ve been weaving around me. Since this has always been their plan naturally I don’t feel very safe since the end of this show must by now be looming large on the near horizon and it’s becoming increasingly obvious that I don’t intend to do them the favor of killing myself. Apparently my big reward for having survived a lifetime of their relentless media persecution and abuse is to be murdered before I can get my hands on a paycheck they never meant to give me in the first place.

Personally I don’t see how anyone can think a person who is deceitful and evil enough to come up with a scheme like his could ever be trusted to give money that’s been entrusted to them to the poor, at least without keeping most of it for themselves (which is exactly whats going on here by the way).

Their basic show concept has always been very sleazy. Basically it’s all been nothing more than a very long candid camera stunt, only it’s really a lot more depraved than that since they have been hiding cameras in my bedroom since I was a child and all my friends have been employees of theirs. They’ve even been paying women to have sex with me for this thing. These people are fucking sick.

As you can imagine, due to the weird nature of that trashy fucking show those people have been making about me, people have never been generally inclined to be too friendly towards me. Every once in a while, out of nowhere, there comes along someone who’s just chill as fuck and extra friendly to me. Naturally I wonder why more people can’t be like this, so, of course, I start hanging out with them or dating them or whatever. I’ll usually be so starved for companionship by the time this happens that I willingly overlook how suspicious it is that this person just came out of nowhere and landed right in my lap. Of course, through my naivete I would actually be falling into a trap deliberately set for me.

You don’t need a PhD in psychology to know that if you only have one or two friends in all the world that they will have an inordinate effect your thoughts and behavior. They can basically get you to do almost anything they want, especially if you feel at odds with the rest of the world. Now keep in mind who these phony friends work for and maybe you will start to see the real reason why my life has been so crazy, contentious and controversial. My entire life has been a staged production from start to finish. No wonder I’ve always had to fight against feeling lost and depressed. My whole life has been nothing but a lie because of these greedy, selfish people.

Aside from the puppet show aspect and the voyeuristic elements in it much of this series relies on cheap gossip which amounts to nothing more than the basest slander. They have taken the precaution of protecting themselves from any legal interference I may muster by hiding behind human shields like the cowards they are. They make the claim that if anyone does anything that interferes with this slander-fest  they have created that it could have unfortunate financial repercussions affecting the people they claim to be helping through the money they generate by it. This is how they avoid my refuting any of the bullshit they say or present about me on that scummy show of theirs, making it a slanderers paradise where people can say any damned thing they want about me without getting distracted by the facts. I’ve been challenging these people for years to run their bullshit by me but obviously they’re not interested in giving up their unfair advantage. After all I’ve a legal right to defend myself against their accusations but clearly they’re not at all interested in any kind of justice, rather they want to create impressions that fit into the overall narrative they are creating around their character.

You may ask why, if they wanted to create a fictional character, didn’t they just do that in the first place? Why do they instead project their character onto me? Obviously it’s because this way they have that life time of actual spy footage they’ve shot and all that art and stuff I’ve made that can be used to generate further revenue after the big drama of my real life death. Modern media is all about creating emotions in people that can then be exploited to generate revenue.

Evidently they feel their desire to exploit people like livestock to make all the money they can off of them is much more important than someone’s right to just be left alone, and if a person gets cross from being constantly harassed by these people and says some angry things that’s a much bigger crime than the fact they were planning on killing someone so they could make a lot of money off of the story of his broken life.

I’m sure these people also work up fear in certain individuals about all the horrible things I may do once I finally have real money. This is the most ridiculous thing of all. All I’ve ever wanted was to be left in peace. The world is a pretty miserable place as it is and it’s all thanks to the people who already have all the money. People like the puppet-masters responsible for this show.

“The Misfits: a study of sexual outsiders” by Colin Wilson:

Although the title implies that the book will take you on a seedy tour of the S&M scene, the homosexual underground and the secret lives of perverts you perhaps never even suspected exist, I admit I was a little disappointed to learn it was basically a history of erotic literature occasionally spiced up here and there with descriptions of these writers’ unorthodox sexual fixations and obsessions. Also it espouses the same theories that he put forward in his “Criminal History of Mankind, sans all the Julian Jaynes split-brain conjecture.

Most of what he says can be summed up by saying that “some people do weird things to heighten their sense of reality”. Also, as he does in “The Criminal History of Mankind”, he claims that people started to do increasingly strange sexual things once the habit of reading novels became established. In his book on crime he stated that the popular habit of reading fiction was what was inspiring people to commit stranger and stranger, as well as progressively more brutal, crimes (and not just sex crimes). These books make the case that once escaping through one’s imagination became common, people’s fantasy lives naturally grew more complex, and there comes a point when imagination alone becomes unsatisfying, so some people will attempt to bring their fantasies to life.

He starts by sharing his history with an extremely unorthodox individual he developed a sort of professional acquaintanceship with named Charlotte Bach, who was a very masculine looking woman from Hungary who had developed an odd theory that she was obsessed with which claimed that all men have a varying degree of the feminine in their make up and all women have a certain amount of masculine qualities as well, and that this is the driving force behind human evolution. It’s actually far more complicated than that, but trust me, its all nonsense anyway. Of course her mad ideas were passionately taken up by England’s LGBT community during the 1970s.

I don’t suppose it should surprise anyone that after “her” death it was discovered that “she” was actually a man who was only dressing up in women’s clothes. His real name was Karoly Hajdu. Colin found ‘her’ theory interesting and even publicized it occasionally in his work, but even he saw that ‘she’ was wrong. It did, however, get him thinking more deeply on the subject of atypical sexual habits.

After “her” death her lawyer sent Mr. Wilson a lot of xeroxes of her unpublished works that she wished him to see. There was lots of autobiographical stuff included, which gave him an intimate look into ‘her’ personal history.

Charlotte was originally a bit of a lady’s man. I’m sure you’re all familiar with the popular theory that excessive womanizing indicates that a man may be running from the realization that he is actually homosexual. He began his transvestite practises when a woman friend canceled a date with him. He had bought her a pair of silk stockings as a gift earlier that day. He thought they felt nice, so nice that he suddenly found himself possessed by a perverse notion to try them on. Well, needless to say that was the inauspicious start of the long and twisted road that lead to his eventually becoming a full time transvestite. Although Colin made it a point to mention that just because a man likes dressing up in women’s clothes it doesn’t mean he’s homosexual (Remember Ed Wood?) he does later admit that one evening after he and a colleague took Charlotte out to coffee he and his associate kissed “her” good night and “she” slipped them both a taste of tongue.

A very rare and very “normal” picture of Wilson with his children.

Colin then goes on the talk about the Marquis de Sade who as an adult had an adolescent mania for sex. Not content to merely possess someone through the sex act, he wanted nothing less than to suck them down to the dregs then crumple them up and toss their empty husk on to his rubbish heap. His extraordinary excesses eventually earned him a very long stay in the Bastille. Denied the ability to orchestrate the wild orgies he had come to live for he had to resort to creating them in writing. Not only was his writing deplorable (it is only the outdated use of language that lends it any charm at all), his tales come off as merely the frenzied fantasies of a sex starved teenager. He was freed a little early by an amazing stroke of luck called “The French Revolution”. It was his publication of these prison manuscripts that launched his literary career, such as it was.

De Sade was insatiable because he could never achieve complete satisfaction. Most well balanced adults know that sex is nice, but it’s not the only thing in life, certainly not the most important. The high peaks one ascends through bizarre sexual activity tend to bring with them disastrous side effects that only brings one down, lower and lower each time. De Sade was an extreme case, but his obsessions with perversions caused him to suffer an extreme loss of social status. If he wasn’t a nobleman he’d very likely been executed early on.

He was constantly trying to outdo himself, but he was, of course,  subject to the law of ever diminishing returns, much like a cocaine addict.

On page 92 in the 5th chapter entitled, “Rebel Angle”  he talks about Byron, who became an early 19th century rock star after the publication of the first two cantos of his epic poem, “Childe Harold”, where he talks about a world weary individual who went out of control, immersing himself in the pleasures of the flesh trying to nurse his broken heart. This work heralded what has come to be known as the Romantic movement.

“Childe Herold” had skyrocketed him to astronomical fame and he quickly found himself besieged by women clamoring to make his acquaintance. His lame leg and the coy look he gave women seems to have given him an irresistible allure, probably by activating their maternal instincts. He, being a very young man at the time, greedily helped himself to everything that had been made suddenly available to him, even though he evidently always displayed homosexual tendencies. Later on when he had settled on a favorite and made her his mistress he had her dress in men’s clothes whenever they went out. Eventually he not only indulged his homosexuality but even committed incest with one of his half sisters, leaving her with child. He was eventually exiled from England disgraced, however he eventually reanimated the love of his countrymen through his literary efforts and was deeply mourned when he died at 36 years of age.
This post is already longer than I originally intended, but then Colin painstakingly lists all the perversions of all the prominent Romantic poets, and shocking some of them were, even to my jaded 21st century ears. This was only because we don’t normally think of people in the old days as being very ‘kinky’. I guess for modern times they would be considered very tame, aside from the incest. Stuff like flogging and watching women urinate probably wouldn’t create such a heated scandal these days, unless you were the President of the United States something.

All in all I didn’t enjoy the book anywhere near as much as I thought I would, but don’t take this as a bad review, it’s probably because I read two of his books just previous so I was a little burned out on him. Reading authors is a lot like conversing with someone you know, even if they are highly intelligent, if you talk to them long enough they tend to get kind of repetitive.

In conclusion the impression I came away with is that exceptional people usually have a lot of very unusual quirks to their personalities. This is because powerful and successful people have huge egos and they don’t deny themselves anything. They are like spoiled children who insist on indulging all their desires and whims, no matter how trivial or bizarre they may be. It has been like this probably since the beginning.
What concerns me is that recently they have been trying to make these unusual proclivities popular among the rest of us. I know that in that weird show they use me in they were always trying to get me involved in weird sex and hard drugs, partly because I was in the public eye and they know people have a tendency to imitate what they see (typically, since I have come out against such activities they have been using some of my old escapades to shame and humiliate me. Fortunately one learns from one’s celebrity not to worry overmuch about what people think about you if only because envy brings out the worst in people).

Plainly the media actively encourages us to engage in all these hitherto taboo sex acts and other behaviors. As soon as one becomes passé we are encouraged to delve even deeper into the abnormal. Remember back when being gay was a big deal? Well, now you’re nothing unless you are a transsexual. Now that everybody is reasonably comfortable with that we can see that prepubescent drag queens have been much in the news lately.  Based on that I feel the next big thing they will be pushing will be pedophilia.

The thing with sex is it never delivers quite what it promises. Like chasing a mirage it invariably leads to disappointment. In fact, indulging in all these weird fetishes often leads to dire consequences. Nothing has changed since the days of de Sade. I thought we would have learned that lesson by now.


“Comic Books Exposed SEDUCTION of the Innocent Revisited” by John Fulce:

(My last couple of posts were constructed from notes and writings around a month old. I have been reconsidering much since then, but since I hate to see all that work go to waste I decided to post them and get them out of the way before working on new material)

I confess I stupidly bought this book by accident. I didn’t read the description very clearly and assumed it was the original “Seduction of the Innocent”, by Fredric Wertham, published in 1954, that sparked the public outrage against comic books that resulted in them cleaning up their act. Well, it turns out that book is presently a very rare collectors item and very expensive. They did reissue a new edition of it a few years ago, but at $40 it’s more than I can comfortably afford these days.  Obviously the comic book industry has since slipped back into its old habits, and with a vengeance. This book about the new and improved degeneracy in comics was published in 1990 by a Christian comic book collector who has his own comic book shop. In the eighties he found himself growing concerned over how smutty even main stream comics were becoming, and since the publishers were ignoring his letters regarding this alarming trend he decided to write and publish a book about it to expose his accusations to public scrutiny.  I admit I’m glad I did get it since it emphasizes a lot of my own concerns regarding the modern media.

Now I can already hear the collective cry of man children all over the country denouncing me for encouraging censorship. This is unfair. As an artist I have created more than my share of risqué and titillating pictures, but for an adult audience. Here lies the crux of the matter. It is predominantly children who read comic books, many of them very young children and I don’t care what any body says, children are profoundly affected by what they see in the media. I know I was. Even if I didn’t act on much of it I found myself dwelling excessively on any powerful or unusual image I saw, or any weird stories I read or heard. They had a very strong influence on my fantasy life. I guess I’m a more cerebral person than average, but a lot of people are much more action oriented, so it’s not hard to see how a child that watches a lot of violent behavior on TV or reads it in comics will likely become more violent himself. In today’s more casual households where there is no positive male role model in the picture more often than not that’s exactly whats going to end up happening. No one can deny that children are much more violent today. They also use much coarser language and are engaging in sexual activity much earlier. Any one who denies that the media has no hand in all this is a fool. Sure, society itself does affect art, but it’s undeniable that art also affects society, and this mutual snowballing is not only resulting in more crass and brutal art, it’s already making the world we live in progressively more crass and brutal.

The author points out that, according to statistics, in 1980-1985 morals in the US were actually improving in all areas, so the media responded to that by doubling down on the degeneracy and immorality. Comic books became noticeably more depraved during this time period.

1986 study by Linda S. Lichter, S. Robert Lichter and Stanley Rothman took a survey of people they considered to be ‘the media elite’, people who make all the major decisions in television and programing, and, what a remarkable coincidence, all their own opinions and attitudes line up almost perfectly with what many people today have come to term “the liberal agenda”. So, of course they don’t have a very high opinion of religion, particularly Christianity. They also think adultery, homosexuality and drug use are perfectly okay, so naturally they don’t have any traditional ‘family values’ of which to speak. I can’t help but wonder if any of them are even married. I mean, why would they bother? Most of these media moguls were also atheists. I don’t mean to say all atheists are immoral because I know that isn’t true, but, although the media is always portraying Christian people, and especially Christian leaders, as base hypocrites, the fact is that nonreligious people are much more likely to be morally lax, if only because most of the people they associate with are.

Two out of three of these people openly state that entertainment should be a guiding force in social reform, so clearly they feel it is their mission to mold society according to their own ideas of right and wrong. Since they are sworn enemies of Christianity the code of conduct they are promoting will be the antithesis of the moral code that predominated back in the 1950s when television was just starting to pick up momentum. This explains why, when all the ‘work’ they did on the public psyche since the mid sixties started to unravel in the early 80s they felt obligated to start pushing even harder in the direction they wanted everyone to go.

Also keep in mind that all the different mediums are always competing with each other, trying to outdo one another’s efforts. If a particularly gruesome movie comes out and shows itself to be very popular with young people, the comics industry will try to create something even more disturbing, thereby enriching the new genre. Then, of course, the next movie will try and out-gross the comic, on and on. Look at how big the whole zombie craze has become since “Night of the Living Dead” came out in 1968. Also I’m sure everyone notices how much gorier they have become over the years.

Some scenes from “Swamp-Thing” from 1988 when Alan Moore was writing for it. Remember, the Swamp-Thing as basically a thousand pound animated pile of mud, slime and decomposing plant and animal matter. Here we see “him” and his girlfriend enjoying a, umm, “romantic” interlude in the swamp.

Even as far back as 1990 the days where the community could take legal and civil action against vendors who sold such material were long over. Back when the comics code authority started in 1955 the public’s concerns were taken very seriously. Now days most parents just feel overwhelmed by everything that’s going on. They feel impotent to take any kind of action against it. They feel they no longer even have a voice so they pretty much just turn a blind eye to what their children are reading and watching. The publishers, film makers and programmers know they now have a free hand and they take full advantage of it and are slowly but firmly pushing the morals of tomorrow’s generations down into the gutter.

On page 76 there begins the chapter called, “Anti-Christian Bias”, which actually seems to be the most important chapter since it seems to be the source of all the other messages they put in comic books. It doesn’t matter whether or not you are yourself a Christian, clearly all the morals that allowed our civilization to flourish originated in Christian teachings. Since the media is so maniacally anti-Christian (and pro-Satan) it pretty much explains why they push pre-marital sex, kinky sex, gay sex, gratuitous violence, profanity, vulgarity, black magick, drinking, drugs, dishonesty, and just general immorality. You may be cynical of Christianity, and I can understand that, the history of the church has been a bloody one, but all major religions have violence in their history (even Buddhism), same as all nations and many organizations, but the moral code Christianity promotes works. Only an idiot doesn’t want to live in an honest, harmonious and peaceful society. The media makes much of cases where disturbed people have beat up homosexuals in the name of ‘decency’, but we call people who assault fellow citizens outside the law “criminals” for a reason. Events like these doesn’t mean we should promote or “celebrate” such a dangerous life style, and I’m not even talking about AIDS. Active homosexuals rarely live until 50. Also they are very emotionally troubled, and this has nothing to do with society’s attitudes towards them. Even in San Francisco where anyone who even criticizes homosexuality would be ostracized and likely ran out of town, depression, suicide and drug abuse among them is very common. I don’t ‘hate’ homosexuals. I honestly don’t care about their personal lives. I’ve known a lot of them, and if you talk to any of them long enough it will come out that at their core they are not frightfully happy or pleased with themselves. Maybe its just the ones I’ve known. Anyway it doesn’t matter, I was just using homosexuality as an example but I could just as easily have used drug addicts, habitual drunkards, greedy people, or violent people just to name a few. Any kind of excess is ultimately unhealthy. I probably used homosexuality because that and transsexualism are so much in the news lately. I guess that’s another example of the media pushing anti-Christian values. LOL

Of course most of this is promoted through the behavior of role models, at least they used to be considered role models from the 1930s-1970s. Now these “heroes” only seem to set bad examples. I remember it was in the 70s some time that they started creating ‘antiheroes’. They were weird, but relatively harmless. One that I used to like was “Deathlok”. He was basically a rotten corpse preserved by having formaldehyde rather than blood circulating through him. He was also part machine. Obviously they were hopping on the “Six Million Dollar Man” bandwagon. It was a very popular TV show at the time. Deathlok also has a computer in his brain that helps him plan missions and moves. That was actually considered pretty weird and disturbing back in 1975. I seem to recall he occasionally hunted people for personal reasons, if so, the moral ambiguity was starting to creep in even back then, but at least he didn’t have sexual orgies with creepy nymphomaniac necrophiliacs like these kinds of characters will be doing ten years later, but clearly you can see how they had to ease this kind of thing in.

Long before I began to learn about society, what’s happening to it and why, I was very sensitive to, I don’t know what to call it, the ‘psychic energy’ exuded by certain places, things, and even people. For instance, back in the late 70s and early 80s, I always picked up on a very disturbing, almost nauseating vibe that emanated from adult book stores or any other type of ‘sex shop’. I also noticed a disorienting force radiating out of comic book stores. It was nowhere as intense as it was in places where hardcore pornography was sold, but it struck me as weird enough to make me somewhat uncomfortable. I seem to have lost that ability in the intervening thirty or so years so I can now only speculate about what it was, exactly, that I was picking up on. It very well may have been some kind of spiritual decay. Maybe it was the accumulated residue of angst left behind by lost souls?

“A Criminal History of Mankind” by Colin Wilson:

Just read Colin Wilson’s magnum opus, “A Criminal History of Mankind”, all 670 pages of it. Among my chief complaints about it is the fact he considers ancient warfare and the excesses of early emperors as criminal, and though one would have to agree that much of it is, it makes most of the book read exactly like your average world history textbook. I know that while growing up one of his favorite books was H.G.Wells “Outline of History” (I too found a copy of it around the house that I read back when I was in the 6th grade) and it’s plain it has left a lasting impression on him. You know I love history but I have to admit it was a little tedious following the entire rise of civilization all over the world for the past 10,000 years when you were all set for a concentrated dose of tasteless depravity.
Near the beginning he devoted a lot of time discussing Julian Jaynes‘ theory on the origin of the “spit mind”(The left side of the brain is responsible for performing tasks that have to do with logic. The right hemisphere performs tasks that have to do with creativity and the arts). I know from some of his other books that he is very taken with this theory and he’s constantly referring to it throughout his books. It says that before man’s brain split into the right and left hemisphere he didn’t think the way we think now, rather he actually heard his thoughts as a voice from elsewhere, the way schizophrenics hear voices telling them to do things, only, according to this theory, our ancestors heard this voice as “the voice of God”. Personally, though it’s a creative theory I am unconvinced that it could be true. While illustrating this theory he mentions that all the great apes recognize their own reflections, except gorillas which, according to him, have a brain that’s not bisected down the middle like the other apes, so, if this duality of consciousness exists in chimps and orangutans I think its silly to assume that it didn’t exist in early man. Maybe I misunderstood what he said? I don’t know, but its a huge book and I don’t relish the idea of trying to find that part of it now.
It’s not until page 413 that he gets to what we traditionally recognize as official criminal activity. Around 1735 a book seller named John Osborne published a book called “Lives of the Most Remarkable Criminals” . He as obviously indulging in cheap sensationalism when he wrote the title as it seems most of the crimes are garden variety stuff and the criminals would seem common enough to us today. One of the more interesting cases was that of Catherine Hayes who was dissatisfied with her husband, an old money-lender, so the 35-year-old Catherine took on two teenage boys as lovers, then started scheming with them to kill her husband and get their hands on his fortune, fifteen hundred pounds, a considerable sum way back then. After cracking his head open with a hatchet and cutting up the rest of the body, they put it in a trunk and then threw it in a pond. The head they tossed into a nearby river, but at low tide, so it was quickly found and eventually recognized. One of the boys confessed. Both boys were hung while she was burned alive since a wife murdering her husband was considered petty treason in those days.
One interesting thing I learned a little later in the book was that Daniel Defoe originally printed political tracts. Of course, because of his jagged personality he was always getting into serious trouble by slandering the rich and famous. It was while he was serving time for one of these debacles that he made a deal with the powers that be promising that if they released him he would become a spy for them. Since he was well-known to a lot of shady types they thought it could be a profitable venture so they agreed, released him and gave him money with which to hire a network of informers to work under him. According to Wilson he originated the police state. Also, hundreds of years before the Internet, he was the first paid shill. He mixed with influential people and through his conversations with them, guided their opinions to the conclusions desired by his employers. He used this technique on government ministers in Scotland and he was responsible, through such means, of helping to unify Scotland and Britain, thereby creating Great Britain in 1707. He wasn’t an exceptionally loyal spy though, since he was always looking out for his own interests first and foremost. He was what we call a double agent, working both sides of the street at once. Evidently this was very profitable and it was only after a couple of very close shaves that he decided to retire from the espionage racket and started writing books. One would imagine that the proceeds off of “Robinson Crusoe”, “Moll Flanders” and his other best sellers should have kept him rather comfortable for the rest of his days, but apparently he failed in a couple of business ventures and didn’t like to pay his bills so he was always on the run trying to stay one step ahead of his creditors.

                                                Could Colin Wilson actually be Jewish?

Since the book was published in the mid eighties he makes some mistakes because lots of information just wasn’t as easily accessible back then. There’s an entire page on the Leo Frank case where he claims a black employee at his pencil factory actually murdered little Mary Fagan, but that the town was so outraged and tired of lynching blacks that only the blood of a Jew would satiate them. Ridiculous since, especially back then, Jews who lived in the South did their best to assimilate and become useful members of the community, so actually southerners were considerably less antisemitic at the time than anywhere else in the country. Anyway now that the transcripts from the trial are available online and you can plainly see he was as guilty as hell. He basically confessed at least twice by admitting he was where the murder was committed at the time it was committed, but of course he opted to make himself unavailable for cross-examination. This was an option which was available to him, though most people wouldn’t take advantage of it since it just looks bad. Besides, it wouldn’t be necessary assuming you had nothing to hide.
Now days we know that Jack the Ripper was a Jewish immigrant from Poland. Unfortunately, even in these days of the Internet this information is just buried on Google under links that advertise such claims as, “Were the Jack the Ripper murders just an elaborate antisemitic frame up?”. Anyway I prefer to believe Colin did the best he could with what was available to him at the time, but the more of his work I read the more I think he was a bit of a shill himself. Too bad since he was obviously pretty bright. I think it’s a shame he let his work become so indelibly marred by pushing certain narratives. One needs to be unbiased and open-minded when studying history otherwise its lessons will not be revealed to you. His pushing of the worldview he felt would please his publishers best could get pretty tedious if you know better. For instance he blames the defeat of Russia in the Russo-Japanese war on Russian bureaucrats being so crooked that they pocketed money earmarked for the military so they had to fight with outdated and defective weapons. Though this may or may not be true he doesn’t even allude to the fact that they lost largely because Jewish money lenders denied them credit while keeping an open purse while dealing with the Japanese. Clearly Jewish bankers wanted Russia to lose, but you’d never guess that based on Colin’s text.
Earlier in the book he mentions how the industrial revolution brought more people than ever before into cities where, predictably, robbery and petty theft became a serious problem. This problem was quelled with the creation of the British police force in 1829 by Sir Robert Peel. Unfortunately a strange thing started happening as the habit of reading novels caught on with the general public in the mid-nineteenth century. At this time we start seeing more brutal and senseless sex crimes and murders committed for their own sake. It seems that as people’s fantasy lives become more active some people lose touch with reality altogether at some point. This is a problem that only got worse with the advent of motion pictures, and insanely out of hand with television in the 1950s, and now even worse with the advent of video games. Clearly the increase in school and church shootings can be attributed to the popularity of shooter video games. Given this I almost dread the coming of virtual reality.

Truth be Told…


I had sort of a crisis this morning. I’ve long complained that I never signed a contract with these people but what was freaking me out particularly is that I don’t even have a copy of any contract in my possession. Since I have no documentation I have no idea how I could ever be paid. I certainly can’t rely on their honesty and business ethics.

They certainly owe me, and owe me substantial considering that their thorough slander campaign has been going on since I was in grade school and has completely devastated any life they ever allowed me to build up in the first place. On top of this they have stolen all my work. Everything I have ever written or drawn, and used it to make money for themselves, and they do all this openly out in public. At the same time they have made it impossible for me to get so much as a penny for myself out of my efforts. Because of their unethical use of the airwaves I can’t get any kind of work, let alone anything creative.

Anyway I then speculated about a bunch of reasons why I will likely get paid eventually, like maybe the money is supposed to come to me from an investment my grandfather made for me, or maybe the contracts and paperwork for all this business are in the hands of a disinterested third party or firm, and besides, everybody knows about this damned show so the public will naturally take if for granted that I’m to be paid at some point. In fact I imagine they must have given a date for this payday at some point in the broadcast, but again, my ‘imagination’ is no substitute for a legally binding contract actually in my possession.

I am forced to speculate and imagine a lot about this business since I am routinely lied to by everyone.
For instance I have always imagined that after it’s finally over they will milk more drama out of the situation by confronting me with a condensed presentation of this series on camera, to get my reaction and, I suppose, to try and shame me with a catalog of my supposed offences and crimes. Kind of like an evil version of the old TV show, “This is your Life”, but again, this is only my imagination talking. I got the idea from that “This Was your Life” religious tract that I’m pretty sure was planted for me to find in the desk in my family’s living room back when I was nine or ten years old. It’s a logical deduction considering the overall bizarreness of this situation, but the fact remains that I don’t really have any idea how this is supposed to end.

I do know that they want to get rid of me and that they’ve been trying to get me to do that for them for quite some time now. In fact I was recently thinking about the whole debacle where Dana Brownfield (the director of this hellish fiasco) rendered me homeless back in 2007 and now I’m convince that that wasn’t necessarily the most desired outcome of her luring me into her home back in 2003. The only reason things may have ended that way was because I was very upset when I began to realize that her entire property was bugged and I said I should smash her computer and I even pushed the tower dramatically, not enough to tip it over, but just to emphasize my point. Yes, the place was definitely bugged so she both saw and heard the entire performance. The very next day she unexpectedly burst into my room in the basement with that fat lout friend of hers “Robert” and started boxing up all my things. Mysteriously, even though they could have thrown me out that very night she announced that I could stay another day. A very weird and seemingly counterproductive decision since she wanted me out of there ASAP. I could never figure it out why she did that. It certainly wasn’t out of any kind of generosity, but then I remembered something that I had long ago forgotten because it made no sense to me at the time. I heard her telling fatso upstairs that she gave me another day, then I heard some mumbling, then one of them, I can’t remember which, said, “…and hopefully it will be his last!”. “Of course it will be my last”, I thought, “I don’t see how I can possibly continue to stay here once they kick me out and change all the locks!”. Remember, through Anne Hunt she had, again, got me involved with hard drugs. I honestly think she was hoping that I, depressed at the prospect of being thrown out of my home when I had no friends and absolutely nowhere to go, would take refuge in more drugs than usual and OD. Of course dying on her property would create a certain amount of annoyances and inconveniences for her, but what an awesome way for them to end that decades old series of theirs, me actually dying of a drug overdose on camera! I’m sure she thought she’d go down in television history for all time ending their long running series like that! It would just wrap everything up so neatly! They could edit it into a motion picture and even take the moral high ground by promoting its decidedly “anti-drug” message! (Never mind that it was they who intentionally got me involved with drugs in the first place!) Also I wouldn’t be around to accuse or contradict them concerning anything said about or done to me on that show.

They’d have absolute and complete control over that entire narrative for all time, after all, that’s the eternal wet dream of today’s media.

I don’t suppose anyone should be surprised that she once confessed to me that she had political asperations. She’d fit right in!

“Ritual in the Dark” by Colin Wilson


Although all the promotional material I’ve read stated that C. Wilson wrote this book at 17 or 18, that’s actually somewhat deceptive, apparently, since I’ve also read that he rewrote it at least twice since the original draft he penned in his notebooks in 1950. He revised it for its initial publication in 1955 when he was riding the wave of his newfound celebrity after being showered with praise from Britain’s literary world following the publication of his first book, “The Outsider”. Then, still not being entirely happy with it, he edited it again for republication in 1960. Since the copy I read was published in the 1970s its safe to assume it was this final draft that I read.

Despite all the hype it doesn’t deliver quite the stomach churning morbid gruesomeness that the advertisements and reviews seem to promise. It’s actually a very “British” book, so it’s very polite and inoffensive. The story focuses on an aspiring writer, Gerard Sorme, who gets acquainted with a homosexual named Austin Nunne while attending a Nijinsky exhibit in London. His new friend is very wealthy, bored and somewhat jaded. We later find out that he is a person of interest in an international investigation concerning a series of particularly sadistic murders. What I find odd about this is since Nunne is so unapologetically homosexual it seems unusual that nearly all his victims have been women. Although the book suggests this may be the result of some dynamic between him and his mother, and resentment towards women in general, I confess I don’t know enough about abnormal psychology to know how common this sort of thing is. I would imagine that since gays are attracted to the same gender that their sex crime victims would all be men or boys. His first murder, the one that first brought him to the attention of the police, was a male prostitute he met in Germany, yet he focused exclusively on women after that, committing most of his subsequent homicides in Jack the Ripper’s old stomping grounds, Whitechapel.

The main character, Gerard, is obviously modeled after the author, so he is portrayed as fiercely heterosexual. This is underscored by the fact that, later on in the the book, he seduces two of Austin’s female relations, his middle-aged aunt, who is a Jehovah’s Witness, and her 16-year-old niece, Not quite in that order, though that’s how most people would assume it happened.

colin wilson 1

Colin Wilson and his wife. 1956

The book was engaging and pleasurable to read, but we don’t really learn much about what motivates these thrill killers. Also, what I found annoying was that he spent a lot of time conflating sadistic serial murderers with German National Socialists in World War two. I guess that’s to be expected since it was originally written in the early 50s when all that war-time propaganda would still be fresh in people’s minds. Maybe it’s because the modern mind has been deluded with so much propaganda designed specifically to keep people asleep and in the dark that we can’t seem to solve many of our most basic  social problems and everything has been getting progressively worse for the past 80 years.

Also, as a side note he also meets a painter through Austin who was emotionally involved with a thirteen year old girl. Near the end of the book it was revealed that he never molested her sexually, but, since it was the mid fifties one had to tread rather lightly around the topic of pedophilia. I like Wilson’s work despite the fact he tried to perpetuate a lot of the stuff the elites were pushing at the time. He was obviously very intelligent and knew what he had to do to get ahead. He knew what his publishers wanted. Nobody ever goes broke appealing to people’s prurient interests, but what’s ironic is his career was quickly threatened by a sort of sex scandal even as he was bathing in the initial glow of the international renown his first published book had earned him. Seemed he had a notebook in which he was recording his ideas for another book on sex murders he was preparing to write and this book was found by his mistress’ father who went to the police with it. Later, not long afterwards, someone stole all his private notebooks and journals and sold them to some newspapers, who had an absolute field day with the material they provided, printing a lot of excerpts from them, entirely taken out of context, of course. Because of my own life experience I can totally sympathize with the humiliation he underwent because of that incident. Mine is much worse actually and goes on till this day, so let me rephrase that: if he were still alive he may have some idea of what I am forced to go through.

Even though Wilson frequently deals with sensational topics I still like his work since it is so well researched and I can tell that the subject matter genuinely interests him, intellectually, of course. Though he didn’t manage to answer too deeply any serious questions I may have had about serial killers he does a pretty good job of it in some of his later works.

A full list of all his published works are available on his Wikipedia page.