I’ve been reading through all the books of Wilkie Collins
lately. He and Dickens were very good friends. Dickens was his mentor since he was the older of the two and actively encouraged him in his writing.
I’ve long noticed lots of subversive elements in both their works, especially Collins
. This got me curious and after a little light research I found that the two of them often used Masonic symbolism in their writings, so I think it’s safe to say the subversion (filing away at the keystones of Victorian society) was entirely intentional.
One of the charming cliches of the literature of that era is how women faint and men’s reason often becomes unhinged upon receiving bad news or making unpleasant discoveries. This only goes to show what an influence theater had on literature since such devices were frequently used in dramatic climaxes in staged productions from the time.
Since we know that people frequently reacted to psychological shocks like that back then I think that only proves how much influence both theater and literature had on people in those days, and it was not actually ‘art was imitating life’. This is obvious since people do not commonly handle unexpected situations that way any longer.
This should also illustrate how dangerous books written by malcontents actually were at the time (and still are, of course). Obviously drama and writing had an influence similar, though possibly not as powerful, as movies and television do today.
Presently I’m reading Collins‘ first book, “Basil”, which deals with a man who marries well below his station. Other books of his I’ve read dealt with everything from illegitimate birth to even race relations. Apparently this ‘deconstructivism’ predates the 20th century by almost 100 years.
I often wonder if I did things different if I could have avoided my present situation, but I keep coming to the same conclusion being that I think that what I’m experiencing right now was always unavoidable. Besides, the most basic component of this show, what it entirely relies upon, is dishonesty. If anybody told me the truth about what has been going on, well, simply put, there just wouldn’t be any show. Aside from slips that people have made from time to time only two people have ever came right out and told me the truth. One was Anne Hunt, a sort of call girl they paid to get involved with me to get me back into drugs because, at that time at least, much of the public was actually starting to sympathize with me. Well, we obviously can’t have that, so they sent a naked whore galloping towards me on a white horse holding a smoking meth pipe up high as trumpets blasted the cavalry charge theme. Anne to the rescue! Since they usually use this show to isolate me from most meaningful forms of human interactions this proved to be a very effective ploy to get me back into drugs again. Anyway, one night as I was walking her back to her car she asked me if I ever felt like my life was just a television show. Of course, despite the fact that I often did I dismissed this as I always dismissed the idea thinking that there just isn’t any way people could find me interesting enough to actually want to watch on television as entertainment. Of course what I never took into consideration while following this line of reasoning is that television has never relied on the truth to hook viewers. Instead they imply much that isn’t true and exaggerate even the most commonplace events and occurrences into something either unusual or bigger than life. Hell, they encourage people to outright lie about me. Fucking Brownfield herself went on this thing telling some of the most gigantic lies I’ve ever heard in my life and she was talking about me. I heard this all myself when I was living in the Jefferson Oaks (now the Savoy) in Oakland. In the end their final product actually has very little to do with me, or even reality itself. I guess if they stuck to the truth people would either change the channel to watch something a little more exciting, like a golfing match, or they might even, heaven forbid, switch off their sets entirely. The only other time someone actually told me the truth I was on one of those recovery forums. Those places were never any help for me because all the other drunks and drug addicts were always openly antagonistic towards me. Highly unusual, I know, but strange things like that always seem to happen to me. This all happened about twelve years ago so, unfortunately, it never occurred to me to take screen caps, assuming I even knew how back then. Anyway, I forget what specifically prompted me to say it, but I said that I had a strange feeling people were watching me all the time and one guy told me I should trust my instincts since in this case I was absolutely correct. That guy then mysteriously got his account deleted shortly after that I recall. Fortunately, thanks to not only my own nearly fifty years worth of unusual observations, but the fact that I was actually able to listen to the stupid thing for myself from 2007-2012 I’ve not had to rely on the public’s honesty to find out what the devil has been going on.
As I was saying, since I am presently right where they’ve always wanted me to be at this point I don’t believe I ever had a real chance to avoid this. Come on, everybody has been fucking lying to me since I was at least nine. Sometimes I wish certain of my relatives were still alive so I could show them how out of hand and ridiculous this whole thing has become. Unfortunately I think even that is a naive fantasy. I think I thought that because they got me mixed up with these people and this mess they might have some influence over them and might be able to get them to cool it a bit and back off, however I think that would have been a forlorn hope. I remember once, not long before my grandfather died, I was complaining to him about this nightmare. He just gave me his generic advice, “Just don’t talk so much, be careful what you say and keep your opinions to yourself”. I then told him that things simply weren’t that simple and how they were tapping my phone and even had microphones hidden in my room to gather material for their damnable show and he had nothing to say to any of that. The thing is I’m sure he already knew all that because I know he himself watched that misleading production. In either a private conversation with someone or a private email, I’m not sure which, I said something critical of how he brought me up. Well, I think it was the very next day he then called me on the phone to either defend or deny whatever I said concerning him. How the devil would he have even known what I had said unless they broadcast it over that show while he was watching it? He didn’t know any of the people I spoke to up here so there is just no other way he could have known. I was careful not to make anything of the fact he just admitted to me that he knew all about the show and how it worked out of respect for his declining health, but needless to say this discovery depressed me considerably. Also, I find it interesting how everyone thinks they have a right to defend their public image and go to great lengths in order to do so, and isn’t it also funny how I seem to be the only person who is denied this right considering I’m not even ever allowed to know whats being said about me on that idiotic show of theirs?
Okay, I get from the way people treat me that they have been working very hard to make people think I’m crazy, and not just ‘eccentric’, but stark raving mad. Two things about that, do you really think that if I was anywhere near as unpredictable and potentially dangerous as many of you evidently think I am that I’d have been allowed to roam around free as the air itself all my life and stay completely out of prison, jail or indeed any kind of trouble involving the law? Also, to me at least, its a very puzzling paradox indeed that everyone thinks I’m nuts yet they know that my life is a television show and they constantly lie to me about it. Clearly I’m not the one that’s not firing on all cylinders, it’s the society around me that’s clearly out of balance. Also, think about it: what if you discovered that your entire life was nothing but a cheesy television show made to entertain idiots and everyone you had ever known was either in on it or working directly for the show’s director? That everyone you’ve ever known has been lying to you and that there isn’t a damned thing you can do about it? What kind of an effect would that have on you? Based on how childish most people are these days I’ve no doubt many of you would have been reduced to simpering imbecility due to such a revelation. Me, well, I have some tricks that help me cope with it all and one of them are these writings that help me organize my thoughts concerning all this madness. Actually I get the impression that maybe it really wouldn’t have much effect on most of you since I can tell from my dealings with you that a lot of you aren’t firmly grounded in reality in the first place. Why else would most of you not see the obvious contradiction in thinking that I’M crazy when its the whole world watching a TV show about me and then lying to me about it? Clearly it’s your behavior and that of others like you that is unorthodox.
Unfortunately there is much about this whole situation that I dare not even touch upon here in public writings and don’t take that as proof that I’ve got crazy ideas about any of this or anything else. Actually I do have crazy ideas, lots of them, but I keep them to myself as I dreamed them up only in fun and toy with them as ideas for short stories and such. Anyway its the average man (and woman) on the street that clearly suffers from delusions. It is because of this that I can’t share everything I know. Yes, not to be overly dramatic but it is one of those “you can’t handle the truth” situations.
Most of the people I see out and about actually look stone retarded. These people never question anything they see in the media, unless maybe they look at some form of alternative media possibly, and if they do its usually because it has some ethnic bias that they think favors them. I don’t know, isn’t the average IQ close to 90 nowadays? If they tested EVERYBODY and averaged it out I’ve no doubt it would be, likely even lower than that I would bet. You cant expect these people to ‘think outside the box when they haven’t even a box to think in in the first place.
Remember, I was able to listen to this show myself for five years. I was shocked because it was nothing less than classic brainwashing. All the creepy music and sounds played whenever I appeared or spoke on it. Frankly I’m amazed this kind of garbage is allowed. How they are allowed to do this kind of crap to me I don’t know. My entire life I was led to believe that I was nothing more than an anonymous eccentric who liked to draw weird pictures only to find that I was being used, used to condition and program the masses. It kinda makes me sick to my stomach to be honest. Sometimes when I’m making small talk with some clerk or whatever and I stray away from the common banalities and generalizations typical of small talk I can see their eyes literally glaze over like they are about to go into a trance. There is definitely something very evil going on here and what’s most disturbing about it is it’s going on in plain view.
There is no doubt in my mind that I am exactly where they want me to be in my life right now and everything is going according to their wicked plan. What really gets me is I was never offered a choice in the matter but there was never anything I could have done to prevent this. I’m sure that when my grandfather, or whoever it was, made this deal with them that they weren’t completely honest about their true intentions, these people never are. Never make any kind of agreement with them if you can avoid it, it always ends up going down just like it does in the comic books and old TV shows where someone makes a deal with the devil. There is always some gigantic hitch that always completely negates and eclipses whatever benefit you thought you would get out of the deal when you made it. Between how evil these people are and how dense the public is my chances don’t look too good now to be completely honest. I guess this is all just another case of rich fucks crushing a poor person to squeeze whatever they can get out of them. There doesn’t seem to be anything I can do about it. There never was.
Only recently has this kind of persecution even be technologically possible so I am sure I’m the first person in history ever to have suffered extensive harassment of this kind. I have to laugh at people who believe my own behavior in the face of all this has been inappropriate. Apparently they fantasize that if the same thing happened to them they could have pulled it off with much more dignity. The truth is that they have no idea how they would react had they been scrutinized and harassed by the media as their community collectively lied to them about it. They simply have no idea what its like. How could they? Its never happened to any on ever before. Nothing even close has.
People, upon meeting me for the first time, frequently seem genuinely surprised and moved to remark on what a nice guy they thought I was, obviously because their opinion of me had been artfully nudged in the opposing position by Dana’s defamatory show.
This show has always been about isolating me from everyone else hoping to get me to self destruct. This is probably the most sadistic way imaginable to do somebody in. Any other conceivable way of killing someone, shooting, stabbing, pushing them off a cliff, is angelically merciful by comparison.
I recently sent Dana a copy of a story I recently read online. I’d read a few stories like this one before and I find them particularly evil. Since this one reminded me of what she has obviously been trying to do to me, I sent it to her. It was the story of some guy who held a grudge against a woman for something she did to him during elementary school so he’d been gas-lighting her for years in subtle ways no one but her could notice. People kept telling he she was imagining things until she herself started questioning her own sanity. Once she found she had become physically dependent on the anti-anxiety drugs her husband and doctor had her taking the evil protagonist of the story felt he finally had his revenge on her as he had, for all practical intents and purposes, succeeded in having her chemically lobotomized. Another by product of this wretched plan was that, due to the horrible depression she was suffering, the victim stopped painting, which was always her one true passion in her life. Of course only an absolute sociopath could take any joy in doing something as uncompromisingly evil as that to somebody, but this aspect of the story, along with his elaborate scheme that took him years to complete reminded me so much of that evil cunt that I felt obligated to share it with her, hoping she may see her own reflection in it and experience a twinge of repulsion. I don’t imagine she did though since true sociopaths seem to be incapable of feeling anything like empathy for their victims.
They have been gradually tightening their surveillance and control of me all my life and its gotten ridiculous lately, especially since I found out about the show eleven years ago. Now I often find I will only have one person I can even casually converse with, not counting professionals who are paid to talk to me. As you can imagine, if you only have one single person in your life they can exert quite a big influence on your thought and behavior. Think back to grade school where you may have had one best friend you spent all your spare time with and all the weird things you got each other into.
It embarrasses me to admit that I too am very susceptible to people’s influence one on one. This tendency is obviously hard wired into us. It explains such phenomenon as ‘bronies’, ‘furries’, sadomasochism and communism.
I remember back in elementary school I was always kind of weirded out by comic books. Something about them always struck me as unwholesome and perverse. I think my opinion was influence by my grandparents who may have still remembered the whole ‘seduction of the innocent’ hubbub from the early fifties. Anyway my best friend somehow got really into them in 7th grade and I got into them through him. So yes, although I am obviously much more independent than the average person, of course people in my life exert no small influence on me. Remember though that these people in my life have always been lying to me and trying to lead me astray. I have no doubts whatsoever that every single person I’ve been socializing with since I arrived here back in 2003, with the possible exception of people I knew from work, have been intentionally manipulating me, and many of them have been directly in the employ of Dana Brownfield. This has been going on till this very day. These people work for this show and they influence my opinions on an array of topics, including and especially politics. Its no coincidence that they have been encouraging unpopular opinions, or, at the very least, those demonized by the MSM. Obviously these show people don’t care about my opinions concerning anything and I’ve no doubt many of them believe things that would scare the living shit out of most of you if you even suspected what they were. Obviously they only want me to be known for saying unpopular things because if people don’t like me they won’t care about what a horrible deal I’m getting. In fact they want people to wish ill on me, then they can tune in and enjoy seeing it actually done.
Honestly, I hardly even interact with the world so why should I even care what’s going on in it, I certainly don’t have any power or control over anything anyway. I certainly have much more important personal business to worry about. This whole thing, just like every other damned thing thats ever happened to me in my life, is being staged for their idiotic television show.
That’s only one of the things they do. These people also encourage me to say derogatory things about other people I’ve known. Since everything I say is transmitted all over the place it’s another evil way to get me to burn any bridges I may have made and further ensure my social isolation. Also they will relentlessly bug me to confess to doing antisocial things. They will keep annoying me with the same repetitious questions until I will actually just agree that I did whatever it is to shut them up. These things only work because often I’ve not another soul to talk to and I want to keep things smooth so I feel I have to do things that often go against my better judgement just to keep everybody happy.
Again, I ave no idea what’s really going on, and neither do you. Sure, I know about this television show, but right after I learned for a fact that this show is real I knew that it was just the tip of the iceberg. There is much more going on here, and since I know how deceptive and dishonest these people are I’ve no doubts at all that the public doesn’t know the extent of what is really going on either, and I don’t just mean the occult elements.
Of course I have no choice but to see this through if only to prevent them from leaving an image of me for posterity that is entirely the product of their own imagination, but there is a much bigger mystery here that I intend to solve.
They have obviously been trying to drive me to suicide since high school. Despite that being the most sadistic way possible to kill somebody the real reason they are doing it that way is because the very nature of this show keeps me on camera every second of every day so it’s really the only way of doing it they can if they want to avoid suspicion. I just want to say to all concerned that if I ever do meet with a fatal accident of any sort to look very closely into it if you are genuinely interested in seeing justice served. Just know that I am doing everything I can to keep life and limb, body and soul working together in harmony for as long as possible.
People always assumed I had hyperactive disorder as a child, but considering that didn’t show up until the third grade I think I was just very nervous about being watched. Anyway, finding out about the show was a real epiphany because I finally knew how all my private observations and ideas had been seeping out into the popular consciousness, even ending up in the media (TV, music and movies) all my life, among other things. It solved a lot of mysteries but that was the one that had been bothering me most.
Assuming I survive to see the end of this thing I’m sure things are going to get pretty fucking stupid. You know how all the NPCs love to jump on a bandwagon. Its every boring loser’s opportunity to get some attention joining in as everybody stomps the prostrate pariah. I already heard on the show some stand up comics referring to me in their routines. I’m sure they have gotten many times more nasty since then since the show has been getting increasingly more vicious judging by the ‘vibes’ I’ve been getting from people lately. I’m sure there will be a slew of nasty articles, cartoons, memes and maybe even books. No big deal, if anything this whole experience has given me a much thicker skin. As long as they pay me a reasonable price for my life I can’t complain. That’s what being a celebrity is all about and the only way to ensure EVERYBODY loves you would be to be as bland and uninteresting as possible. Also it’s so typical that all this chaos has been created by an ineffectual nobody and all her fat and ugly friends in the media. There’s a lot of animosity in losers like that and they really get off on trashing the reps of their superiors. They and many of the fans of their work are very petty and jealous little people. Anyway, when you get right down to it they are really little more than panderers who made their fortune by hiding CCTV cameras in my bedroom and bathroom since I was a little kid and the public are just a bunch of scumbags who lied to me my entire life to hide this fact from me. What a wonderful world full of beautiful people, eh? Reminds me of that old DEVO song: