Month: February 2019

“The Misfits: a study of sexual outsiders” by Colin Wilson:

Although the title implies that the book will take you on a seedy tour of the S&M scene, the homosexual underground and the secret lives of perverts you perhaps never even suspected exist, I admit I was a little disappointed to learn it was basically a history of erotic literature occasionally spiced up here and there with descriptions of these writers’ unorthodox sexual fixations and obsessions. Also it espouses the same theories that he put forward in his “Criminal History of Mankind, sans all the Julian Jaynes split-brain conjecture.

Most of what he says can be summed up by saying that “some people do weird things to heighten their sense of reality”. Also, as he does in “The Criminal History of Mankind”, he claims that people started to do increasingly strange sexual things once the habit of reading novels became established. In his book on crime he stated that the popular habit of reading fiction was what was inspiring people to commit stranger and stranger, as well as progressively more brutal, crimes (and not just sex crimes). These books make the case that once escaping through one’s imagination became common, people’s fantasy lives naturally grew more complex, and there comes a point when imagination alone becomes unsatisfying, so some people will attempt to bring their fantasies to life.

He starts by sharing his history with an extremely unorthodox individual he developed a sort of professional acquaintanceship with named Charlotte Bach, who was a very masculine looking woman from Hungary who had developed an odd theory that she was obsessed with which claimed that all men have a varying degree of the feminine in their make up and all women have a certain amount of masculine qualities as well, and that this is the driving force behind human evolution. It’s actually far more complicated than that, but trust me, its all nonsense anyway. Of course her mad ideas were passionately taken up by England’s LGBT community during the 1970s.

I don’t suppose it should surprise anyone that after “her” death it was discovered that “she” was actually a man who was only dressing up in women’s clothes. His real name was Karoly Hajdu. Colin found ‘her’ theory interesting and even publicized it occasionally in his work, but even he saw that ‘she’ was wrong. It did, however, get him thinking more deeply on the subject of atypical sexual habits.

After “her” death her lawyer sent Mr. Wilson a lot of xeroxes of her unpublished works that she wished him to see. There was lots of autobiographical stuff included, which gave him an intimate look into ‘her’ personal history.

Charlotte was originally a bit of a lady’s man. I’m sure you’re all familiar with the popular theory that excessive womanizing indicates that a man may be running from the realization that he is actually homosexual. He began his transvestite practises when a woman friend canceled a date with him. He had bought her a pair of silk stockings as a gift earlier that day. He thought they felt nice, so nice that he suddenly found himself possessed by a perverse notion to try them on. Well, needless to say that was the inauspicious start of the long and twisted road that lead to his eventually becoming a full time transvestite. Although Colin made it a point to mention that just because a man likes dressing up in women’s clothes it doesn’t mean he’s homosexual (Remember Ed Wood?) he does later admit that one evening after he and a colleague took Charlotte out to coffee he and his associate kissed “her” good night and “she” slipped them both a taste of tongue.

A very rare and very “normal” picture of Wilson with his children.

Colin then goes on the talk about the Marquis de Sade who as an adult had an adolescent mania for sex. Not content to merely possess someone through the sex act, he wanted nothing less than to suck them down to the dregs then crumple them up and toss their empty husk on to his rubbish heap. His extraordinary excesses eventually earned him a very long stay in the Bastille. Denied the ability to orchestrate the wild orgies he had come to live for he had to resort to creating them in writing. Not only was his writing deplorable (it is only the outdated use of language that lends it any charm at all), his tales come off as merely the frenzied fantasies of a sex starved teenager. He was freed a little early by an amazing stroke of luck called “The French Revolution”. It was his publication of these prison manuscripts that launched his literary career, such as it was.

De Sade was insatiable because he could never achieve complete satisfaction. Most well balanced adults know that sex is nice, but it’s not the only thing in life, certainly not the most important. The high peaks one ascends through bizarre sexual activity tend to bring with them disastrous side effects that only brings one down, lower and lower each time. De Sade was an extreme case, but his obsessions with perversions caused him to suffer an extreme loss of social status. If he wasn’t a nobleman he’d very likely been executed early on.

He was constantly trying to outdo himself, but he was, of course,  subject to the law of ever diminishing returns, much like a cocaine addict.

On page 92 in the 5th chapter entitled, “Rebel Angle”  he talks about Byron, who became an early 19th century rock star after the publication of the first two cantos of his epic poem, “Childe Harold”, where he talks about a world weary individual who went out of control, immersing himself in the pleasures of the flesh trying to nurse his broken heart. This work heralded what has come to be known as the Romantic movement.

“Childe Herold” had skyrocketed him to astronomical fame and he quickly found himself besieged by women clamoring to make his acquaintance. His lame leg and the coy look he gave women seems to have given him an irresistible allure, probably by activating their maternal instincts. He, being a very young man at the time, greedily helped himself to everything that had been made suddenly available to him, even though he evidently always displayed homosexual tendencies. Later on when he had settled on a favorite and made her his mistress he had her dress in men’s clothes whenever they went out. Eventually he not only indulged his homosexuality but even committed incest with one of his half sisters, leaving her with child. He was eventually exiled from England disgraced, however he eventually reanimated the love of his countrymen through his literary efforts and was deeply mourned when he died at 36 years of age.
This post is already longer than I originally intended, but then Colin painstakingly lists all the perversions of all the prominent Romantic poets, and shocking some of them were, even to my jaded 21st century ears. This was only because we don’t normally think of people in the old days as being very ‘kinky’. I guess for modern times they would be considered very tame, aside from the incest. Stuff like flogging and watching women urinate probably wouldn’t create such a heated scandal these days, unless you were the President of the United States something.

All in all I didn’t enjoy the book anywhere near as much as I thought I would, but don’t take this as a bad review, it’s probably because I read two of his books just previous so I was a little burned out on him. Reading authors is a lot like conversing with someone you know, even if they are highly intelligent, if you talk to them long enough they tend to get kind of repetitive.

In conclusion the impression I came away with is that exceptional people usually have a lot of very unusual quirks to their personalities. This is because powerful and successful people have huge egos and they don’t deny themselves anything. They are like spoiled children who insist on indulging all their desires and whims, no matter how trivial or bizarre they may be. It has been like this probably since the beginning.
What concerns me is that recently they have been trying to make these unusual proclivities popular among the rest of us. I know that in that weird show they use me in they were always trying to get me involved in weird sex and hard drugs, partly because I was in the public eye and they know people have a tendency to imitate what they see (typically, since I have come out against such activities they have been using some of my old escapades to shame and humiliate me. Fortunately one learns from one’s celebrity not to worry overmuch about what people think about you if only because envy brings out the worst in people).

Plainly the media actively encourages us to engage in all these hitherto taboo sex acts and other behaviors. As soon as one becomes passé we are encouraged to delve even deeper into the abnormal. Remember back when being gay was a big deal? Well, now you’re nothing unless you are a transsexual. Now that everybody is reasonably comfortable with that we can see that prepubescent drag queens have been much in the news lately.  Based on that I feel the next big thing they will be pushing will be pedophilia.

The thing with sex is it never delivers quite what it promises. Like chasing a mirage it invariably leads to disappointment. In fact, indulging in all these weird fetishes often leads to dire consequences. Nothing has changed since the days of de Sade. I thought we would have learned that lesson by now.


“Comic Books Exposed SEDUCTION of the Innocent Revisited” by John Fulce:

(My last couple of posts were constructed from notes and writings around a month old. I have been reconsidering much since then, but since I hate to see all that work go to waste I decided to post them and get them out of the way before working on new material)

I confess I stupidly bought this book by accident. I didn’t read the description very clearly and assumed it was the original “Seduction of the Innocent”, by Fredric Wertham, published in 1954, that sparked the public outrage against comic books that resulted in them cleaning up their act. Well, it turns out that book is presently a very rare collectors item and very expensive. They did reissue a new edition of it a few years ago, but at $40 it’s more than I can comfortably afford these days.  Obviously the comic book industry has since slipped back into its old habits, and with a vengeance. This book about the new and improved degeneracy in comics was published in 1990 by a Christian comic book collector who has his own comic book shop. In the eighties he found himself growing concerned over how smutty even main stream comics were becoming, and since the publishers were ignoring his letters regarding this alarming trend he decided to write and publish a book about it to expose his accusations to public scrutiny.  I admit I’m glad I did get it since it emphasizes a lot of my own concerns regarding the modern media.

Now I can already hear the collective cry of man children all over the country denouncing me for encouraging censorship. This is unfair. As an artist I have created more than my share of risqué and titillating pictures, but for an adult audience. Here lies the crux of the matter. It is predominantly children who read comic books, many of them very young children and I don’t care what any body says, children are profoundly affected by what they see in the media. I know I was. Even if I didn’t act on much of it I found myself dwelling excessively on any powerful or unusual image I saw, or any weird stories I read or heard. They had a very strong influence on my fantasy life. I guess I’m a more cerebral person than average, but a lot of people are much more action oriented, so it’s not hard to see how a child that watches a lot of violent behavior on TV or reads it in comics will likely become more violent himself. In today’s more casual households where there is no positive male role model in the picture more often than not that’s exactly whats going to end up happening. No one can deny that children are much more violent today. They also use much coarser language and are engaging in sexual activity much earlier. Any one who denies that the media has no hand in all this is a fool. Sure, society itself does affect art, but it’s undeniable that art also affects society, and this mutual snowballing is not only resulting in more crass and brutal art, it’s already making the world we live in progressively more crass and brutal.

The author points out that, according to statistics, in 1980-1985 morals in the US were actually improving in all areas, so the media responded to that by doubling down on the degeneracy and immorality. Comic books became noticeably more depraved during this time period.

1986 study by Linda S. Lichter, S. Robert Lichter and Stanley Rothman took a survey of people they considered to be ‘the media elite’, people who make all the major decisions in television and programing, and, what a remarkable coincidence, all their own opinions and attitudes line up almost perfectly with what many people today have come to term “the liberal agenda”. So, of course they don’t have a very high opinion of religion, particularly Christianity. They also think adultery, homosexuality and drug use are perfectly okay, so naturally they don’t have any traditional ‘family values’ of which to speak. I can’t help but wonder if any of them are even married. I mean, why would they bother? Most of these media moguls were also atheists. I don’t mean to say all atheists are immoral because I know that isn’t true, but, although the media is always portraying Christian people, and especially Christian leaders, as base hypocrites, the fact is that nonreligious people are much more likely to be morally lax, if only because most of the people they associate with are.

Two out of three of these people openly state that entertainment should be a guiding force in social reform, so clearly they feel it is their mission to mold society according to their own ideas of right and wrong. Since they are sworn enemies of Christianity the code of conduct they are promoting will be the antithesis of the moral code that predominated back in the 1950s when television was just starting to pick up momentum. This explains why, when all the ‘work’ they did on the public psyche since the mid sixties started to unravel in the early 80s they felt obligated to start pushing even harder in the direction they wanted everyone to go.

Also keep in mind that all the different mediums are always competing with each other, trying to outdo one another’s efforts. If a particularly gruesome movie comes out and shows itself to be very popular with young people, the comics industry will try to create something even more disturbing, thereby enriching the new genre. Then, of course, the next movie will try and out-gross the comic, on and on. Look at how big the whole zombie craze has become since “Night of the Living Dead” came out in 1968. Also I’m sure everyone notices how much gorier they have become over the years.

Some scenes from “Swamp-Thing” from 1988 when Alan Moore was writing for it. Remember, the Swamp-Thing as basically a thousand pound animated pile of mud, slime and decomposing plant and animal matter. Here we see “him” and his girlfriend enjoying a, umm, “romantic” interlude in the swamp.

Even as far back as 1990 the days where the community could take legal and civil action against vendors who sold such material were long over. Back when the comics code authority started in 1955 the public’s concerns were taken very seriously. Now days most parents just feel overwhelmed by everything that’s going on. They feel impotent to take any kind of action against it. They feel they no longer even have a voice so they pretty much just turn a blind eye to what their children are reading and watching. The publishers, film makers and programmers know they now have a free hand and they take full advantage of it and are slowly but firmly pushing the morals of tomorrow’s generations down into the gutter.

On page 76 there begins the chapter called, “Anti-Christian Bias”, which actually seems to be the most important chapter since it seems to be the source of all the other messages they put in comic books. It doesn’t matter whether or not you are yourself a Christian, clearly all the morals that allowed our civilization to flourish originated in Christian teachings. Since the media is so maniacally anti-Christian (and pro-Satan) it pretty much explains why they push pre-marital sex, kinky sex, gay sex, gratuitous violence, profanity, vulgarity, black magick, drinking, drugs, dishonesty, and just general immorality. You may be cynical of Christianity, and I can understand that, the history of the church has been a bloody one, but all major religions have violence in their history (even Buddhism), same as all nations and many organizations, but the moral code Christianity promotes works. Only an idiot doesn’t want to live in an honest, harmonious and peaceful society. The media makes much of cases where disturbed people have beat up homosexuals in the name of ‘decency’, but we call people who assault fellow citizens outside the law “criminals” for a reason. Events like these doesn’t mean we should promote or “celebrate” such a dangerous life style, and I’m not even talking about AIDS. Active homosexuals rarely live until 50. Also they are very emotionally troubled, and this has nothing to do with society’s attitudes towards them. Even in San Francisco where anyone who even criticizes homosexuality would be ostracized and likely ran out of town, depression, suicide and drug abuse among them is very common. I don’t ‘hate’ homosexuals. I honestly don’t care about their personal lives. I’ve known a lot of them, and if you talk to any of them long enough it will come out that at their core they are not frightfully happy or pleased with themselves. Maybe its just the ones I’ve known. Anyway it doesn’t matter, I was just using homosexuality as an example but I could just as easily have used drug addicts, habitual drunkards, greedy people, or violent people just to name a few. Any kind of excess is ultimately unhealthy. I probably used homosexuality because that and transsexualism are so much in the news lately. I guess that’s another example of the media pushing anti-Christian values. LOL

Of course most of this is promoted through the behavior of role models, at least they used to be considered role models from the 1930s-1970s. Now these “heroes” only seem to set bad examples. I remember it was in the 70s some time that they started creating ‘antiheroes’. They were weird, but relatively harmless. One that I used to like was “Deathlok”. He was basically a rotten corpse preserved by having formaldehyde rather than blood circulating through him. He was also part machine. Obviously they were hopping on the “Six Million Dollar Man” bandwagon. It was a very popular TV show at the time. Deathlok also has a computer in his brain that helps him plan missions and moves. That was actually considered pretty weird and disturbing back in 1975. I seem to recall he occasionally hunted people for personal reasons, if so, the moral ambiguity was starting to creep in even back then, but at least he didn’t have sexual orgies with creepy nymphomaniac necrophiliacs like these kinds of characters will be doing ten years later, but clearly you can see how they had to ease this kind of thing in.

Long before I began to learn about society, what’s happening to it and why, I was very sensitive to, I don’t know what to call it, the ‘psychic energy’ exuded by certain places, things, and even people. For instance, back in the late 70s and early 80s, I always picked up on a very disturbing, almost nauseating vibe that emanated from adult book stores or any other type of ‘sex shop’. I also noticed a disorienting force radiating out of comic book stores. It was nowhere as intense as it was in places where hardcore pornography was sold, but it struck me as weird enough to make me somewhat uncomfortable. I seem to have lost that ability in the intervening thirty or so years so I can now only speculate about what it was, exactly, that I was picking up on. It very well may have been some kind of spiritual decay. Maybe it was the accumulated residue of angst left behind by lost souls?

“A Criminal History of Mankind” by Colin Wilson:

Just read Colin Wilson’s magnum opus, “A Criminal History of Mankind”, all 670 pages of it. Among my chief complaints about it is the fact he considers ancient warfare and the excesses of early emperors as criminal, and though one would have to agree that much of it is, it makes most of the book read exactly like your average world history textbook. I know that while growing up one of his favorite books was H.G.Wells “Outline of History” (I too found a copy of it around the house that I read back when I was in the 6th grade) and it’s plain it has left a lasting impression on him. You know I love history but I have to admit it was a little tedious following the entire rise of civilization all over the world for the past 10,000 years when you were all set for a concentrated dose of tasteless depravity.
Near the beginning he devoted a lot of time discussing Julian Jaynes‘ theory on the origin of the “spit mind”(The left side of the brain is responsible for performing tasks that have to do with logic. The right hemisphere performs tasks that have to do with creativity and the arts). I know from some of his other books that he is very taken with this theory and he’s constantly referring to it throughout his books. It says that before man’s brain split into the right and left hemisphere he didn’t think the way we think now, rather he actually heard his thoughts as a voice from elsewhere, the way schizophrenics hear voices telling them to do things, only, according to this theory, our ancestors heard this voice as “the voice of God”. Personally, though it’s a creative theory I am unconvinced that it could be true. While illustrating this theory he mentions that all the great apes recognize their own reflections, except gorillas which, according to him, have a brain that’s not bisected down the middle like the other apes, so, if this duality of consciousness exists in chimps and orangutans I think its silly to assume that it didn’t exist in early man. Maybe I misunderstood what he said? I don’t know, but its a huge book and I don’t relish the idea of trying to find that part of it now.
It’s not until page 413 that he gets to what we traditionally recognize as official criminal activity. Around 1735 a book seller named John Osborne published a book called “Lives of the Most Remarkable Criminals” . He as obviously indulging in cheap sensationalism when he wrote the title as it seems most of the crimes are garden variety stuff and the criminals would seem common enough to us today. One of the more interesting cases was that of Catherine Hayes who was dissatisfied with her husband, an old money-lender, so the 35-year-old Catherine took on two teenage boys as lovers, then started scheming with them to kill her husband and get their hands on his fortune, fifteen hundred pounds, a considerable sum way back then. After cracking his head open with a hatchet and cutting up the rest of the body, they put it in a trunk and then threw it in a pond. The head they tossed into a nearby river, but at low tide, so it was quickly found and eventually recognized. One of the boys confessed. Both boys were hung while she was burned alive since a wife murdering her husband was considered petty treason in those days.
One interesting thing I learned a little later in the book was that Daniel Defoe originally printed political tracts. Of course, because of his jagged personality he was always getting into serious trouble by slandering the rich and famous. It was while he was serving time for one of these debacles that he made a deal with the powers that be promising that if they released him he would become a spy for them. Since he was well-known to a lot of shady types they thought it could be a profitable venture so they agreed, released him and gave him money with which to hire a network of informers to work under him. According to Wilson he originated the police state. Also, hundreds of years before the Internet, he was the first paid shill. He mixed with influential people and through his conversations with them, guided their opinions to the conclusions desired by his employers. He used this technique on government ministers in Scotland and he was responsible, through such means, of helping to unify Scotland and Britain, thereby creating Great Britain in 1707. He wasn’t an exceptionally loyal spy though, since he was always looking out for his own interests first and foremost. He was what we call a double agent, working both sides of the street at once. Evidently this was very profitable and it was only after a couple of very close shaves that he decided to retire from the espionage racket and started writing books. One would imagine that the proceeds off of “Robinson Crusoe”, “Moll Flanders” and his other best sellers should have kept him rather comfortable for the rest of his days, but apparently he failed in a couple of business ventures and didn’t like to pay his bills so he was always on the run trying to stay one step ahead of his creditors.

                                                Could Colin Wilson actually be Jewish?

Since the book was published in the mid eighties he makes some mistakes because lots of information just wasn’t as easily accessible back then. There’s an entire page on the Leo Frank case where he claims a black employee at his pencil factory actually murdered little Mary Fagan, but that the town was so outraged and tired of lynching blacks that only the blood of a Jew would satiate them. Ridiculous since, especially back then, Jews who lived in the South did their best to assimilate and become useful members of the community, so actually southerners were considerably less antisemitic at the time than anywhere else in the country. Anyway now that the transcripts from the trial are available online and you can plainly see he was as guilty as hell. He basically confessed at least twice by admitting he was where the murder was committed at the time it was committed, but of course he opted to make himself unavailable for cross-examination. This was an option which was available to him, though most people wouldn’t take advantage of it since it just looks bad. Besides, it wouldn’t be necessary assuming you had nothing to hide.
Now days we know that Jack the Ripper was a Jewish immigrant from Poland. Unfortunately, even in these days of the Internet this information is just buried on Google under links that advertise such claims as, “Were the Jack the Ripper murders just an elaborate antisemitic frame up?”. Anyway I prefer to believe Colin did the best he could with what was available to him at the time, but the more of his work I read the more I think he was a bit of a shill himself. Too bad since he was obviously pretty bright. I think it’s a shame he let his work become so indelibly marred by pushing certain narratives. One needs to be unbiased and open-minded when studying history otherwise its lessons will not be revealed to you. His pushing of the worldview he felt would please his publishers best could get pretty tedious if you know better. For instance he blames the defeat of Russia in the Russo-Japanese war on Russian bureaucrats being so crooked that they pocketed money earmarked for the military so they had to fight with outdated and defective weapons. Though this may or may not be true he doesn’t even allude to the fact that they lost largely because Jewish money lenders denied them credit while keeping an open purse while dealing with the Japanese. Clearly Jewish bankers wanted Russia to lose, but you’d never guess that based on Colin’s text.
Earlier in the book he mentions how the industrial revolution brought more people than ever before into cities where, predictably, robbery and petty theft became a serious problem. This problem was quelled with the creation of the British police force in 1829 by Sir Robert Peel. Unfortunately a strange thing started happening as the habit of reading novels caught on with the general public in the mid-nineteenth century. At this time we start seeing more brutal and senseless sex crimes and murders committed for their own sake. It seems that as people’s fantasy lives become more active some people lose touch with reality altogether at some point. This is a problem that only got worse with the advent of motion pictures, and insanely out of hand with television in the 1950s, and now even worse with the advent of video games. Clearly the increase in school and church shootings can be attributed to the popularity of shooter video games. Given this I almost dread the coming of virtual reality.

Truth be Told…


I had sort of a crisis this morning. I’ve long complained that I never signed a contract with these people but what was freaking me out particularly is that I don’t even have a copy of any contract in my possession. Since I have no documentation I have no idea how I could ever be paid. I certainly can’t rely on their honesty and business ethics.

They certainly owe me, and owe me substantial considering that their thorough slander campaign has been going on since I was in grade school and has completely devastated any life they ever allowed me to build up in the first place. On top of this they have stolen all my work. Everything I have ever written or drawn, and used it to make money for themselves, and they do all this openly out in public. At the same time they have made it impossible for me to get so much as a penny for myself out of my efforts. Because of their unethical use of the airwaves I can’t get any kind of work, let alone anything creative.

Anyway I then speculated about a bunch of reasons why I will likely get paid eventually, like maybe the money is supposed to come to me from an investment my grandfather made for me, or maybe the contracts and paperwork for all this business are in the hands of a disinterested third party or firm, and besides, everybody knows about this damned show so the public will naturally take if for granted that I’m to be paid at some point. In fact I imagine they must have given a date for this payday at some point in the broadcast, but again, my ‘imagination’ is no substitute for a legally binding contract actually in my possession.

I am forced to speculate and imagine a lot about this business since I am routinely lied to by everyone.
For instance I have always imagined that after it’s finally over they will milk more drama out of the situation by confronting me with a condensed presentation of this series on camera, to get my reaction and, I suppose, to try and shame me with a catalog of my supposed offences and crimes. Kind of like an evil version of the old TV show, “This is your Life”, but again, this is only my imagination talking. I got the idea from that “This Was your Life” religious tract that I’m pretty sure was planted for me to find in the desk in my family’s living room back when I was nine or ten years old. It’s a logical deduction considering the overall bizarreness of this situation, but the fact remains that I don’t really have any idea how this is supposed to end.

I do know that they want to get rid of me and that they’ve been trying to get me to do that for them for quite some time now. In fact I was recently thinking about the whole debacle where Dana Brownfield (the director of this hellish fiasco) rendered me homeless back in 2007 and now I’m convince that that wasn’t necessarily the most desired outcome of her luring me into her home back in 2003. The only reason things may have ended that way was because I was very upset when I began to realize that her entire property was bugged and I said I should smash her computer and I even pushed the tower dramatically, not enough to tip it over, but just to emphasize my point. Yes, the place was definitely bugged so she both saw and heard the entire performance. The very next day she unexpectedly burst into my room in the basement with that fat lout friend of hers “Robert” and started boxing up all my things. Mysteriously, even though they could have thrown me out that very night she announced that I could stay another day. A very weird and seemingly counterproductive decision since she wanted me out of there ASAP. I could never figure it out why she did that. It certainly wasn’t out of any kind of generosity, but then I remembered something that I had long ago forgotten because it made no sense to me at the time. I heard her telling fatso upstairs that she gave me another day, then I heard some mumbling, then one of them, I can’t remember which, said, “…and hopefully it will be his last!”. “Of course it will be my last”, I thought, “I don’t see how I can possibly continue to stay here once they kick me out and change all the locks!”. Remember, through Anne Hunt she had, again, got me involved with hard drugs. I honestly think she was hoping that I, depressed at the prospect of being thrown out of my home when I had no friends and absolutely nowhere to go, would take refuge in more drugs than usual and OD. Of course dying on her property would create a certain amount of annoyances and inconveniences for her, but what an awesome way for them to end that decades old series of theirs, me actually dying of a drug overdose on camera! I’m sure she thought she’d go down in television history for all time ending their long running series like that! It would just wrap everything up so neatly! They could edit it into a motion picture and even take the moral high ground by promoting its decidedly “anti-drug” message! (Never mind that it was they who intentionally got me involved with drugs in the first place!) Also I wouldn’t be around to accuse or contradict them concerning anything said about or done to me on that show.

They’d have absolute and complete control over that entire narrative for all time, after all, that’s the eternal wet dream of today’s media.

I don’t suppose anyone should be surprised that she once confessed to me that she had political asperations. She’d fit right in!

“Ritual in the Dark” by Colin Wilson


Although all the promotional material I’ve read stated that C. Wilson wrote this book at 17 or 18, that’s actually somewhat deceptive, apparently, since I’ve also read that he rewrote it at least twice since the original draft he penned in his notebooks in 1950. He revised it for its initial publication in 1955 when he was riding the wave of his newfound celebrity after being showered with praise from Britain’s literary world following the publication of his first book, “The Outsider”. Then, still not being entirely happy with it, he edited it again for republication in 1960. Since the copy I read was published in the 1970s its safe to assume it was this final draft that I read.

Despite all the hype it doesn’t deliver quite the stomach churning morbid gruesomeness that the advertisements and reviews seem to promise. It’s actually a very “British” book, so it’s very polite and inoffensive. The story focuses on an aspiring writer, Gerard Sorme, who gets acquainted with a homosexual named Austin Nunne while attending a Nijinsky exhibit in London. His new friend is very wealthy, bored and somewhat jaded. We later find out that he is a person of interest in an international investigation concerning a series of particularly sadistic murders. What I find odd about this is since Nunne is so unapologetically homosexual it seems unusual that nearly all his victims have been women. Although the book suggests this may be the result of some dynamic between him and his mother, and resentment towards women in general, I confess I don’t know enough about abnormal psychology to know how common this sort of thing is. I would imagine that since gays are attracted to the same gender that their sex crime victims would all be men or boys. His first murder, the one that first brought him to the attention of the police, was a male prostitute he met in Germany, yet he focused exclusively on women after that, committing most of his subsequent homicides in Jack the Ripper’s old stomping grounds, Whitechapel.

The main character, Gerard, is obviously modeled after the author, so he is portrayed as fiercely heterosexual. This is underscored by the fact that, later on in the the book, he seduces two of Austin’s female relations, his middle-aged aunt, who is a Jehovah’s Witness, and her 16-year-old niece, Not quite in that order, though that’s how most people would assume it happened.

colin wilson 1

Colin Wilson and his wife. 1956

The book was engaging and pleasurable to read, but we don’t really learn much about what motivates these thrill killers. Also, what I found annoying was that he spent a lot of time conflating sadistic serial murderers with German National Socialists in World War two. I guess that’s to be expected since it was originally written in the early 50s when all that war-time propaganda would still be fresh in people’s minds. Maybe it’s because the modern mind has been deluded with so much propaganda designed specifically to keep people asleep and in the dark that we can’t seem to solve many of our most basic  social problems and everything has been getting progressively worse for the past 80 years.

Also, as a side note he also meets a painter through Austin who was emotionally involved with a thirteen year old girl. Near the end of the book it was revealed that he never molested her sexually, but, since it was the mid fifties one had to tread rather lightly around the topic of pedophilia. I like Wilson’s work despite the fact he tried to perpetuate a lot of the stuff the elites were pushing at the time. He was obviously very intelligent and knew what he had to do to get ahead. He knew what his publishers wanted. Nobody ever goes broke appealing to people’s prurient interests, but what’s ironic is his career was quickly threatened by a sort of sex scandal even as he was bathing in the initial glow of the international renown his first published book had earned him. Seemed he had a notebook in which he was recording his ideas for another book on sex murders he was preparing to write and this book was found by his mistress’ father who went to the police with it. Later, not long afterwards, someone stole all his private notebooks and journals and sold them to some newspapers, who had an absolute field day with the material they provided, printing a lot of excerpts from them, entirely taken out of context, of course. Because of my own life experience I can totally sympathize with the humiliation he underwent because of that incident. Mine is much worse actually and goes on till this day, so let me rephrase that: if he were still alive he may have some idea of what I am forced to go through.

Even though Wilson frequently deals with sensational topics I still like his work since it is so well researched and I can tell that the subject matter genuinely interests him, intellectually, of course. Though he didn’t manage to answer too deeply any serious questions I may have had about serial killers he does a pretty good job of it in some of his later works.

A full list of all his published works are available on his Wikipedia page.