Evidently my grandfather was very naive to trust you people and I’m very upset with him that he got me so intimately tangled up with criminals such as yourselves. He used very poor judgment in that particular instance.
You are not only unethical and immoral, you are genuinely evil. I used to wonder why, since you were making good money off of me, you have been trying to kill me since high school (by trying to get me to kill myself), but the answer is obviously that I’d be worth much more to you dead than alive. Lord knows you’ve never paid me a fucking cent despite the fact you’ve all grown rich off of me. And no, having the spies and whores you’ve employed to stand between me and the public buy me trinkets now and again is not a legitimate form of compensation. In fact, instead of paying me any kind of reasonable compensation for stealing my life from me you have striven to do all you could to insure I died in abject misery.
I can’t believe that, now that I know what you people have been doing to me for nearly 50 years, that you actually think you have a chance in hell of convincing me that I was crazy and imagined the whole thing. Once the genie is out of the bottle (or once the “C.A.T. is out of the bag” LOL) you should know it’s impossible to ever get it back in again. It was never fully in there to begin with. I always felt I was on television since I was in grade school, and even that things around me were always being staged for my benefit. I used to think that was kind of crazy, but what’s really crazy is that my impressions turned out to be so accurate.
What really gets me is despite the fact you owe me for the soft life I have unknowingly provided for you you’ve shown me no gratitude whatsoever. Beyond petty shit you have done to me, like charge me $350 a month rent to live in your basement, which, incidentally wasn’t fit for human habitation (and I had no choice but to live there as your show made it impossible to find any kind of room mate situation anywhere else), your spiteful and destructive nature drove you further and during one of your most outrageous libel campaigns you actually made me homeless. This was no mere impulse on your behalf as it was, in fact, the reason you lured me up here in the first place. You even stole my drivers license and had your retarded friend with the speech impediment hack into my cell phone and delete my contacts in preparation for what, I can only imagine, you felt would be my end.
By far the most wicked thing you did was get me involved with hard drugs, not once, but a few times. Yes, thanks to your fellow scum bags in the media I was curious about different drugs, but you know I never sought them out and this is why you brought them to me. I know it was you because the people that got me involved with them, Roger Jesness, Anne Hunt, and everyone in between, worked directly for you. I know this for several reasons, not the least of which was that I heard them and recordings they made on your show. As if that wasn’t bad enough you tried making it nearly impossible for me to get off of them. Actually it would have been absolutely impossible if I had to rely on other people. Not only in AA itself but even on the so called ‘recovery’ websites the childish assholes who watch your shitty work refused to do anything to help me. I could go on for pages about that, but fortunately, once I saw what idiots they were being I decided I didn’t need those pathetic losers so I stopped by myself. I guess if you still want to kill me I guess you’ll have to grow a spine and do it yourself because I’m certainly not going to help you.
Wednesday, November 7th, 2018
I’ve come up with a lot of screwy theories about when and why this TV thing happened and most of them are kind of embarrassing in retrospect. The fact is that I have no idea when, why or how it started. And although the first time I actually heard the show was in the fall of ’07, part of me knew about it all along before that but, and this is weird, its like I didn’t care about it. I’ve tried to explain that aspect of it a few times, how I always knew about it on some level but treated it like a fantasy or something, I knew about it but I was telling myself that I didn’t know about it. The fact is I don’t really understand that bizarre, contradictory thought process and it makes no sense to me. Considering there have always been Church of Satan people behind this thing I’m pretty sure that has something to do with some kind of ensorcellment. Even after I heard the show for myself and learned how thoroughly everything I did anywhere was being watched and listened to I still didn’t want to accept it and chose to live in denial most of the time. I think this tendency of mine could also be the result of some kind of spell. In fact I now think a lot of the odd things I thought and did and the compulsions I fought against were the result of them manipulating me with occult forces. For example, one of the weird things I remember doing was getting naked and decorating myself all over with different colored markers. I didn’t even take any pictures or anything. Though I didn’t know it at the time what I did was obviously done to entertain all the kinky voyeurs watching me on the broadcast CCTV feed. Other than that I can think of no other reason why I did it. Of course, frustrated by the fact every God damned thing I do is watched so closely and that there is no way I can escape from it I started saying and posting things online that I knew could upset all the stupid losers who watch that idiotic show, as well as the evil assholes who make it. That was such a flawed plan that I can’t help but think they must have influenced me to do that with their voodoo hoodoo as well. That spell seems to have quite an extraordinary hold on me since I’m having a very hard time trying to stop doing those things, but since that seems to be my only way of expressing my (very justifiable) anger over this whole fucked up situation its been very difficult. In fact, I had known I was being heavily spied upon for over five years when the idea came to me to start a blog full of things that I knew would send smoke billowing out of their pointy little ears. I deleted them all a year or two ago once I finally came to my senses and realized how dumb that was. Why did I insist on provoking these megalomaniac media monsters? Its such a one sided struggle that I’m bound to be the loser, and I’m sure that’s exactly why they singled me out in the first place. If my family had a presence and carried any kind of weight in the world those people never would have dreamed of doing a thing against me. As it is I just come from a long line of worker ants so these jerks felt perfectly safe stomping on me like they’ve been doing. Another good example of how they were manipulating me was all my substance abuse. I honestly thought I’d never stop drinking, smoking and doing drugs, yet not long after I discovered that there were a lot of very evil and powerful people who not only wanted me doing all those things, but had actually arranged things so that I was introduced to them in the first place, its like the compulsion completely left me. I really can’t explain it. Sure, I think about drugs occasionally, and even have a few drinks during the holidays sometimes, but I no longer have a desire to get carried away. If I get prescribed pain medication I use it as directed now. This would have been impossible ten years ago. This is not the result of therapy or a twelve step program, rather just my realizing what the f*ck has really been going on. I’m sure this is a big part of why they insisted everyone be evasive and lie to me about this whole thing. It’s primarily the secrecy that gave them such power over me. Thank God those people at the welfare hotel in Oakland were so fucking stupid and never thought to lower the volume on their televisions or I could possibly still be in the dark about it. Heck, I may have even been driven to kill myself by this time.
Anyway, one of the bizarre things I noticed about that show is how myopic their public is. I guess it has to do with the focus of the media, but most viewers seem to have very narrow tunnel vision. Nobody even seems to give a f*ck, assuming they ever think about it at all, that I’ve been the victim of an egregious crime since I was a very young child and that the public has been condoning it by willingly cooperating with those assholes by lying to me about it all my life. I mean, it doesn’t take much perception to see how heinous this all is. I’ve been being set up, made a fool of and secretly recorded by fucking cameras and microphones hidden in my private residence and all this being broadcast all over the fucking world for as long as I can recall. I really don’t think any of you could even possibly imagine what life has been like for me, living under a public microscope since I was a child. To further constrict my isolation and lower the probability that someone might accidentally slip up and let me know some of what’s going on, since my young adulthood at least, all my friends and girlfriends have been directly employed by these people. It’s like I’m literally thier property and they are protecting their investment. Aside from actually building an artificial world for me to inhabit like on “The Truman Show” they couldn’t have more complete control everything I do, say and experience. It’s a new and sick form of slavery, but NOBODY ever has a word to say against this. Instead all the Pavlovian imbeciles out there are always allowing themselves to get worked up about things I said, never mind the fact that I never consciously intended for the public to hear any of them and the recordings of my saying them were obtained illegally. This was until eleven years ago when I learned that everything I said was being transmitted all over the globe. I knew from listening to thier show what kind of character they’ve made of me so I decided to flesh it out for them and show them how to do it right. Am I just expressing my understandable frustration by mocking the public or am I just responding to their infernal incantations? I wish I knew but this insane situation has me pretty confused to be honest.
Also keep in mind that since they have been so closely controlling both me and my social life for nearly 50 years my media masters should share at least as much responsibility for anything I say as myself. Aside from themselves for repeatedly tuning in, logically the people the public should primarily be mad at if anything on the show upsets them are the assholes who create it and broadcast it. After all this whole thing is actually a reflection of them, it’s creators. I’m pretty sure a large part of why they make sure to always have me be as controversial as possible was to create this exact situation, where the public is so busy frothing over things I’ve said that goes against their conditioning, that no one even notices or cares about the fact that several of my most basic human rights have been being violated since I was at least nine to make their ridiculous little show. That’s really the only issue about all this that any reasonable human being has any business getting hot under the collar about.
Given all this I came to the conclusion a long time ago that the smartest thing I could do considering I have this giant juggernaut called the “media” out to destroy me, is to just drop out of society altogether. I mean they’ve proven to me that they are hell bent on turning everything against me so it’s my safest option. Unless there is something unprecedentedly weird going on here my fortune is already made so I don’t have to go out and fight for it, in fact I’d only be putting myself seriously at risk by jumping into the fray of the world at all considering they’ve already made it clear that they won’t be satisfied with anything less than my premature death. The fact that they used to report on how I suffered from depression and made much of my past suicide attempts even while constantly sabotaging everything I’ve ever tried to do- and even did everything they could to get me mixed up with dangerous drugs- makes their homicidal intentions pretty obvious. They felt that because my mother committed suicide when I was 17 and both my parents were drug addicts that I’d be easy to get rid of simply by pulling a few strings and using some psychology. They were so confident that their show would outlive me that they don’t hold back when they slander me thinking I’ll never even have an opportunity to confront any of them with their lies. In fact, back when I was in the subsidized housing complex and could hear the show regularly and I heard a lot of the outrageous lies they were telling about me they were so off the mark that most of the time I thought they were talking about somebody else. I’d be listening, thinking, “Geez, what a sick fuck!…WAITAMINNIT! They’re talking about ME!!”. Many of their stories didn’t sound anything like something I would even consider doing.
But no, as usual the public is only focused on their programmed responses to what I myself have been programmed to say. These media assholes are playing everybody like a harp from f*cking hell and it’s just business as usual for them.
What really gets me is that the media has been victimizing me all my life, exploiting me, raping my privacy, insulting and humiliating me on the air since I was a child on that criminal show and all the public can think to do about it is compound my pain and suffering by heaping even yet more abuses on me. People are not content to merely ostracize me, they do any chickenshit little thing in their power to fuck with me on top of that. Short change me when I go shopping, refuse to sell to me when I try to purchase items online, report every little thing I post on the internet, kick me out of online groups for no reason, try to get me in trouble at work, try to get me evicted from my home… anyway, you name it and these zombie f*cks have either done, or tried to do it to me, and they have been treating me like this since high school. Nice job confirming my already low opinion of you guys! Sometimes I hate humanity with a purple passion. I frequently fantasize about getting my money and building a house out in the middle of the woods, a shack out in the middle of the desert or even buying an island out in the middle of the ocean to live on. A perfect ending to that fantasy would be civilization incinerating in a nuclear flash right after I did that.
So, for all the above reasons I think the wisest thing I can do is turn my back on the world. This is a pretty sh*tty deal I’ve been given and nobody even asked me to agree to it. As I’ve said before, these assholes should have just left me the fuck alone to live my own life. Fucking up everything I’ve ever tried to do while promising to give me a lot of money once I’m old and my best years are all behind me is an unbelievably crappy deal and I’d never have agreed to it. I’ve always been creative and I’m reasonably intelligent so I’d doubtlessly have done pretty well for myself. Sh*t, I’d probably have had lots of grandchildren by now. But no, these people saw an opportunity to not only make serious money for themselves but use me for propaganda purposes, so, of course, what I wanted and what was good for me never even intruded on their nefarious plans.
One thing I worry about is that they never even had any intention of paying me at all and that’s why they wanted me dead. Anyway, even if that is true I still think that the smartest thing for me to do, considering my situation, is to stay out of trouble and leave the house as little as possible. It’s a sad life but it’s better than always being caught up in chaos and controversy. I especially need to avoid women. They already thrive on unnecessary drama to begin with but making matters worse is the fact that f*cking show encourages them to go nuts and start serious sh*t with me at every available opportunity so they can go on television and exaggerate everything, making me out to be the bad guy and vilifying me as much as possible, thereby inflaming the public against me even more than they already are. No thanks, I don’t need any more of that.
These people are Satanists, and Satan is the god of this world. There are two types of people in this wicked world, predator and prey. Although I’ve striven to disentangle myself as much as possible from worldly affairs they still see me as prey and are still coming after me. I have, per force, adopted a more philosophical and spiritual outlook on life. I’ve no choice but to drop out of the game since they’ve been stacking everything against me nearly all my life, and on top of that I was born into a train wreck to begin with. Since I am not a masochist I see no point in tasseling with the status quo. I have no resources or friends to help me anyway and lawyers won’t even talk to me. Even what few relatives I have left began acting extra strangely towards me once I figured all this out, especially my sister. I guess she was counting on getting all the money that should have gone to me once I self-destructed. Once I found out what was going on and started getting myself back together I suppose she saw her potential millions sprout wings and fly away out the window and hated me for it.
These Satanists, by burying themselves in the toxic quagmire of this sphere, are only condemning themselves to hundreds, if not thousands of additional years of mortal suffering. They may never be able to move beyond increasingly more miserable incarnations. They perpetually lust after power and all the tainted pleasures of this world. They have made themselves into earthbound monsters. Even if I should be fortunate enough to live long enough to find myself fairly compensated for my years of suffering I needn’t contemplate scheming any kind of worldly revenge on any of them since they are harming themselves worse than I ever could. Besides, living well is indeed the best revenge possible. If I am financially compensated for all the pain and suffering they’ve caused me I can enjoy the money all the more knowing that I didn’t have to hurt anyone to get it. The only person who was hurt was myself and that’s okay since I can take it. Once this is all over I’ll have all the tapes watched as I’m very curious about a lot of things. For instance, based on things I’ve heard people say over the years I suspect they’ve had cameras in my bedroom since I was pretty young. If they did that’s pretty rank, but I’d like to see the old footage of me drawing at my desk during my teens after I dropped acid and my work really started to take off. Also I used to make tape recordings that I lost a long time ago. If they broadcast those I’d like to hear them again. Also I’ll be very interested in hearing all the lies and inappropriate things that people have been saying about me through the years and who said them. It’s good to know who your friends and enemies really are.
Seriously though, what demented asshole thought this would be good idea for a “reality” show anyway? There’s no way something like this won’t be abused by the maladjusted, power hungry losers making it. You simply can’t do a show like this about a person while they are trying to make their way in the world and it not impact them negatively. This fact is so obvious that the only conclusion we can come to is that the whole purpose of this production was always to f*ck me up. It gives these sociopaths what they live for, the ability to play god over someone and have absolute power over them. It’s not even got anything to do with thier imposing there “morality” on me or the viewers considering one of their favorite things to do is set me up behind the scenes to intentionally show me in a bad light and trip me up as much as possible. This whole perfidious production is nothing more than these creeps living out their sadistic fantasy of having the literal power of life and death over some random, unassuming schmuck. It’s all rather childish and quite silly. I can understand why these sick fucks would be so eager to work on a project like this, but I just can’t understand why they have been allowed to carry out this decidedly unhealthy project for nearly half a century and not a soul speak out against it. Again, I’m sure that has a lot to do with their obsession to portray me as unfavorably as possible, but even then I’m surprised that no one out there has the sophistication to subtract emotion from the equation and see that the whole concept behind this show is morally wrong.
I confess that I almost feel hatred towards not only the arrogant curs who have been making this perverse show but the feeble minded fools who watch it. I’d never watch a show like that. Maybe if I was strongly urged to I may sit through 15 minutes of it just to get a taste of it, but the truth is it’s a tacky production made by trashy people and I’d feel dirty if I watched any more of it. Naturally I have such contempt for those people that I have enjoyed mocking their manufactured, pre-packaged ideals. Any thing that a fool holds as precious is bound to be nothing but rubbish anyway.
People may say that a smarter way to handle this violation would be to try to make it work for me, to just do what legitimate celebrities do and work to ingratiate myself into the public’s good graces. Keep in mind that I already know from experience that would be impossible to do in my case. Official show business personalities have teams of professional people working for them advising them of what to do and say and they put stories in the media to build them up in the eyes of the public to maintain, and, if possible, increase their popularity. I don’t have anything like that, in fact I have the exact opposite of that. These clowns have been setting me up, denouncing and condemning me as thoroughly as they could since the eighties.
My thoughts are that if the public is incapable of thinking for themselves its silly of me to give a damn what they think of me. It would be a complete waste of time for me trying to win over the public. What I’d need to do if I wanted people to get off my back is appeal to the people actually putting that show together, but considering what rotten people they are I would find that a very distasteful task. Besides, they’ve already made it perfectly clear they want me dead. They’ve been doing everything in their power for nearly forty years to achieve that so it would be a waste of time trying to make friends with them at this point. They started this whole thing. They were the ones who declared war on a nine year old child and have been making his life hell ever since. Evidently the public isn’t bright enough to know that these people are in the propaganda business and that they have a million tricks to get them to think anything they want about anything.
These TV people are taking advantage of how vulnerable I am these days to use all their power and money to try and destroy me. They never wanted me to live long enough to get the money I’ve been promised,they’ve always used some gimmick to stir the public up against e and create a toxic environment for me. They have always been petty, jealous little people. Yes, things are pretty bad for me now but my job is actually pretty simple. All I have to do is survive. I only wish I knew how much longer I’ll have to wait until this is over and I’m finally safe from these deranged reprobates.