Month: March 2019

“Aleister Crowley- The Nature of the Beast” by Colin Wilson:

Wilson stoutly disagrees with the Crowley disciple who wrote of him in the Oxford student magazine, “Isis”, that his ‘ideals are noble his honor stainless and his life devoted wholly to the service of mankind’. Wilson thinks, and not without ample reason, that Crowley was a selfish and horrible human being, but he is honest insofar as he is willing to give credit where credit is due and admits he had phenomenal will power and a profound understanding of true Magick.

Although he was popularly despised during his lifetime and forced to suffer under the epithet, “the wickedest man in the world”, and his religion and system of magic “Thelema” (Crowleyanity) originally found expression in seedy cults and underground organizations during the first half of the twentieth century, it has since grown to be the official religion of today’s power elites and he himself has himself become a cultural icon.

According to Crowley Magick is the Science and Art of causing Change to occur in conformity with the Will. This is his central definition of Magick.

Wilson surmises that feelings of futility and apathy come from feeling trapped in the external world and that true freedom results from a descent into oneself. There we can experience states of mind in which syncronicities will occur, and this indicates that there is a element of Magick in everyday living that Crowley had managed to tap into. He seemed to have the power that Jung referred to as ‘active imagination’, which is the power to dive into the subconscious mind and see visions, which is the power that followers of the Kabbalah cultivate and is frequently mentioned in books on the practice of Magick.

Crowley was a very skilled magician. His curses invariably worked, and those he hexed were sure to suffer dire misfortune. He was able to affect people’s behavior, and even personalities through a form of telepathic hypnosis, inducing them to be agreeable and magnanimous towards him, or even, as related in the book, made to act like crazed lunatics, or even dogs.

I can certainly relate to Crowley having to live under the black cloud of negative publicity, even though in his case he largely brought it on himself, while mine is directly attributable to contrived tabloid television drama, theatrics and behind the scenes interference. Even though his is richly deserved I did feel sympathy for him since I know from personal experience how small and petty people generally are. Media defamation seems to magnify this natural tendency of theirs to intolerable proportions. Fortunately for him he had his personal magnetism with which to attract women and followers to himself despite all the media madness that swirled around him everywhere he went. The women he attracted he dominated completely, and usually, after he left them, they became alcoholic wrecks and literally drank themselves to death.

As with most larger than life characters it can be almost impossible to separate fact from legend. His last mistress tells us that the second he died the curtains blew outward and there was a violent peal of thunder. She speculated that it could have been God welcoming his soul. I’m sure most would assume, if, in fact this actually happened at all and signified anything, that it was most likely the devil consigning his spirit to the lake of fire.

All in all, though its a very short book (168 pages pages) it was a very satisfying read and had much more substance to it than the other book on Crowley that I read, “The Beast” by Daniel Mannix, which was mostly lurid sensationalism. You shouldn’t have any trouble finding an affordable copy of it, especially if you follow the link provided below. I heartily recommend it. Five out of four stars.

Aleister Crowley The Nature of the Beast

“The Moonstone” by Wilkie Collins:

Often said to be the first detective novel ever (though agreement on this is hardly unanimous), it is also said to be Wilkie Collins’s best book, along with his “The Woman in White”. It is an epistolary novel, meaning it is composed of a series of documents (letters, newspaper articles, journal entries, official reports and the like). This was a very popular literary device at the time, and very effective if done right. This work is constructed from testimonials penned by various characters in the story describing important things they’ve seen and noticed about the theft and the curious circumstances and events surrounding it.
The “Moonstone” of the title is a very large diamond stolen from the forehead of the Hindu moon-god, Chandra, by an officer in the British army, Colonel Herncastle, in the siege of Seringapatam. Of course the stolen gem has a curse associated with it. Herncastle is considered the black sheep in his family and is routinely shunned by both society and his own relatives. Whether as a gesture of good will or an act of petty revenge, at his death he wills the hexed stone to his niece, Rachel Verinder, on her 18th birthday. Immediately some Indian priests, the hereditary guardians of the stone, show up at the family residence on the day of her party and the stone goes missing that very evening. Of course these Hindus are the primary suspects initially.

The first couple hundred pages are composed of a narrative by the head servant of the household where the birthday party took place, Gabriel Betteredge. In it we are familiarized with the basic facts of the mystery. In the morning after the party, when the jewel is found missing, Rachel’s cousin, Franklin Blake, calls in the police, but, curiously, Rachel refuses to cooperate with the police’s inquiries. Of course each subsequent narrative only serves to deepen the mystery. Later on in the book we find that Rachel Verinder actually saw Franklin Blake steal into her room in the dead of night to abstract the prized diamond from the cupboard where she hid it, so Rachel’s refusal to be interviewed by the detectives was not an indication that she was trying to perpetrate a fraud, rather she was attempting to shield her cousin from scandal.

The second narrative was written by a poor relation and a zealous Christian. Of course Collins goes out of his way to represent her as an obnoxious fool. This makes sense when we recall that Collins was a high level Mason, as was his mentor Charles Dickens. Clearly the social engineering being done by these secret societies has been going on for a very long time by now since “The Moonstone” was published in 1868. There are also many attempts to amend public attitudes about various fundamental prejudices throughout his work. One of the most obvious attempts along this line focus on the local physician, Mr. Thomas Candy, and his medical assistant, Ezra Jennings. Though Jennings is a swarthy half cast and therefore made a negative impression on people anywhere he went in England, he was portrayed as the only competent medical man who assisted his employer when he got deathly ill after catching a chill on his way home after Rachel’s party. The two other British doctors who attended him nearly killed him, but Ezra was able to bring him back to life with his medical knowledge and common sense. After Mr. Candy recovers from his attack he is not the same man as before as he has lost much of his memory and medical knowledge during his fever, and Jennings, per force, basically takes over his (vastly diminished) practice afterwards once Mr. Candy’s wealthier clients have lost their faith in him and went on to patronize other local doctors.

In the course of the story it is revealed that Mr. Candy took the liberty of doing something of questionable ethics by secretly giving Mr. Franklin Blake a dose of Laudanum after Mr. Blake cast aspersions on his profession at the party. This was done in an effort to prove that Mr Blake’s comment at the gathering that medicine was basically the same as “groping in the dark” was spoken in ignorance. Mr Blake complained of sleeplessness from giving up the practice of smoking, and the laudanum was to prove to Mr. Blake that medicine often provided the most practical solution to physical complaints. Ezra hears his employer confess to this prank while he is rambling on in a delirium as he was attending him in his sick bed. It then becomes obvious that Mr. Blake, who was in his mind obsessing over the safety of the gem, took the gem out of the cabinet, intending to put it in some safer place while in an opium induced trance. They now have solved the mystery of who stole the gem and why, but the mystery remained concerning its present whereabouts.

As it turns out the solution to what became of the gem rested in the theory that when one did something that strays from normal habits while under the influence of certain drugs, even if they are done unconsciously in a state of blackout, they are best recalled while under the effects of that same substance. An experiment, proposed by Ezra Jennings, to reproduce, as close as possible Mr Blake’s experiences after the party, was initiated in hopes of finding out what became of the stone. Of course this relied on Mr Blake being supplied with another dose of laudanum. I’ve already revealed too much about this story so I’ll say no more about the ultimate solution to this literary enigma.

I myself can attest to the truth of this phenomenon. As you know if you’ve been reading my posts for a while, the people behind that television show went to great lengths for years to place me in close proximity to hard drugs and hard drug users. It should come as no surprise to anyone that a combination of having these drugs easily available and the generally depressing circumstances of my life due to my being exploited without pay since I was a child by those media people, resulted in my using these drugs. While high I liked to stay busy and I produced a lot of art. When I had the epiphany that these TV people intentionally led me to drugs and were making it difficult for me to quit (I was routinely treated with the most shocking rudeness and inhospitality imaginable whenever I showed up at 12 step meetings), I determined to quit entirely on my own. It wasn’t easy since I was on so many different drugs, but truly wanting something can make difficult goals more easily attainable so I was able to do it. However I found I could no longer draw so well anymore. I knew that if I got a little high it would all come back to me, but considering all the trouble I had to go through to get those vices out of my life I wasn’t exactly eager to flirt with that morass of misery again. The fact I don’t draw anymore is why I’m reading so much these days, and also why I started to try and learn how to write.

While traditional hauntings can plague a property for centuries, poltergeists are of much shorter duration, seldom lasting more than six months and, also different from conventional supernatural infestations, they are usually associated with a medium.

In this book Colin Wilson sets out to explain what poltergeists actually are. As he usually does he starts off by naming and describing various related phenomenon, in this case multiple personality disorder, reincarnation, psychokinesis and traditional hauntings. He establishes that poltergeist phenomena differs fundamentally from traditional hauntings, which will often consist of an intensely emotional event from a person’s life being played over and over again as if in a tape loop, or even something as simple as a sense of some malicious unseen presence occupying a particular property. Poltergeists are considered to be some kind of mischievous spirit, some sort of supernatural entities which seem to enjoy creating chaos wherever they exist.

On the progression of poltergeist phenomena he quotes Guy Playfair, noted British writer on parapsychology, who says:

“You always get them in the same order. You don’t get puddles of water before stone throwing, and you don’t get fires before raps. So that there is a predictable behavior pattern. They appear to be random to us, but they’re obeying some sort of rules that they understand, even if we don’t”

What can we say about these rules?

“We can say there is a source of energy. There has to be, because physical work is being carried out, and since it’s being carried out in our space and our dimension, then it has to obey at least some of the laws of mechanics”.

One interesting point that is brought up is that most places these incidents occur are either ancient religious sites or places which were later built over such sites. In Europe Christian churches frequently occupy sites that were originally places of pagan worship. Many ancient places of worship, it has been proved, are built on “leylines”, or lines of “earth force” which are powerful sources of magnetism. Nodal points along such lines seem to concentrate this magnetism in high degrees, so it is theorized that this is why this supernatural activity is frequently focused at such places. Poltergeists are frequently found in old churches and monasteries. “Stone monuments” such as Stonehenge are built on such  nodal points. Although they are commonly referred to as “monuments” today, since their original purpose has been long forgotten, they seem at one time to have been holy sites which were also evidently also used for astronomical observations and possibly predicting solar and lunar eclipses.

It seems to require a bit more energy to activate poltergeist activity than even these sites commonly provide, however, which is why a medium usually needs to be involved. This will usually be a sexually frustrated woman or a girl entering puberty, or, less frequently, a boy undergoing adolescence.

According to this book such individuals frequently exude an ‘energy plasma’ from the pineal gland. One of this organ’s primary functions is the inhibiting of sexual hormones. If the pineal gland is damaged the patient will exhibit abnormal sexual development. This gland also seems to be involved with higher functions as well. It secretes serotonin. If the production of serotonin is halted or interrupted an individual becomes incapable of rational thought.

The theory goes that at around puberty it ceases to be merely a controlling apparatus and begins to actively supply the individual with sexual energy. When the child goes through this she needs to cultivate a creative outlet for all this sexual energy, so unless the teen gets heavily involved with athletic or sexual activity this energy would be available for these supernatural entities to make use of.

It is theorized that this excess energy, once it’s leaked, can then be utilized by an ‘elemental’. One theory opines that elementals are ‘thought forms’ which have somehow taken on lives of their own. Supposedly this is how such mythological creatures as elves, gnomes and other nature spirits come into existence.

Another theory the author puts forward is inspired by the occult philosophy of the kahunas, which are members of Hawaii’s shaman class. According to them there are three parts to the human soul. The lowest part is the most active and after death if this part remains earthbound it can exhibit a sort of mischievous personality.

Playfair says when these entities come upon the surplus energy they behave like unruly children who find an abandoned football lying in a field, they then kick it around upsetting things and possibly breaking a few windows until the energy is finally spent.

One curious fact about poltergeists is that they very rarely actually injure people and there is only one case on record where it’s possible one may have been responsible for someone’s death. The incident is known as “the Bell Witch Haunting” and occurred in Tennessee during the early 19th century. It happened on the farm of John Bell, where he lived with his wife and nine children. One of his daughters, Betsy, who was twelve at the time, seems to have been the medium in this instance. It began unremarkably enough at first, expressing itself by imitating the sounds of various, common animals like the flapping of a bird’s wings or the scratching of rats inside the walls. Eventually it worked its way up to more belligerent activities, like making an awful noise that sounded like two chained dogs having a fight, and making gasping and gulping noises that sounded like someone being strangled to death. Then it graduated to more physical activities, like throwing stones, snatching the covers off people’s beds when they were trying to sleep and upsetting the furniture. These things only happened when Betsy was around. This being eventually became powerful enough to utilize human speech and occasionally delighted in abusing Betsy, slapping her and pulling her by the hair on occasion, however, most of the time it seemed to express a fond affection for the whole family but it seemed to  hold a particular animosity towards John Bell.

Once, when John’s wife, Lucy, fell ill, it lamented, “Luce, poor Luce”, and dropped hazel nuts for her. Once, at Betsy’s birthday party, it said to her, “I have a surprise for you” and created a basket of fruit with oranges and bananas which it claimed came from the West Indies.

The poltergeist started off talking in a whisper which later developed into a regular speaking voice. When it began talking it would repeat excepts from various sermons given by local preachers but eventually moved on to swearing and using strong language, which seems a pretty common manner of speech for talking ghosts. It spoke with several voices. One of the earliest monologues given in it’s “normal” voice went, “I am a spirit who was once happy, but have been disturbed now I am now unhappy”. It also stated that it would torment John Bell and kill him in the end. It also claimed it was a dead Indian who’s ‘bones had been scattered’, and an old witch named Old Kate Batts. It’s other voices claimed to be those of the family, or ‘familiars’ of the witch. Their names were Blackdog, Mathematics, Cypocryphy, and Jerusalem. Each voice had its own distinct characteristics and they all sometimes indulged in debauches judging by their slurred speech and the stench of whiskey that filled the house on such occasions. This spirit also had a musical bent and frequently sang.

It also seemed to have a bizarre sense of humor. Once, when Betsy vomited after drinking some medicine, pins and needles came out of her, then the spirit shrieked that if she vomited again she’d have enough pins and needles to set up a shop.

The family also had a black female slave which the spirit didn’t seem particularly fond of and delighted in playing sadistic tricks on, like covering her head in a white foam that seemed like spittle.

As I said before, the ghost harbored a strong dislike for the head of the household and seems to have delighted in yanking his shoes off, then yanking them off again each time he put them on, and smacking him in the head and face with terrific force, over and over. This infernal creature tormented him relentlessly for three long years until one day he was so fatigued he took to his bed in a stupor and could not be revived. His son found a mysterious and partially empty bottle of dark liquid in their medicine cupboard. The witch reportedly said, “It’s useless for you to try to relieve old Jack- I’ve got him this time!” When asked about the medicine it said, “I put it there, and gave old Jack a dose last night while he was asleep, which fixed him.”

They tested the medicine on the family cat and it jumped, whirled around and then promptly died. John Bell himself died the very next day. Afterwards the spirit began to sing, “Row me up some brandy, O”.

If this entity was, in fact, responsible for the death of this farmer it’s the only recorded case of a ghost actually murdering a human being.

“Who Built the Moon?” by C. Knight and A. Butler:

After I read a description of this book, “Who Built the Moon“,  I quickly developed an itch to read it. I bought it on Ebay or Abebooks about a year ago but because of all the renovations that have gone on around here it spent nearly a year in storage. Recently I got severely depressed and since I was kind of sick of reading the same thing over and over again all the time I determined I’d attack it so maybe I could enjoy the dubious sense of accomplishment I’d get from forcing myself to do something at variance with my established habits and routine. I can’t say I was disappointed.

Since it deals with a lot of pretty esoteric type stuff I expected it to be much more opaque than it actually turned out to be. It wasn’t at all. It was actually written in an easily understood, light conversational tone.  I admit I can’t understand some of it, like how they use pendulums to create consistent units of length, time and volume, but that’s probably just the result of some holes in my education. I get the general idea.

I read an article online that tried to refute it. One thing I noticed the writer of that article did was use the word “coincidence” an awful lot. From my experience if you notice an abnormally large number of coincidences you can rest assured they’re not actually coincidences at all.

Some of these “coincidences” are: The Moon precisely imitates the annual movements of the sun each month. The Moon is 400 times smaller than the Sun, and 1/400th of the distance between Earth and the Sun. The Moon is much lighter than it should be, and hangs much lower in the sky than it should also. What is particularly peculiar is that, from Earth, it is exactly the same size as the Sun, so that during a solar eclipse it perfectly blots out the Sun. These are only some of the strange Moon facts presented in this book.

One thing that I found annoying about the book is that they dedicated several pages to disparaging “creationists”. They’re certainly entitled to his opinions but they not only went on at great length trying to convey how stupid they considered these people to be, but they come off as bubbling over with unnecessary disdain and vitriol concerning their beliefs. I realize that since the evidence they present in the book seems to suggest intelligent design they likely feel a need to make it plain that they are not advocating for the existence of a traditional Judeo-Christian God, but I felt they went a bit overboard trying to distance themselves from the fundamentalist Christians, for all the good that did them. This is still a favorite book of theirs that they use to argue for the existence of their divine creator despite all that.

It’s funny because they reason against the existence of God by using the old argument which says, “If God made the world then who made God?”. I find it funny because they explain the origin of life by claiming it was started by some kind of super-intelligent beings, which begs the question, “Who created the super-intelligent beings?” LOL! I’m sorry, I realize I’m being kind of petty, but I found that amusing. Anyway, just so you know, they claim the super-intelligent beings created themselves. More on that later.

Please don’t let my childish little digressions prejudice you against this book because it’s a very good book. Now I want to read the book they wrote before this one called, “Civilization One” which makes the case that there was a very advanced, worldwide civilization on Earth before the dawn of recorded history.

Personally, the older I get the more religious I find I am becoming. It has much less to do with a fear of death as it does with my accumulated life experience. Also my life in show business has shown me how strongly perception affects reality, and, like I already mentioned in defense of this book, there are far too many ‘coincidences’ for ‘coincidences’ to exist. Seeming coincidences are, I believe, evidence that there are much greater forces at play, forces we can hardly understand in our present state of existence.

In my opinion they really go off the deep-end when they propose that the reason some alien intelligence is seeding intelligent life throughout the universe is because they intend to eventually render the cosmos self aware. I guess they think they want each civilization to act as a single brain cell, so if enough civilizations are created the heavens will behave like one gigantic brain, but the insane distances of millions of light years between these worlds, not to even mention the fact the immensity of time alone would prevent too many of these super-civilizations from coexisting very close to each other or during the same time.

Since the moon seems, based on it’s queer measurements, to be an artificial construct, and it’s existence was essential to the creation of life on the Earth, the authors of the book come to the exceedingly quirky conclusion that at some future date people went back in time to create the moon in order to insure that life will come to be on the Earth. They have come to the conclusion that since some of the mathematical anomalies are divisible by ten, and human mathematics were formed around fives and tens because it correlates with how many fingers we have, that this means the moon must be man made. I see their line of reasoning, but suggesting something as wild as that certainly violates the principal of Occam’s razor. Why people should feel the need to go back in time and make sure they will be created when that already exist is a very important part of this theory that needs to be explained, but, unfortunately is not. I can only suppose they feel that the very existence of the moon is so odd and unlikely that it requires an equally odd and unlikely explanation.

More Yack:

I was coming back from storage with another cart full of junk. Of course after digging through all that junk and pushing it a mile back to my place in a cart I wasn’t in a great mood, but about a block from my house some old blind woman with a long stick wanted directions to a trail so she could follow it to the H—- Bart station. I told her that was very far away and I’m not sure the trail went out there and she insisted it did. She had a very gruff, almost bossy sounding masculine voice so, to be honest, I found her a little off putting. I told her to follow me since I was going part of the way. When we got to my place I gave her more specific directions but she wanted me to go with her. Is that a reasonable request asking me to walk all the way to that station? I don’t think it’s all that close at all. I guess since she’s blind (I don’t know how blind) she couldn’t see my cart full of junk, but I’m sure she must have heard it bouncing all over the side walk. As I was leaving her she was going on about a bunch of stuff I couldn’t hear over the cart.
After I got back in the house I decided maybe I should go help her so I pushed the cart into the room and I grabbed a water bottle and went out looking for her. I just spent 45 minutes looking all over the place and there’s no way she could move that damned fast. WTF???
I don’t know, maybe she just went back home. She probably lives pretty close to where I found her.
I hate to admit it, but she really rubbed me the wrong way and I was already in a horrible mood, so initially I admit I was glad to get rid of her, but naturally once I had a moment to reflect I felt bad because I could have been more helpful. I don’t know what it is about pushy people that assume you are obligated to help them simply because they feel need help that annoys me. I always feel bad asking for help, especially from strangers. For instance I never panhandled once that whole time I had to live on the street due to Brownfeild’s treachery, and if I did I’d be sure to be pretty apologetic about it. There’s just something about people thinking you have to help them and asking for it with that kind of attitude that I find unpleasant, especially when it’s someone I’ve never even met before. I don’t know,  I’m sure that kind of attitude doesn’t go over well with a lot of people so it shouldn’t necessarily reflect so badly on me that I don’t like to deal with people like that if I don’t have to. Of course one has to make allowances if the person has a handicap of some sort, but even then just glomming on to a random stranger and asking them to change all their morning plans out of nowhere just to accommodate you seems a bit much.
I don’t know why I’m going on about this whole thing, I tried to find her to help her and she was gone, so there’s and end to it. But that’s just it, where the hell did she go so fast? Even if she lived exactly where I found her I’m amazed she could get back there faster than I could get myself ready then run back outside.
I just had a strange idea just now… what if this whole business was just another one of their set ups for that stupid show? After all, this is just the kind of thing they do. Pick a time when all I want to do is get home then spring this old disabled woman on me who claims she needs my help getting somewhere hoping I’ll just tell her to buzz off. This way I’ll look like a big jerk so no one cares that these media a-holes are still exploiting me while not paying me a cent. I probably couldn’t find her because a car picked her up the second I walked into my house.
Yes, the more I think about it the more convinced I am that it was a set up. Who ambushes a total stranger with a cart full of junk at 6:30 am and asks them to walk you at least two miles out of their way? Of course I won’t be able to help and it would be easy to spin this event in such a way as to make me seem like a selfish prick.
Flattened and Crushed:

I’m telling you, the world is going down the tubes. Whose fault is it? You think it’s the fault of the evil people who are running things, and running them into the ground? Well, I don’t think it’s their fault. Not really. Evil people like that are only doing what evil people always try to do. Evil people are always trying to mess up he world and make money off of other people’s suffering, how successful they are at it depends on how hard people resist them. The sad truth is I don’t see too many people fighting back. If there even are many good people left in the world anymore I feel it’s safe to say they’ve long ago lost their fighting spirit. For instance everybody knows we are constantly spied on these days. It’s common knowledge. Nobody has any privacy anymore. People even post and send naked pictures of themselves and reveal all the intimate details of their personal lives on the Internet. People don’t even care about the very concept of privacy anymore. I feel very bad if I’ve inadvertently contributed to this. That show about me has helped foster this environment. People are so used to watching everything I do on CCTV all the time and reading all my emails and looking at all my online activity that they have just grown used to the idea. I think the public just doesn’t know how evil these people really are. If they did they would definitely not be fine with the fact they know everything about them.

The public has been taught to loath me through this highly unethical television series. These media people have been coaxing the reactions they wanted out of me over the years and have repeatedly been playing them back to them after editing them and adding creepy background music and annoying sound effects (basic brainwashing techniques) just to set everyone against me. I am absolutely shocked that this has been allowed to go on. It’s unethical, immoral, and, I don’t claim to be a legal expert but I’m pretty sure it’s as illegal as hell too. Simply put this is unjust persecution and it’s all done right out in the open. Even professionals don’t like dealing with me and I’m pretty sure it’s because someone is pressuring them not to. What’s been happening to me all my life is the very reason we have all agreed that unjust slander over the airwaves should be illegal. Between the TV show and the website, and G-d knows what all else, my life is very far from ideal.

Why do they do it? That’s a good question. I think they want to cash in big time on all the hype they’ve built up around me for decades now. This is why they ruined my life and worked so hard to involve me with dangerous narcotics. They have my entire life on video, and all my art and writings. If they could just buy the rights to all that off of my nearest surviving relative at a good price they could make a bloody fortune off of all that if they market it right. The only thing that stands in their way is me, while I’m alive at least. Maybe they already do own all the rights to my life since apparently I’m just a nonentity with no rights of which to speak. If you think anything more than five or ten percent of the money they’ll generate will actually go to charity you are pretty naive. These are rich people and rich people don’t get rich by giving money away.

Has anybody been getting on their case for exploiting me like this and literally treating me like their slave my entire life? As far as I know no has even criticized them. This right here is why I have a hard time sympathizing with the average person these days. Apparently everyone accepts that these media people own me and can do whatever they want with me (provided they donate some of the proceeds to one of their favorite charities, of course). Nobody gives a thought to my predicament. The few people I have in my life all work for these people. They watch every little fucking thing I do all the time. They even say whatever they want about me on that show and I can’t fight back because it’s all kept secret from me. When I was able to hear some of their show a few years back I heard for myself that they let anyone who wanted go on there and say anything they wanted about me. Of course a lot of it simply wasn’t true, and they spun the rest anyway they wanted. This is all simply outrageous. Does anyone come out to tell them that they have grossly overstepped their rights by using the media to destroy someone’s life like this? Obviously the only reason they are doing this is because they can. I have no money or friends so they are walking all over me. It’s been much worse since my grandparents died, but they had them pretty bamboozled while they were alive so things were even pretty tough back then.

No, nobody speaks out against any of this, but I have been criticized for how I reacted to it.
This to me is particularly disturbing. It’s like someone shooting you in the leg and instead of detaining the criminal who did it you get a ticket for disturbing the peace because you yelled.

I don’t know how much longer this whole thing will be allowed to go on. It’s already gone on far longer than it should have. The very fact it’s happening at all causes me to question reality itself sometimes. None of this should be happening. Sometimes I seriously wonder if I’m in a coma having a very bad dream, in some kind of hell or maybe I’ve been living in some kind of virtual reality simulation. I have to be careful not to dwell too long or hard on thoughts like that though since, after dying, what they would love to see most would be my losing my mind completely.

When I was younger I always felt that just being left the fuck alone if you are just minding your own damned business was a pretty basic right. Apparently I was wrong. Terribly, terribly wrong.

Operation Human Shield:

I know Brownfield and her media cohorts are masters of psychology. They are experts at manipulating people into thinking and doing just what they want them to. They use these skills not only on the public but on me as well. I’ve been their puppet on a string my entire life. I can see why it would work to their advantage if they managed to work me up into a paranoid frenzy. Frightened people are very easy to control. I find myself frequently battling depression and paranoia. I know they have been intentionally making me depressed all my life through constantly messing me up in everything I’ve ever tried to do, and although I know that, especially lately, they have been working very hard to make me paranoid too, the fact remains that I do have much to be really scared about.

The plan behind this show since the beginning has been to market me as the quintessential “crazy artist”. “Outsider artists”, as they are called, are big business these days. They have been manipulating me, through people they’ve gotten me involved with down through the years, to always be as controversial as possible, and they have been creating a lot of hype around me since I could remember. They have made my journey through this world as difficult and painful as they could since I was very young. I assume they gained the public’s permission to do this to me by promising to compensate me generously when this sadistic series has finally run its course, only, if so, that was a lie. They never intended to pay me a cent, in fact they have worked very hard trying to get me to kill myself for years now because once I’m dead they they can really step up operations and milk me for all I’m worth. I’m convinced that this has been their plan since the beginning.

It was when I was in elementary school that they started making a big deal out of my “weird” drawings and began implying that they indicted that I was mentally unsound, but seriously, children always draw strange pictures so there’s really nothing unusual about that. These people have been going out of their way to make problems for me since the beginning. I’m now convinced that these show people even had a hand in my mother’s death too. Maybe I’ll go into that a little more sometime, but these people have been fucking with me since I was  kid. Their plan has always been to get me to off myself so that they could clean up on all the bizarre publicity they’ve been weaving around me. Since this has always been their plan naturally I don’t feel very safe since the end of this show must by now be looming large on the near horizon and it’s becoming increasingly obvious that I don’t intend to do them the favor of killing myself. Apparently my big reward for having survived a lifetime of their relentless media persecution and abuse is to be murdered before I can get my hands on a paycheck they never meant to give me in the first place.

Personally I don’t see how anyone can think a person who is deceitful and evil enough to come up with a scheme like his could ever be trusted to give money that’s been entrusted to them to the poor, at least without keeping most of it for themselves (which is exactly whats going on here by the way).

Their basic show concept has always been very sleazy. Basically it’s all been nothing more than a very long candid camera stunt, only it’s really a lot more depraved than that since they have been hiding cameras in my bedroom since I was a child and all my friends have been employees of theirs. They’ve even been paying women to have sex with me for this thing. These people are fucking sick.

As you can imagine, due to the weird nature of that trashy fucking show those people have been making about me, people have never been generally inclined to be too friendly towards me. Every once in a while, out of nowhere, there comes along someone who’s just chill as fuck and extra friendly to me. Naturally I wonder why more people can’t be like this, so, of course, I start hanging out with them or dating them or whatever. I’ll usually be so starved for companionship by the time this happens that I willingly overlook how suspicious it is that this person just came out of nowhere and landed right in my lap. Of course, through my naivete I would actually be falling into a trap deliberately set for me.

You don’t need a PhD in psychology to know that if you only have one or two friends in all the world that they will have an inordinate effect your thoughts and behavior. They can basically get you to do almost anything they want, especially if you feel at odds with the rest of the world. Now keep in mind who these phony friends work for and maybe you will start to see the real reason why my life has been so crazy, contentious and controversial. My entire life has been a staged production from start to finish. No wonder I’ve always had to fight against feeling lost and depressed. My whole life has been nothing but a lie because of these greedy, selfish people.

Aside from the puppet show aspect and the voyeuristic elements in it much of this series relies on cheap gossip which amounts to nothing more than the basest slander. They have taken the precaution of protecting themselves from any legal interference I may muster by hiding behind human shields like the cowards they are. They make the claim that if anyone does anything that interferes with this slander-fest  they have created that it could have unfortunate financial repercussions affecting the people they claim to be helping through the money they generate by it. This is how they avoid my refuting any of the bullshit they say or present about me on that scummy show of theirs, making it a slanderers paradise where people can say any damned thing they want about me without getting distracted by the facts. I’ve been challenging these people for years to run their bullshit by me but obviously they’re not interested in giving up their unfair advantage. After all I’ve a legal right to defend myself against their accusations but clearly they’re not at all interested in any kind of justice, rather they want to create impressions that fit into the overall narrative they are creating around their character.

You may ask why, if they wanted to create a fictional character, didn’t they just do that in the first place? Why do they instead project their character onto me? Obviously it’s because this way they have that life time of actual spy footage they’ve shot and all that art and stuff I’ve made that can be used to generate further revenue after the big drama of my real life death. Modern media is all about creating emotions in people that can then be exploited to generate revenue.

Evidently they feel their desire to exploit people like livestock to make all the money they can off of them is much more important than someone’s right to just be left alone, and if a person gets cross from being constantly harassed by these people and says some angry things that’s a much bigger crime than the fact they were planning on killing someone so they could make a lot of money off of the story of his broken life.

I’m sure these people also work up fear in certain individuals about all the horrible things I may do once I finally have real money. This is the most ridiculous thing of all. All I’ve ever wanted was to be left in peace. The world is a pretty miserable place as it is and it’s all thanks to the people who already have all the money. People like the puppet-masters responsible for this show.