“Forget the Past and you’ll lose both eyes”
-old Russian proverb
Damn! I thought of a really clever and appropriate title for this post earlier but I’ve since completely forgotten what it was! I guess I’m stuck with the stupid working title “Evening Sunrise” if I can’t remember it or think of another one. I’m such a horrible writer that simply the fact anyone reads my posts at all pretty much proves my already existing popularity beyond all doubt. I don’t even know who most of these people are so you don’t need to be Sherlock Holmes to know something funny is going on. Sometimes my writing is okay but I think a lot of these posts are downright embarrassing. I’m primarily a visual artist anyway. That’s okay, after I get a few things out of the way I’m going to start drawing again. I won’t give out anymore information on that now because I don’t want my efforts cursed. You know, I’m starting to believe that my very reluctance to put pencil to paper could very well be a result of some of their infernal incantations. If so I may be making art sooner than you think since I’ve already experienced surprising success melting a lot of their devil magick spells away lately. I noticed they’ve been changing the focus of this show away from my work to mostly attacks and criticism against me personally since the mid 90’s. Actually, who am I kidding? They’ve always badmouthed me, it’s just gotten more savage and vicious lately. And on fucking TV of all things. Talk about a grotesquely unfair advantage, and I’m not even allowed to hear what they say. They obviously do this to stir people up against me. I wish I knew why I’m so fucking important. I must be considering all the trouble they go through and how many people they employ working on that damned thing. Actually I think they made me important only so they could tear me down in front of the public. Magick is mostly symbolism anyway people. I may make a post on that later.
You know, the Bay Area is not only a hotbed of drugs and sexual perversion, there is also a lot of occult activity here. They portray me in such a way it’s guaranteed to majorly upset all the local wildlife so you just know all those witches and church of Satan people have been hexing the living shit out of me for years now. This all is intentional and I believe it’s the reason they had their agents “educate” me as they did (some of you may recall my “scapegoat” theory). I think that until recently they’ve been very successful at messing me up with their supernatural campaign, but to be honest their televisual and internet defamation seems to have done a lot more damage to me than their diabolic harassment, especially since I figured out what they were doing. The “spells”, or whatever you want to call them, were very effective at controlling my behavior and the media has been ruthlessly making real world problems for me as far back as I can remember. Like I keep saying, this is why they are so secretive and sneaky, your ignorance gives them incredible power over you. Once you figure out what they’re up to they lose a lot of their control, so wake up and free yourselves everybody!
Around three or four days ago it was pretty darn chilly, but it has been warming up considerably lately. This morning it cooled down a bit but not too much so I suppose winter is finally over around here, at least what passes for winter around here finally is. I’m making impressive progress on the prep work for the coming renovations I’m very happy to say. So far everything is coming along fine! Of course by now all the easier stuff is out of the way and only the more difficult things are left to deal with, but I’m making such impressive progress I’ve no doubt it will end in resounding success!
Aside from that one, specific project the past couple of days in particular have been depressingly wasteful and I honestly have no idea where all that time has gone, but I feel that I’m finally getting a grip and have the upper hand over that ADD. (I’ve been wondering lately whether my ADD may not also be the result of their hocus pocus mumbo jumbo). Someday I’d like to find out all of what they have been saying and doing my unsuspecting back all these years. Another very bad thing about this idiotic charade those media dorks are putting on is that I can’t get help with my ADD because everyone is pretending I’m delusional because I know about their TV show, and it’s just not a good idea to give anyone medication that helps them focus if they are crazy. Just another example of how their evil deeds snowball. I have a lot of legitimate grievances with this show and the fuckwits who make it, but, of course nobody’s supposed to care about their abysmal disregard for ethics and morality but is rather encouraged to carry on criticizing every little thing I do and trying to tear me into smaller and smaller pieces even though I’ve completely retired from public life years ago, and never even had any power or influence in the first place. Seriously, why though? Why have I never been allowed to be left alone by these monsters? And it’s been going on nearly my entire life, since elementary school. If I had committed some heinous crime I’d likely have been released after a few years and had a team of social workers helping me put together a good life for myself. What gives these arrogant pieces of shit the right to punish me year after year after year like this? And for what?! I don’t know how they excuse their motivation for all this to the public, but it seriously feels like they are punishing me. It’s been going on forever, getting progressively more negative and invasive. I feel that they intend to keep going with it till they finally succeed in squeezing the last bit of joy out of my life, then go on to squeeze all of life itself out of me.
For the longest time I simply could not figure out why I had such rotten luck. I remember I used to tell people that I felt like God was always fucking with me. Then I found out it was TV that was fucking with me, and since so many people think television is God it all finally made a warped sort of sense.
Either I’m getting in touch with the underlying structure of the universe now or reality is very subjective. I don’t mean my ‘perceptions’ of reality are subjective, I mean reality itself. I’m growing more and more convinced that I’m actually an important part of some kind of huge moral struggle that’s going on. Not sure how I feel about it though. I’m sure all you people that naively believe everything they tell you on that show have no idea what I’m talking about, but that really doesn’t matter. They put a lot of effort into trying to prove I’m the bad guy, but push all their hype aside and you’ll see I’ve not done anything inexcusably bad, even counting all the weird shit they coerced me into doing behind the scenes using either their paid agents (and possibly even the occult). They are even largely responsible for educating me in my present point of view, but since you are eager to believe anything they tell you on the idiot box I don’t expect you to grasp the implications of all that. Most people will just believe whoever can afford the most expensive presentation, and since I ain’t got the “do re mi” there’s no point on my even bothering to play this game. Tapping away in this obscure corner of the internet is the best I can do. Even if I was the best writer ever I haven’t a chance against all their money and media. I just have to have faith that truth will out in the end.
It used to be one of my biggest fears that life might actually be meaningless and all that mattered was pleasure and power, but now I’m convinced of the existence of a spiritual dimension. The thought brokers behind that show also believe in the spiritual world, only, since the joy and wonder of existence has long ago left them, or ossified into a jaded cynicism, they are no longer awed by it and they still believe the world is only about pleasure and power, their own pleasure and power. Instead of developing any kind of connection with the rest of humanity and the universe from what they’ve learned about metaphysics they have been using this knowledge to control what they feel are inferior beings. “Inferior beings” like you and me and all the billions of others on this sphere. I’m now convinced that that TV show they use me for has occult significance. Although it has devastated my own life that was possibly just one of the side effects of making it, not the only reason for it. It’s real purpose was social engineering and the further beguiling of the public (the world). These people control you by worming their way into your heads, and their mind control is EVERYWHERE, in every ad you see, every song you hear, in movies, TV, on billboards, in magazines, in modern art, even architecture and fashion design, and even in modern language itself. Some people even believe they put chemicals in the air and water to control you. I wouldn’t doubt that they do. Even certain frequencies of sound affect you mood. They make extensive use of this and many other tricks in pop music as well as all their other media. They know all the tricks of how to manipulate what you feel, think, dream and do. They even know things you are incapable of even imagining because they have always been obsessed with control and learning how to most effectively exert and wield it. They have us all submerged in a poison matrix of their own making.
In the 1950’s they spent millions of dollars on “marketing research”, ostensibly to learn how to make better ads and commercials. But what are ads and commercials if not mind control? They still spend a fortune to this day learning how to better manipulate people. Google “government can project voices into your head”, “voice of God weapon” and “Zuckerberg’s mind reading software” just for starters. This combined with the increasingly oppressive political climate doesn’t bode very well for our collective future.
I know at least some of you people are disappointed that I no longer seem to do anything remotely interesting. Well, you know whose to blame for that. Those power mad assholes behind that damned show have no self control and got way too carried away stirring up trouble for me using fucking television to turn not only the entire community, but the fucking world against me. Only a fool or a liar would deny that’s what they have been doing. I’d like to take an art class but it will likely be full of young people. Young people generally have minimal life experience so they tend to naively believe everything they see on TV, and, well, lets just say I don’t suffer fools gladly. I also need to go into the city and get some important dental work done but the show originates from there and it seems that they all mindlessly follow it, so, understandably I’m not too eager to go out into that environment. It got so bad that a life of minimal excitement in my own home has become vastly preferable to the life of negative chaos they were making for me outside. Since I had that choice I naturally picked the option that was most conducive to my own personal safety and sanity. I haven’t a chance of competing with the mass media so I see no point in even trying. Besides, these people are poor matchmakers and I really don’t care for the kind of company they tend to get me involved with. Just consider me on strike if that helps you to understand what I’m saying.
I know these people, audience included, criticize me unjustly. At least they were doing so back when I was listening to this thing. They obviously don’t give a fuck about my legal rights so naturally they could care less about saying unfair things about me. All these TV people are doing is working up an unruly mob against me. Most people these days are empty vessels living only to be told what to think and do. Anyway it’s really a base and low concept for a show. They ruin my life then record and broadcast it. Not much has changed since the days they threw people to wild beast in the Colosseum to amuse the public. I never agreed to any of this and it has made things difficult and disappointing for me most of my life. I’ve been pleading for them to stop for eleven years now but my wishes have not only been entirely ignored, this damned show has actually been growing progressively more cruel and invasive all this time. Everyone who reads anything I have written knows I want it stopped. Also considering the devastation they have caused me I think I also certainly deserve compensation for all I have lost.
Okay, I know I’m just flogging a dead horse at this point, even worse, it seems, the more I complain the more audacious and brazen they get. They love doing this sort of thing, playing demented gods. They live for it.
Right now I’m reading “The Gulag Archipelago”. After that I’d like to read, “Democracy in America”. I just ordered two very interesting books I’m curious about, “The Books of Enoch”: and, “Who built the Moon?”. I believe the “Book of Enoch” talks about a lot of stuff from the time of Genesis and mentions “Nephilim”. From my understanding they are the product of the union of human females and fallen angels and they are usually giants. In burial mounds across the globe their have been found the ancient remains (at least 8,000 years old if memory serves) of giants seven to twelve feet tall, often with double rows of teeth. Judging by how they are buried and what they are buried with (slaves, artifacts made with precious stones and metals) they seem to have been kings. People used to find huge human bones all across America (Google for old newspaper articles about them) and turned them over to the Smithsonian. Oddly enough they have all since disappeared, although some still exist in private collections. They are so old many of them that they often begin to rapidly deteriorate once exposed to the modern atmosphere. Anyway it’s one of those interesting topics not recognized by mainstream science so theirs not exactly an overabundance of research available.
“Who Built the Moon” is about our familiar satellite and it’s anomalies and it proposes an original and unique theory to explain them. This is from the book description, ” They found a consistent sequence of integer numbers that they can apply to every major aspect of the Moon; no such pattern emerges for any other planet or moon in the solar system. In addition, Knight and Butler discovered that the Moon possesses few or no heavy metals and has no core—something that should not be possible. Their persuasive conclusion: if higher life only developed on Earth because the Moon is exactly what it is and where it is, it becomes unreasonable to cling to the idea that the Moon is a natural object”. Also, from what I understand, the moon orbits the earth much closer than it should, closer than any of the other moons in our solar system orbit their parent planets. It’s a very remarkable “coincidence” that the moon perfectly superimposes itself over the sun during eclipse (sun and moon are the exact same size in our sky). Also, when the Apollo 12 intentionally crashed part of its Lunar Module into the Moon, it rang like a bell for an hour, indicating that it must be hollow like a bell. Some argue that it’s because the moon is just so dry. I don’t know, but the book sounds very interesting. I only hope it’s written well.
All my life I’ve only believed what science can prove. Science requires facts for proof but many facts are ignored, or sometimes they are ambiguous but they only use them to prove whatever hypothesis is in vogue at the time. Unusual and unexplained things occur, not often, granted, but they do from time to time. For instance I’m concerned for Karen’s future. I’m not confident she can make it on her own, that someone will eventually take advantage of her and fleece her of what little she has. I held these concerns in common with her mother. Before she died I promised her I’d do my best to look out for Karen, and that if I ever get the money I’m due that I’ll use it to protect her from harm. On the 27th of December when I was getting ready to leave the house for an early morning doctor’s appointment, around 6am I think, I heard a strange squeaking noise coming from the dining room. When I investigated it I found the ceiling fan was spinning. I never turn it on but the switch was in the on position and the fan was spinning. How did it turn itself on when I wasn’t even in the room? A week later when I finally talked to Karen she told me her mother had passed away. Later in the conversation after we had worked our way down to sharing trivia and events of minor importance I told her about the fan incident and I told her what day it happened. We then both realized that both the fan episode and her mother’s demise occurred not only on the same day, but the fan’s independent and mysterious activity happened very shortly after her mother’s last breath, freakishly soon after adjusting for the time difference between here and where they were. Of course I suspect it was her mother’s spirit checking in on me and reminding me of the promise I made her before going off to her next incarnation (or ultimate destiny depending on your religious inclination). I also realize it’s possible that this whole experience might just be another set up of those TV people who direct my life. Since my home is basically a set where a television show is staged and filmed they may have been able to turn on the fan remotely. Perhaps Karen’s mother never died at all. Maybe that wasn’t even Karen’s mother in the first place since my life is so full of actors. It’s very confusing so it’s just easier for me to play along with the script sometimes and pretend that things really are what they seem to be. If I assume everything is fake and constantly engage myself in trying to figure out every little aspect of what they could be doing I’d eventually completely lose my mind.
Sometime in the middle of June, possibly July, after all the madness over here is finally finished and because it will be an all day trip, I plan on taking a little journey out to Mariposa Street in SF. Just a little exploratory expedition to familiarize myself with the lay of the land. I’ll let you all know what happens when the time comes.
My progress in figuring out what they are doing to me and my freeing myself of it has been very slow but steady. I do wish I could catch on a little faster than I do, but I am very heartened by the fact I’ve made such solid progress. Lets be honest, a lot of people live very long lives and die before they figure out the first thing about themselves or their relationship to the world. It’s not even all about intelligence either, but imagination and the ability to change your focus. Tearing down cherished notions you may have held for years because they were built on a faulty foundation and putting something drastically different up in it’s place on a more sound substratum. It’s always a lot of work arriving at the truth. The sad part is that even the lucky few of us who do manage to figure the universe out eventually have to die only to start over from scratch again, although not completely over.