Money for dope- Money for rope:


I’ve been reading through all the books of Wilkie Collins lately. He and Dickens were very good friends. Dickens was his mentor since he was the older of the two and actively encouraged him in his writing.

I’ve long noticed lots of subversive elements in both their works, especially Collins. This got me curious and after a little light research I found that the two of them often used Masonic symbolism in their writings, so I think it’s safe to say the subversion (filing away at the keystones of Victorian society) was entirely intentional.

One of the charming cliches of the literature of that era is how women faint and men’s reason often becomes unhinged upon receiving bad news or making unpleasant discoveries. This only goes to show what an influence theater had on literature since such devices were frequently used in dramatic climaxes in staged productions from the time.
Since we know that people frequently reacted to psychological shocks like that back then I think that only proves how much influence both theater and literature had on people in those days, and it was not actually ‘art was imitating life’. This is obvious since people do not commonly handle unexpected situations that way any longer.
This should also illustrate how dangerous books written by malcontents actually were at the time (and still are, of course). Obviously drama and writing had an influence similar, though possibly not as powerful, as movies and television do today.
Presently I’m reading Collins‘ first book, “Basil”, which deals with a man who marries well below his station. Other books of his I’ve read dealt with everything from illegitimate birth to even race relations. Apparently this ‘deconstructivism’ predates the 20th century by almost 100 years.
I like reading his stories because as his plots unfold always some huge secret about the protagonist is revealed, explaining much he hardly ever even thought to question. Secrets which not only explain everything in his life, but also introduce him to a danger which threatens him that he must learn how to deal with. The method of overcoming his difficulties that he needs to discover can only be found by digging deeper into what he has already learned. Of course I feel I am in a similar situation but progress is painstakingly slow for me. Because everyone feels impelled to lie to me further information can’t be won by active detective work. Instead I am forced to piece together, a little at a time, things people accidentally reveal to me and observations I occasionally make. Even then I am constantly discarding and updating conclusions I have come to.

I’ll likely never solve this mystery alone and I’d have no way of knowing whether or not I’m correct even if I ever actually did. I’m assuming that at some point official explanations will be given me, but I don’t plan on settling for those, rather to use them in directing me towards deeper excavations into the matter.
I often wonder if I did things different if I could have avoided my present situation, but I keep coming to the same conclusion being that I think that what I’m experiencing right now was always unavoidable. Besides, the most basic component of this show, what it entirely relies upon, is dishonesty. If anybody told me the truth about what has been going on, well, simply put, there just wouldn’t be any show. Aside from slips that people have made from time to time only two people have ever came right out and told me the truth. One was Anne Hunt, a sort of call girl they paid to get involved with me to get me back into drugs because, at that time at least, much of the public was actually starting to sympathize with me. Well, we obviously can’t have that, so they sent a naked whore galloping towards me on a white horse holding a smoking meth pipe up high as trumpets blasted the cavalry charge theme. Anne to the rescue! Since they usually use this show to isolate me from most meaningful forms of human interactions this proved to be a very effective ploy to get me back into drugs again. Anyway, one night as I was walking her back to her car she asked me if I ever felt like my life was just a television show. Of course, despite the fact that I often did I dismissed this as I always dismissed the idea thinking that there just isn’t any way people could find me interesting enough to actually want to watch on television as entertainment. Of course what I never took into consideration while following this line of reasoning is that television has never relied on the truth to hook viewers. Instead they imply much that isn’t true and exaggerate even the most commonplace events and occurrences into something either unusual or bigger than life. Hell, they encourage people to outright lie about me. Fucking Brownfield herself went on this thing telling some of the most gigantic lies I’ve ever heard in my life and she was talking about me. I heard this all myself when I was living in the Jefferson Oaks (now the Savoy) in Oakland. In the end their final product actually has very little to do with me, or even reality itself. I guess if they stuck to the truth people would either change the channel to watch something a little more exciting, like a golfing match, or they might even, heaven forbid, switch off their sets entirely. The only other time someone actually told me the truth I was on one of those recovery forums. Those places were never any help for me because all the other drunks and drug addicts were always openly antagonistic towards me. Highly unusual, I know, but strange things like that always seem to happen to me. This all happened about twelve years ago so, unfortunately, it never occurred to me to take screen caps, assuming I even knew how back then. Anyway, I forget what specifically prompted me to say it, but I said that I had a strange feeling people were watching me all the time and one guy told me I should trust my instincts since in this case I was absolutely correct. That guy then mysteriously got his account deleted shortly after that I recall. Fortunately, thanks to not only my own nearly fifty years worth of unusual observations, but the fact that I was actually able to listen to the stupid thing for myself from 2007-2012 I’ve not had to rely on the public’s honesty to find out what the devil has been going on.
As I was saying, since I am presently right where they’ve always wanted me to be at this point I don’t believe I ever had a real chance to avoid this. Come on, everybody has been fucking lying to me since I was at least nine. Sometimes I wish certain of my relatives were still alive so I could show them how out of hand and ridiculous this whole thing has become. Unfortunately I think even that is a naive fantasy. I think I thought that because they got me mixed up with these people and this mess they might have some influence over them and might be able to get them to cool it a bit and back off, however I think that would have been a forlorn hope. I remember once, not long before my grandfather died, I was complaining to him about this nightmare. He just gave me his generic advice, “Just don’t talk so much, be careful what you say and keep your opinions to yourself”. I then told him that things simply weren’t that simple and how they were tapping my phone and even had microphones hidden in my room to gather material for their damnable show and he had nothing to say to any of that. The thing is I’m sure he already knew all that because I know he himself watched that misleading production. In either a private conversation with someone or a private email, I’m not sure which, I said something critical of how he brought me up. Well, I think it was the very next day he then called me on the phone to either defend or deny whatever I said concerning him. How the devil would he have even known what I had said unless they broadcast it over that show while he was watching it? He didn’t know any of the people I spoke to up here so there is just no other way he could have known. I was careful not to make anything of the fact he just admitted to me that he knew all about the show and how it worked out of respect for his declining health, but needless to say this discovery depressed me considerably. Also, I find it interesting how everyone thinks they have a right to defend their public image and go to great lengths in order to do so, and isn’t it also funny how I seem to be the only person who is denied this right considering I’m not even ever allowed to know whats being said about me on that idiotic show of theirs?
Okay, I get from the way people treat me that they have been working very hard to make people think I’m crazy, and not just ‘eccentric’, but stark raving mad. Two things about that, do you really think that if I was anywhere near as unpredictable and potentially dangerous as many of you evidently think I am that I’d have been allowed to roam around free as the air itself all my life and stay completely out of prison, jail or indeed any kind of trouble involving the law? Also, to me at least, its a very puzzling paradox indeed that everyone thinks I’m nuts yet they know that my life is a television show and they constantly lie to me about it. Clearly I’m not the one that’s not firing on all cylinders, it’s the society around me that’s clearly out of balance. Also, think about it: what if you discovered that your entire life was nothing but a cheesy television show made to entertain idiots and everyone you had ever known was either in on it or working directly for the show’s director? That everyone you’ve ever known has been lying to you and that there isn’t a damned thing you can do about it? What kind of an effect would that have on you? Based on how childish most people are these days I’ve no doubt many of you would have been reduced to simpering imbecility due to such a revelation. Me, well, I have some tricks that help me cope with it all and one of them are these writings that help me organize my thoughts concerning all this madness. Actually I get the impression that maybe it really wouldn’t have much effect on most of you since I can tell from my dealings with you that a lot of you aren’t firmly grounded in reality in the first place. Why else would most of you not see the obvious contradiction in thinking that I’M crazy when its the whole world watching a TV show about me and then lying to me about it? Clearly it’s your behavior and that of others like you that is unorthodox.
Unfortunately there is much about this whole situation that I dare not even touch upon here in public writings and don’t take that as proof that I’ve got crazy ideas about any of this or anything else. Actually I do have crazy ideas, lots of them, but I keep them to myself as I dreamed them up only in fun and toy with them as ideas for short stories and such. Anyway its the average man (and woman) on the street that clearly suffers from delusions. It is because of this that I can’t share everything I know. Yes, not to be overly dramatic but it is one of those “you can’t handle the truth” situations.
Most of the people I see out and about actually look stone retarded. These people never question anything they see in the media, unless maybe they look at some form of alternative media possibly, and if they do its usually because it has some ethnic bias that they think favors them. I don’t know, isn’t the average IQ close to 90 nowadays? If they tested EVERYBODY and averaged it out I’ve no doubt it would be, likely even lower than that I would bet. You cant expect these people to ‘think outside the box when they haven’t even a box to think in in the first place.
Remember, I was able to listen to this show myself for five years. I was shocked because it was nothing less than classic brainwashing. All the creepy music and sounds played whenever I appeared or spoke on it. Frankly I’m amazed this kind of garbage is allowed. How they are allowed to do this kind of crap to me I don’t know. My entire life I was led to believe that I was nothing more than an anonymous eccentric who liked to draw weird pictures only to find that I was being used, used to condition and program the masses. It kinda makes me sick to my stomach to be honest. Sometimes when I’m making small talk with some clerk or whatever and I stray away from the common banalities and generalizations typical of small talk I can see their eyes literally glaze over like they are about to go into a trance. There is definitely something very evil going on here and what’s most disturbing about it is it’s going on in plain view.
There is no doubt in my mind that I am exactly where they want me to be in my life right now and everything is going according to their wicked plan. What really gets me is I was never offered a choice in the matter but there was never anything I could have done to prevent this. I’m sure that when my grandfather, or whoever it was, made this deal with them that they weren’t completely honest about their true intentions, these people never are. Never make any kind of agreement with them if you can avoid it, it always ends up going down just like it does in the comic books and old TV shows where someone makes a deal with the devil. There is always some gigantic hitch that always completely negates and eclipses whatever benefit you thought you would get out of the deal when you made it. Between how evil these people are and how dense the public is my chances don’t look too good now to be completely honest. I guess this is all just another case of rich fucks crushing a poor person to squeeze whatever they can get out of them. There doesn’t seem to be anything I can do about it. There never was.
Only recently has this kind of persecution even be technologically possible so I am sure I’m the first person in history ever to have suffered extensive harassment of this kind. I have to laugh at people who believe my own behavior in the face of all this has been inappropriate. Apparently they fantasize that if the same thing happened to them they could have pulled it off with much more dignity. The truth is that they have no idea how they would react had they been scrutinized and harassed by the media as their community collectively lied to them about it. They simply have no idea what its like. How could they? Its never happened to any on ever before. Nothing even close has.
People, upon meeting me for the first time, frequently seem genuinely surprised and moved to remark on what a nice guy they thought I was, obviously because their opinion of me had been artfully nudged in the opposing position by Dana’s defamatory show.
This show has always been about isolating me from everyone else hoping to get me to self destruct. This is probably the most sadistic way imaginable to do somebody in. Any other conceivable way of killing someone, shooting, stabbing, pushing them off a cliff, is angelically merciful by comparison.
I recently sent Dana a copy of a story I recently read online. I’d read a few stories like this one before and I find them particularly evil. Since this one reminded me of what she has obviously been trying to do to me, I sent it to her. It was the story of some guy who held a grudge against a woman for something she did to him during elementary school so he’d been gas-lighting her for years in subtle ways no one but her could notice. People kept telling he she was imagining things until she herself started questioning her own sanity. Once she found she had become physically dependent on the anti-anxiety drugs her husband and doctor had her taking the evil protagonist of the story felt he finally had his revenge on her as he had, for all practical intents and purposes, succeeded in having her chemically lobotomized. Another by product of this wretched plan was that, due to the horrible depression she was suffering, the victim stopped painting, which was always her one true passion in her life. Of course only an absolute sociopath could take any joy in doing something as uncompromisingly evil as that to somebody, but this aspect of the story, along with his elaborate scheme that took him years to complete reminded me so much of that evil cunt that I felt obligated to share it with her, hoping she may see her own reflection in it and experience a twinge of repulsion. I don’t imagine she did though since true sociopaths seem to be incapable of feeling anything like empathy for their victims.
They have been gradually tightening their surveillance and control of me all my life and its gotten ridiculous lately, especially since I found out about the show eleven years ago. Now I often find I will only have one person I can even casually converse with, not counting professionals who are paid to talk to me. As you can imagine, if you only have one single person in your life they can exert quite a big influence on your thought and behavior. Think back to grade school where you may have had one best friend you spent all your spare time with and all the weird things you got each other into.
It embarrasses me to admit that I too am very susceptible to people’s influence one on one. This tendency is obviously hard wired into us. It explains such phenomenon as ‘bronies’, ‘furries’, sadomasochism and communism.
I remember back in elementary school I was always kind of weirded out by comic books. Something about them always struck me as unwholesome and perverse. I think my opinion was influence by my grandparents who may have still remembered the whole ‘seduction of the innocent’ hubbub from the early fifties. Anyway my best friend somehow got really into them in 7th grade and I got into them through him. So yes, although I am obviously much more independent than the average person, of course people in my life exert no small influence on me. Remember though that these people in my life have always been lying to me and trying to lead me astray.  I have no doubts whatsoever that every single person I’ve been socializing with since I arrived here back in 2003, with the possible exception of people I knew from work, have been intentionally manipulating me, and many of them have been directly in the employ of Dana Brownfield. This has been going on till this very day. These people work for this show and they influence my opinions on an array of topics, including and especially politics. Its no coincidence that they have been encouraging unpopular opinions, or, at the very least, those demonized by the MSM. Obviously these show people don’t care about my opinions concerning anything and I’ve no doubt many of them believe things that would scare the living shit out of most of you if you even suspected what they were. Obviously they only want me to be known for saying unpopular things because if people don’t like me they won’t care about what a horrible deal I’m getting. In fact they want people to wish ill on me, then they can tune in and enjoy seeing it actually done.
Honestly, I hardly even interact with the world so why should I even care what’s going on in it, I certainly don’t have any power or control over anything anyway. I certainly have much more important personal business to worry about. This whole thing, just like every other damned thing thats ever happened to me in my life, is being staged for their idiotic television show.
That’s only one of the things they do. These people also encourage me to say derogatory things about other people I’ve known. Since everything I say is transmitted all over the place it’s another evil way to get me to burn any bridges I may have made and further ensure my social isolation. Also they will relentlessly bug me to confess to doing antisocial things. They will keep annoying me with the same repetitious questions until I will actually just agree that I did whatever it is to shut them up. These things only work because often I’ve not another soul to talk to and I want to keep things smooth so I feel I have to do things that often go against my better judgement just to keep everybody happy.
Again, I ave no idea what’s really going on, and neither do you. Sure, I know about this television show, but right after I learned for a fact that this show is real I knew that it was just the tip of the iceberg. There is much more going on here, and since I know how deceptive and dishonest these people are I’ve no doubts at all that the public doesn’t know the extent of what is really going on either, and I don’t just mean the occult elements.
Of course I have no choice but to see this through if only to prevent them from leaving an image of me for posterity that is entirely the product of their own imagination, but there is a much bigger mystery here that I intend to solve.
They have obviously been trying to drive me to suicide since high school. Despite that being the most sadistic way possible to kill somebody the real reason they are doing it that way is because the very nature of this show keeps me on camera every second of every day so it’s really the only way of doing it they can if they want to avoid suspicion. I just want to say to all concerned that if I ever do meet with a fatal accident of any sort to look very closely into it if you are genuinely interested in seeing justice served. Just know that I am doing everything I can to keep life and limb, body and soul working together in harmony for as long as possible.
People always assumed I had hyperactive disorder as a child, but considering that didn’t show up until the third grade I think I was just very nervous about being watched. Anyway, finding out about the show was a real epiphany because I finally knew how all my private observations and ideas had been seeping out into the popular consciousness, even ending up in the media (TV, music and movies)  all my life, among other things. It solved a lot of mysteries but that was the one that had been bothering me most.
Assuming I survive to see the end of this thing I’m sure things are going to get pretty fucking stupid. You know how all the NPCs love to jump on a bandwagon. Its every boring loser’s opportunity to get some attention joining in as everybody stomps the prostrate pariah. I already heard on the show some stand up comics referring to me in their routines. I’m sure they have gotten many times more nasty since then since the show has been getting increasingly more vicious judging by the ‘vibes’ I’ve been getting from people lately. I’m sure there will be a slew of nasty articles, cartoons, memes and maybe even books. No big deal, if anything this whole experience has given me a much thicker skin. As long as they pay me a reasonable price for my life I can’t complain. That’s what being a celebrity is all about and the only way to ensure EVERYBODY loves you would be to be as bland and uninteresting as possible. Also it’s so typical that all this chaos has been created by an ineffectual nobody and all her fat and ugly friends in the media. There’s a lot of animosity in losers like that and they really get off on trashing the reps of their superiors. They and many of the fans of their work are very petty and jealous little people. Anyway, when you get right down to it they are really little more than panderers who made their fortune by hiding CCTV cameras in my bedroom and bathroom since I was a little kid and the public are just a bunch of scumbags who lied to me my entire life to hide this fact from me. What a wonderful world full of beautiful people, eh? Reminds me of that old DEVO song:

New illegal slander show thread -Ongoing:

Dog Sausage by Mister-Seen
I’ve been writing a lot but its been in notebooks. I did send the following email a couple days ago. I will add to this post when and if I feel like it. As I’m sure I’ve already mentioned before, I’ve not been interested in doing anything even marginally creative for quite sometime now and its been getting worse. This apathy about creating anything in any way interesting has been growing, like an insidious cancer, and has progressed from drawing pictures and writing short literary pieces to even include letters and autobiographical posts online. Not sure if this is the result of decades of being beaten down mentally and spiritually by that illegal broadcast or their hoodoo hexes. It could be either or it could be both. Whatever, what’s most important is that I hang in there and survive this defamation campaign. I refuse to let evil win. These forces of darkness have been swallowing up huge swaths of society in recent years but I will do everything I can to prevent them from getting me. Fuck evil and fuck them.

Happy Satanic Birthday You Evil POS!

I’m sure you think this is your dream job. You get to slander someone all you want and ruin their life and never have to answer for any of it since you have everyone lying to protect you. The down side of the situation, for you, at least, is that only a walking pile of steaming, subhuman shit could actually, day in and day out, do that job and not hate themselves. Maybe you do hate yourself and that’s why you do such fucked up shit? I can’t figure it out, I admit that I am incapable of understanding how shameless, demented assholes such as yourself think.

Evidently my grandfather was very naive to trust you people and I’m very upset with him that he got me so intimately tangled up with criminals such as yourselves. He used very poor judgment in that particular instance.

You are not only unethical and immoral, you are genuinely evil. I used to wonder why, since you were making good money off of me, you have been trying to kill me since high school (by trying to get me to kill myself), but the answer is obviously that I’d be worth much more to you dead than alive. Lord knows you’ve never paid me a fucking cent despite the fact you’ve all grown rich off of me. And no, having the spies and whores you’ve employed to stand between me and the public buy me trinkets now and again is not a legitimate form of compensation. In fact, instead of paying me any kind of reasonable compensation for stealing my life from me you have striven to do all you could to insure I died in abject misery.
I can’t believe that, now that I know what you people have been doing to me for nearly 50 years, that you actually think you have a chance in hell of convincing me that I was crazy and imagined the whole thing. Once the genie is out of the bottle (or once the “C.A.T. is out of the bag” LOL) you should know it’s impossible to ever get it back in again. It was never fully in there to begin with. I always felt I was on television since I was in grade school, and even that things around me were always being staged for my benefit. I used to think that was kind of crazy, but what’s really crazy is that my impressions turned out to be so accurate.
Dontstopbeleivein M-750x750 by Mister-Seen
Too bad you cowardly assholes hide behind a thick curtain of deception because I’d love to hear how you justify ruining a young child’s life just to make a few bucks. You truly are scum you know. When I think back on all the trouble and misery you’ve made for me over the years with your hokey ‘candid camera’ rip off show I get very sad and angry. You have no right to do something like that to anyone, let alone a child. I can’t even say you really wrecked my life because you never even let me build one you could wreck in the first place since you’ve been weighing me down with your constant slander since I was at least nine years old.
What really gets me is despite the fact you owe me for the soft life I have unknowingly provided for you you’ve shown me no gratitude whatsoever. Beyond petty shit you have done to me, like charge me $350 a month rent to live in your basement, which, incidentally wasn’t fit for human habitation (and I had no choice but to live there as your show made it impossible to find any kind of room mate situation anywhere else), your spiteful and destructive nature drove you further and during one of your most outrageous libel campaigns you actually made me homeless. This was no mere impulse on your behalf as it was, in fact, the reason you lured me up here in the first place. You even stole my drivers license and had your retarded friend with the speech impediment hack into my cell phone and delete my contacts in preparation for what, I can only imagine, you felt would be my end.
By far the most wicked thing you did was get me involved with hard drugs, not once, but a few times. Yes, thanks to your fellow scum bags in the media I was curious about different drugs, but you know I never sought them out and this is why you brought them to me. I know it was you because the people that got me involved with them, Roger Jesness, Anne Hunt, and everyone in between, worked directly for you. I know this for several reasons, not the least of which was that I heard them and recordings they made on your show. As if that wasn’t bad enough you tried making it nearly impossible for me to get off of them. Actually it would have been absolutely impossible if I had to rely on other people. Not only in AA itself but even on the so called ‘recovery’ websites the childish assholes who watch your shitty work refused to do anything to help me. I could go on for pages about that, but fortunately, once I saw what idiots they were being I decided I didn’t need those pathetic losers so I stopped by myself. I guess if you still want to kill me I guess you’ll have to grow a spine and do it yourself because I’m certainly not going to help you.

Tv by Mister-Seen
Wednesday, November 7th, 2018

Today’s Scraps:

I’ve come up with a lot of screwy theories about when and why this TV thing happened and most of them are kind of embarrassing in retrospect. The fact is that I have no idea when, why or how it started. And although the first time I actually heard the show was in the fall of ’07, part of me knew about it all along before that but, and this is weird, its like I didn’t care about it. I’ve tried to explain that aspect of it a few times, how I always knew about it on some level but treated it like a fantasy or something, I knew about it but I was telling myself that I didn’t know about it. The fact is I don’t really understand that bizarre, contradictory thought process and it makes no sense to me. Considering there have always been Church of Satan people behind this thing I’m pretty sure that has something to do with some kind of ensorcellment. Even after I heard the show for myself and learned how thoroughly everything I did anywhere was being watched and listened to I still didn’t want to accept it and chose to live in denial most of the time. I think this tendency of mine could also be the result of some kind of spell. In fact I now think a lot of the odd things I thought and did and the compulsions I fought against were the result of them manipulating me with occult forces. For example, one of the weird things I remember doing was getting naked and decorating myself all over with different colored markers. I didn’t even take any pictures or anything. Though I didn’t know it at the time what I did was obviously done to entertain all the kinky voyeurs watching me on the broadcast CCTV feed. Other than that I can think of no other reason why I did it. Of course, frustrated by the fact every God damned thing I do is watched so closely and that there is no way I can escape from it I started saying and posting things online that I knew could upset all the stupid losers who watch that idiotic show, as well as the evil assholes who make it. That was such a flawed plan that I can’t help but think they must have influenced me to do that with their voodoo hoodoo as well. That spell seems to have quite an extraordinary hold on me since I’m having a very hard time trying to stop doing those things, but since that seems to be my only way of expressing my (very justifiable) anger over this whole fucked up situation its been very difficult. In fact, I had known I was being heavily spied upon for over five years when the idea came to me to start a blog full of things that I knew would send smoke billowing out of their pointy little ears. I deleted them all a year or two ago once I finally came to my senses and realized how dumb that was. Why did I insist on provoking these megalomaniac media monsters? Its such a one sided struggle that I’m bound to be the loser, and I’m sure that’s exactly why they singled me out in the first place. If my family had a presence and carried any kind of weight in the world those people never would have dreamed of doing a thing against me. As it is I just come from a long line of worker ants so these jerks felt perfectly safe stomping on me like they’ve been doing. Another good example of how they were manipulating me was all my substance abuse. I honestly thought I’d never stop drinking, smoking and doing drugs, yet not long after I discovered that there were a lot of very evil and powerful people who not only wanted me doing all those things, but had actually arranged things so that I was introduced to them in the first place, its like the compulsion completely left me. I really can’t explain it. Sure, I think about drugs occasionally, and even have a few drinks during the holidays sometimes, but I no longer have a desire to get carried away. If I get prescribed pain medication I use it as directed now. This would have been impossible ten years ago. This is not the result of therapy or a twelve step program, rather just my realizing what the f*ck has really been going on. I’m sure this is a big part of why they insisted everyone be evasive and lie to me about this whole thing. It’s primarily the secrecy that gave them such power over me. Thank God those people at the welfare hotel in Oakland were so fucking stupid and never thought to lower the volume on their televisions or I could possibly still be in the dark about it. Heck, I may have even been driven to kill myself by this time.

Anyway, one of the bizarre things I noticed about that show is how myopic their public is. I guess it has to do with the focus of the media, but most viewers seem to have very narrow tunnel vision. Nobody even seems to give a f*ck, assuming they ever think about it at all, that I’ve been the victim of an egregious crime since I was a very young child and that the public has been condoning it by willingly cooperating with those assholes by lying to me about it all my life. I mean, it doesn’t take much perception to see how heinous this all is. I’ve been being set up, made a fool of and secretly recorded by fucking cameras and microphones hidden in my private residence and all this being broadcast all over the fucking world for as long as I can recall. I really don’t think any of you could even possibly imagine what life has been like for me, living under a public microscope since I was a child. To further constrict my isolation and lower the probability that someone might accidentally slip up and let me know some of what’s going on, since my young adulthood at least, all my friends and girlfriends have been directly employed by these people. It’s like I’m literally thier property and they are protecting their investment. Aside from actually building an artificial world for me to inhabit like on “The Truman Show” they couldn’t have more complete control everything I do, say and experience. It’s a new and sick form of slavery, but NOBODY ever has a word to say against this. Instead all the Pavlovian imbeciles out there are always allowing themselves to get worked up about things I said, never mind the fact that I never consciously intended for the public to hear any of them and the recordings of my saying them were obtained illegally. This was until eleven years ago when I learned that everything I said was being transmitted all over the globe. I knew from listening to thier show what kind of character they’ve made of me so I decided to flesh it out for them and show them how to do it right. Am I just expressing my understandable frustration by mocking the public or am I just responding to their infernal incantations? I wish I knew but this insane situation has me pretty confused to be honest.

Also keep in mind that since they have been so closely controlling both me and my social life for nearly 50 years my media masters should share at least as much responsibility for anything I say as myself. Aside from themselves for repeatedly tuning in, logically the people the public should primarily be mad at if anything on the show upsets them are the assholes who create it and broadcast it. After all this whole thing is actually a reflection of them, it’s creators. I’m pretty sure a large part of why they make sure to always have me be as controversial as possible was to create this exact situation, where the public is so busy frothing over things I’ve said that goes against their conditioning, that no one even notices or cares about the fact that several of my most basic human rights have been being violated since I was at least nine to make their ridiculous little show. That’s really the only issue about all this that any reasonable human being has any business getting hot under the collar about.
Homeless by Mister-Seen

Given all this I came to the conclusion a long time ago that the smartest thing I could do considering I have this giant juggernaut called the “media” out to destroy me, is to just drop out of society altogether. I mean they’ve proven to me that they are hell bent on turning everything against me so it’s my safest option. Unless there is something unprecedentedly weird going on here my fortune is already made so I don’t have to go out and fight for it, in fact I’d only be putting myself seriously at risk by jumping into the fray of the world at all considering they’ve already made it clear that they won’t be satisfied with anything less than my premature death. The fact that they used to report on how I suffered from depression and made much of my past suicide attempts even while constantly sabotaging everything I’ve ever tried to do- and even did everything they could to get me mixed up with dangerous drugs- makes their homicidal intentions pretty obvious. They felt that because my mother committed suicide when I was 17 and both my parents were drug addicts that I’d be easy to get rid of simply by pulling a few strings and using some psychology. They were so confident that their show would outlive me that they don’t hold back when they slander me thinking I’ll never even have an opportunity to confront any of them with their lies. In fact, back when I was in the subsidized housing complex and could hear the show regularly and I heard a lot of the outrageous lies they were telling about me they were so off the mark that most of the time I thought they were talking about somebody else. I’d be listening, thinking, “Geez, what a sick fuck!…WAITAMINNIT! They’re talking about ME!!”. Many of their stories didn’t sound anything like something I would even consider doing.

But no, as usual the public is only focused on their programmed responses to what I myself have been programmed to say. These media assholes are playing everybody like a harp from f*cking hell and it’s just business as usual for them.

What really gets me is that the media has been victimizing me all my life, exploiting me, raping my privacy, insulting and humiliating me on the air since I was a child on that criminal show and all the public can think to do about it is compound my pain and suffering by heaping even yet more abuses on me. People are not content to merely ostracize me, they do any chickenshit little thing in their power to fuck with me on top of that. Short change me when I go shopping, refuse to sell to me when I try to purchase items online, report every little thing I post on the internet, kick me out of online groups for no reason, try to get me in trouble at work, try to get me evicted from my home… anyway, you name it and these zombie f*cks have either done, or tried to do it to me, and they have been treating me like this since high school. Nice job confirming my already low opinion of you guys! Sometimes I hate humanity with a purple passion. I frequently fantasize about getting my money and building a house out in the middle of the woods, a shack out in the middle of the desert or even buying an island out in the middle of the ocean to live on. A perfect ending to that fantasy would be civilization incinerating in a nuclear flash right after I did that.

So, for all the above reasons I think the wisest thing I can do is turn my back on the world. This is a pretty sh*tty deal I’ve been given and nobody even asked me to agree to it. As I’ve said before, these assholes should have just left me the fuck alone to live my own life. Fucking up everything I’ve ever tried to do while promising to give me a lot of money once I’m old and my best years are all behind me is an unbelievably crappy deal and I’d never have agreed to it. I’ve always been creative and I’m reasonably intelligent so I’d doubtlessly have done pretty well for myself. Sh*t, I’d probably have had lots of grandchildren by now. But no, these people saw an opportunity to not only make serious money for themselves but use me for propaganda purposes, so, of course, what I wanted and what was good for me never even intruded on their nefarious plans.
Spying by Mister-Seen

One thing I worry about is that they never even had any intention of paying me at all and that’s why they wanted me dead. Anyway, even if that is true I still think that the smartest thing for me to do, considering my situation, is to stay out of trouble and leave the house as little as possible. It’s a sad life but it’s better than always being caught up in chaos and controversy. I especially need to avoid women. They already thrive on unnecessary drama to begin with but making matters worse is the fact that f*cking show encourages them to go nuts and start serious sh*t with me at every available opportunity so they can go on television and exaggerate everything, making me out to be the bad guy and vilifying me as much as possible, thereby inflaming the public against me even more than they already are. No thanks, I don’t need any more of that.

These people are Satanists, and Satan is the god of this world. There are two types of people in this wicked world, predator and prey. Although I’ve striven to disentangle myself as much as possible from worldly affairs they still see me as prey and are still coming after me. I have, per force, adopted a more philosophical and spiritual outlook on life. I’ve no choice but to drop out of the game since they’ve been stacking everything against me nearly all my life, and on top of that I was born into a train wreck to begin with. Since I am not a masochist I see no point in tasseling with the status quo. I have no resources or friends to help me anyway and lawyers won’t even talk to me. Even what few relatives I have left began acting extra strangely towards me once I figured all this out, especially my sister. I guess she was counting on getting all the money that should have gone to me once I self-destructed. Once I found out what was going on and started getting myself back together I suppose she saw her potential millions sprout wings and fly away out the window and hated me for it.
5d4937bb5ec51bd47e62d7d697aaf325411fa6ca2a10c467cf by Mister-Seen
These Satanists, by burying themselves in the toxic quagmire of this sphere, are only condemning themselves to hundreds, if not thousands of additional years of mortal suffering. They may never be able to move beyond increasingly more miserable incarnations. They perpetually lust after power and all the tainted pleasures of this world. They have made themselves into earthbound monsters. Even if I should be fortunate enough to live long enough to find myself fairly compensated for my years of suffering I needn’t contemplate scheming any kind of worldly revenge on any of them since they are harming themselves worse than I ever could. Besides, living well is indeed the best revenge possible. If I am financially compensated for all the pain and suffering they’ve caused me I can enjoy the money all the more knowing that I didn’t have to hurt anyone to get it. The only person who was hurt was myself and that’s okay since I can take it. Once this is all over I’ll have all the tapes watched as I’m very curious about a lot of things. For instance, based on things I’ve heard people say over the years I suspect they’ve had cameras in my bedroom since I was pretty young. If they did that’s pretty rank, but I’d like to see the old footage of me drawing at my desk during my teens after I dropped acid and my work really started to take off. Also I used to make tape recordings that I lost a long time ago. If they broadcast those I’d like to hear them again. Also I’ll be very interested in hearing all the lies and inappropriate things that people have been saying about me through the years and who said them. It’s good to know who your friends and enemies really are.
Seriously though, what demented asshole thought this would be good idea for a “reality” show anyway? There’s no way something like this won’t be abused by the maladjusted, power hungry losers making it. You simply can’t do a show like this about a person while they are trying to make their way in the world and it not impact them negatively. This fact is so obvious that the only conclusion we can come to is that the whole purpose of this production was always to f*ck me up. It gives these sociopaths what they live for, the ability to play god over someone and have absolute power over them. It’s not even got anything to do with thier imposing there “morality” on me or the viewers considering one of their favorite things to do is set me up behind the scenes to intentionally show me in a bad light and trip me up as much as possible. This whole perfidious production is nothing more than these creeps living out their sadistic fantasy of having the literal power of life and death over some random, unassuming schmuck. It’s all rather childish and quite silly. I can understand why these sick fucks would be so eager to work on a project like this, but I just can’t understand why they have been allowed to carry out this decidedly unhealthy project for nearly half a century and not a soul speak out against it. Again, I’m sure that has a lot to do with their obsession to portray me as unfavorably as possible, but even then I’m surprised that no one out there has the sophistication to subtract emotion from the equation and see that the whole concept behind this show is morally wrong.
10402983 10201404958443675 8096230543382655377 N by Mister-Seen
I confess that I almost feel hatred towards not only the arrogant curs who have been making this perverse show but the feeble minded fools who watch it. I’d never watch a show like that. Maybe if I was strongly urged to I may sit through 15 minutes of it just to get a taste of it, but the truth is it’s a tacky production made by trashy people and I’d feel dirty if I watched any more of it. Naturally I have such contempt for those people that I have enjoyed mocking their manufactured, pre-packaged ideals. Any thing that a fool holds as precious is bound to be nothing but rubbish anyway.

People may say that a smarter way to handle this violation would be to try to make it work for me, to just do what legitimate celebrities do and work to ingratiate myself into the public’s good graces. Keep in mind that I already know from experience that would be impossible to do in my case. Official show business personalities have teams of professional people working for them advising them of what to do and say and they put stories in the media to build them up in the eyes of the public to maintain, and, if possible, increase their popularity. I don’t have anything like that, in fact I have the exact opposite of that. These clowns have been setting me up, denouncing and condemning me as thoroughly as they could since the eighties.

My thoughts are that if the public is incapable of thinking for themselves its silly of me to give a damn what they think of me. It would be a complete waste of time for me trying to win over the public. What I’d need to do if I wanted people to get off my back is appeal to the people actually putting that show together, but considering what rotten people they are I would find that a very distasteful task. Besides, they’ve already made it perfectly clear they want me dead. They’ve been doing everything in their power for nearly forty years to achieve that so it would be a waste of time trying to make friends with them at this point. They started this whole thing. They were the ones who declared war on a nine year old child and have been making his life hell ever since. Evidently the public isn’t bright enough to know that these people are in the propaganda business and that they have a million tricks to get them to think anything they want about anything.

These TV people are taking advantage of how vulnerable I am these days to use all their power and money to try and destroy me. They never wanted me to live long enough to get the money I’ve been promised,they’ve always used some gimmick to stir the public up against e and create a toxic environment for me. They have always been petty, jealous little people. Yes, things are pretty bad for me now but my job is actually pretty simple. All I have to do is survive. I only wish I knew how much longer I’ll have to wait until this is over and I’m finally safe from these deranged reprobates.

Out of my head:

Invisible Force Field:

A68d5dd32d13524a028f48129323630d0e20ae25c65d7d77d7 by Mister-Seen

I hope I’ve not mentioned this already, but while boxing up some of my stuff I came across an old drawing I forgot I even made. It’s just a cartoon actually, and I mean “cartoon” in the original sense, “a preparatory drawing for a piece of art”. Sometimes I’ll work out the drawing in a sketchbook or on a cheap piece of paper before transferring it to a more expensive piece of paper because sometimes the nice paper can’t handle too much erasure. It’s a picture of Jesus casting out demons and sending them into a herd of swine, but, unfortunately I have no idea when I drew it, it could be anywhere from twelve to twenty three years old. I’ll scan and upload it as soon as I set up my scanner, hopefully before the end of this month.
Friday, June 1st: Damn, I’ve been cleaning all day and its still a dump in here. This is terrible. After 6 I’ll make a couple of trips out to the space, but then I’ll be really tired and I’ll still have a ton of work to do!
Tuesday, June 5th: I’ve been working so hard for the past few days trying to make up for years of neglect that I think I’ll take part of the day off today.

I’ve not been sleeping well lately. Night before last I only got five hours sleep and last night I popped open wide awake after only four hours so I don’t have very much energy today.

Must be the stress of having to deal with all this. Besides, people are coming by too today. Though it’s kind of embarrassing that I’ve not finished yet I need to remind myself that its a damned better sight than it was. Actually it’s not really even as bad as I’m making it sound, it’s just kind of nasty in the corners and behind the furniture and stuff. Anyway, when I finish that I need more boxes for the knick knacks and drawer contents. Then I need to take care of the dining room and the closet by the window. Oh, and the hallway closet too. It’s all coming along even though today is a total bust.

I just found a packet of ginseng tablets so I’m feeling better!
Packing with a deadline is funny. You know how you start up packing with economy of space in mind but by the end your basically just tossing miscellaneous stuff in boxes just to get it out of sight.
Ba73fb262b40cf84ad7fd1cbb95817cd0c2886522f4d0fcb1b by Mister-Seen
Dana would LOVE me out on the street, she’s been repeatedly trying to do that to me for the past 25 years. The only time she accomplished that was when she managed to get me into her home, then waited a while and kicked me out for no reason. I don’t know what reason she may have given the public, but she only gave me a very vague excuse having to do with some kind of renovations. Near as I know she never did anything like that.

If I was living on the street with no door to lock in front of me or roof over my head I’d be very vulnerable, especially since at last I’d not be on camera 24 hours a day. It would be a simple matter to get rid of me once and for all then. The only flaw in Dana’s plan last time was that I still had my car. That’s why she wanted it taken away. Before the theft of my driver’s license she was instrumental in getting it towed on a flimsy pretext through her connections in the OPD. Fortunately I was able to get it back.

Another lie she told me to hurry me out of there was she had only been charging me rent in order to save it for me “because she knows how bad I am with money”, and that if I got back in touch with her after a couple of days she would give it all to me. This would have amounted to many thousands of dollars. Of course I was thinking this would be too good to be true and I knew she was lying again, but I was in no position to argue. I know I could have got the cops involved because I had mail in my name and she didn’t give me a 30 day notice to vacate, but the most time I could have bought for myself was 30 days from that date. I also may have been able to get her into serious trouble for renting out a room that was unfit for human habitation, but if you don’t think she wouldn’t have made that thirty additional days a misery to me and kicked up her media slander to white hot levels you’re very naive. Naturally when I later inquired after this money she only laughed at me.

You know, that Dana Brownfield is a real piece of work. She’s been making a damned fortune off of me for over two decades, but after she used her show to spook me into her basement in Oakland she charged me $350 a month rent (it had no heat or bathroom facilities) and made me do her yard work and take care of her cats and all that, and all along my even being there at all was just the penultimate step of her plan to make me homeless. I guess I need to keep in mind that people like her think the rest of us only exist for them to exploit as they wish. What a twisted bitch. She’s made a huge pile of money off of me and now wants to get rid of me because she’s through with me and my continued survival could potentially prove to be a liability to her after all the fucked up stuff she’s done to me over the years. They have been pretty generous with some of the people they’ve hired to fuck me up. Two examples off the top of my head: Anne Hunt bought a car and took a lot of trips, two to Europe, even though she only had a part time teacher’s aid job, and Lisa Brennan, despite living off Social Security, was buying a house in Oakland. Me, I’ve never gotten anything but trouble and misery from Dana and these people despite my being the star of their show and their cash cow since I was less than ten years old. I think their endgame is pretty obvious here.

Their keeping me poor by constantly slandering me not only made it easier for them to control me, it also made me much easier for them to get rid of once they decided they were through with me. Plus their successfully isolating me has made it much less likely anyone would bother to look too deeply into my premature demise or sue them in civil court over it, or anything else associated with all this once I’ve gone. These people are more evil than Satan himself. And don’t be fooled by her working in the ‘non-profit sector’, that’s the biggest scam ever. UNICEF, for instance, who has fund drives a few times every year in public schools where they guilt all the kids into handing over their lunch money does raise a fortune by such means, but only 3 cents out of every dollar actually gets anywhere near the purported beneficiaries. The rest goes towards paying all the heavily padded salaries of the people running that organization. You can bet that all the “”charities” Dana has worked for aren’t much better. The whole business is a massive scam.
Its+a+gondola+a+mutation+of+spurdo+ 96b8dcfdd6356f by Mister-Seen
I’m doing my best to prove the flaws in their arrogant ideas. Just because they create a false world for people to mentally inhabit with their media and fill it with destructive ideas, people can choose to ignore that poison and go by real world observation and common sense instead. Their dangerous “ideals” permeate everything they film, print or record. I do, on occasion, watch old TV shows, see movies and read comics, but I know that those things represent false worlds. No one in their right mind would allow themselves to be seriously influenced by them. Also, I can understand why they thought that making someone’s life transparent would force them to conform and comply with the common mind (which they control with their media monopoly) but I think I’ve proven that it is very possible to speak and act independently despite all that. When I speak of making someone’s life “transparent” I’m only, of course, speaking about being able to see and hear everything they do or say since there’s no way as of yet to actually look into a person’s mind, but don’t worry, as I’ve said before, they’re working on that even as we speak. Anyway, I plan on surviving this horrible situation they have made for me and when it is over I plan on taking steps to ensure nothing like this ever happens to anyone ever again.

Actually, for now at least, things seem to be going even better now than I expected them too on all fronts. I’m very pleased and I’m maintaining my optimism and not feeling quite so fatigued anymore.
(BTW I recently added a tiny bit more to the end of my PID essay)

I was thinking lately about other reasons why Dana may have blown her top and started harassing me so energetically over the internet recently. This last occurrence happened about the time I mailed the Cease and Desist order to her at her home. Since she spies on me online using her privileged access to my Deviantart account she was able to read it before I even sent it to her (I foolishly saved a copy of it in my “stash’ after I wrote it out) so she already knew what I was preparing before I sent it. I sent it certified, so of courser, since she knew what it was she refused to sign for it and had the carrier lie for her saying she couldn’t deliver it because the address had no receptacle for mail (that was the odd “reason” written on the envelope when it was returned to me). That’s okay, the public saw it and knew what it said so there can be no question concerning how I feel about my lifelong persecution at their hands. I think she was just enraged that I actually have her new address. I guess she thought she was hiding from me up there in Oregon. Fortunately we have a mutual acquaintance I guess she’s forgotten about so all her movements are known to me. Anyway I’m just guessing here trying to figure out her motives. I may be wrong since it’s often impossible to fathom the twisted minds of some of these media miscreants.

Just checking in:

From Deviantart:

77ac71ffa945940ae41ed36860bd1052b329e1d6e977e407e5 by Mister-Seen
As you may know I’m not too keen on cinema, but my new favorite movie is “The Man Who Laughs”, a 1927 film based on the Victor Hugo novel “The Laughing Man”, which is about a child from a royal family who is kidnapped and disfigured, forced to live his life as a sort of clown to make buffoons laugh. Don’t ask me why, but somehow the movie speaks to me. I have no idea why though.

I just did a little research on Bob Powell, the comic book artist. I think his best work was done for Harvey comics, their “horror” line especially, although he’d worked in the industry since the beginning (1938). Unfortunately he died in 1966 of pancreatic cancer, but immediately prior to that he was the editor of “Sick” magazine. I also found out that he was born one year after my maternal grandfather in 1916 and that he attended the same high school in Buffalo Now York that he did too, “East High”. That’s quite a discovery, I wonder if they actually knew each other? Well, they’re both gone now so there’s no way of knowing, but it’s interesting to think about all the same.

In other Ron related news I’m drinking apple juice from now on. I used to drink lemonade, but I noticed the very first ingredient listed on the pink lemonade is high fructose corn syrup. In fact it’s the first ingredient listed on all the juice concentrates except cranberry and apple, possibly orange too but I didn’t check that. I’ve read somewhere that drinking a lot of that high fructose stuff can impair one mentally, plus, since I almost got diabetes I should probably stay away from artificial sweeteners. (actually I just did some more research and I can’t drink anymore fruit juice AT ALL until I get checked out and the doctor gives me the green light!)

Last night I thought I lost my wallet. Talk about an anxiety attack. I had forgotten that it was in my book bag. I put it there because I didn’t wear my jacket when I went to Big Lots yesterday because the weather has been getting almost unendurably hot lately.

I just burned the fuck out of my fingers with boiling hot water this morning. Hurt like hell too, I was dancing around yelling for ten to fifteen solid seconds after it happened. They haven’t started to blister yet but damn do they hurt and I have lots of stuff to do today!
It’s now a couple hours later and they don’t hurt so bad at all. If I’d actually touched the stove or an active burner I know I’d have blisters by now. Funny, I thought boiling water burns would be worse, but I guess dry burns are worse because of more tissue damage or something.

I just came home from running errands and I see our local meth/homeless community is thriving. I think it’s funny when I see all those bums with their begging signs that end with, “God bless” or, “B safe!” because I know most of those people would slit your throat for a dollar if they knew they could get away with it.That bitch Dana Brownfield manage to render me homeless eleven years ago through an elaborate scheme that went on for a number of years. I was living out of my car for a month or two but I never panhandled. I got a stipend from the government, but living on the street is much more expensive than most people realize. You can’t prepare your own food for one thing and parking costs money, plus I had a bit of a habit. That was the only thing that kept me from losing my mind and killing myself during that ordeal.

Having psychotic, power mad rich fucks on the warpath against you trying to kill you nearly your entire life while televising it and slanting everything so you seem like the fuck up obviously makes life much more difficult than it is for people who are allowed to live normal lives unmolested. I used to sometimes tell myself they were just testing me. I did this so the whole experience wouldn’t seem quite so threatening, but, of course I was only trying to fool myself. The night before that Dana bitch kicked me out (after her broadcast made sure the entire community of the San Francisco Bay Area was hostile towards me) she had one of her asshole friends hack into my cellphone and delete all my contacts and she even snuck into my room as I was sleeping and stole my driver’s license out of my wallet hoping to get my car taken away from me so I wouldn’t even have that anymore. That sort of behavior goes far beyond mere testing deep into homicidal psychopath territory. What an evil POS. Fortunately I still had my old, expired license in my wallet and the cops could use that to see that I had updated it. I guess she feels she’s painted herself into a corner and has no choice but to kill me to save herself. She certainly doesn’t want to deal with me anymore once I’m finally independently wealthy. Well, it’s not my fault she went overboard meddling with my life making it into a living hell, I certainly shouldn’t have to die for her fucking sins- although she seems to think that I should. What an entitled bitch. She seems to be incapable of restraining herself. When she feels she has absolute power over someone she just goes nuts. She obviously has a lot of pent up anger inside her, but why? She’s privileged as fuck and always got treated with favoritism her entire life. Despite this she’s been using her position in the media to make my life needlessly difficult. Well, judgement day is fast coming and she will stop at nothing to avoid it. All I know is that I will have to survive all the snares and obstacles she’s always laying before me if I ever want her to answer for any of the fucked up shit she has done to me.

33765897 1836793319717499 7771187613473439744 N by Mister-Seen
I’ve been thinking, I know I’ve said that Dana Brownfield found a way into my computer but I just realized that all the really weird things that have happened to me online, like my posts being deleted while I was in the process of writing them, have happened on this site, Deviantart. Her lack of self control always gives her away. I think Dana must be either working or volunteering for them and is using her position to harass me.

She may be trying to shut me down so I can no longer give my side to things, but she is also very immature and prone to childlike temper tantrums so she could just be angry that I’ve yet again foiled their nefarious plans to destroy me and this is just her doing her best to try and hurt me through any and all means available to her.

You may have noticed that I’ve put all my deviations into storage except a few recent prose pieces, yet despite the fact the public can no longer see any of my work yet another piece has been pulled today. How can someone be reporting my work if the public can’t see it? This is proof that this is an inside job since only the staff at DA can see stored work. These pieces have been up at least six to eight years yet eight of them have been reported and pulled in the last few days, and often for very exaggerated or ambiguous reasons. This is textbook harassment. I’m not particularly upset about the pictures getting yanked as I have no doubt they have everything I’ve ever posted online up at their illegal website, I just don’t want to lose this soap box because I get quite a bit of traffic here.

Damned good thing I moved away from the Berkeley/San Francisco area or all those true believers would really be giving me hell right now. Dana’s tentacles reach out here too but I’d really be suffering right now if I was still in the belly of the beast.

Again, in case anything ever happens at this account you can read all my latest posts and updates at the following two locations:

Important Update:

From Deviantart:
To start off with I just want to say a few words about Karen. You may recall an earlier post where I mentioned that I felt I was visited by the spirit of Karen’s mother because I promised her that I’d help take care of Karen after she left. Why did I promise Karen’s mother I’ll take care of her? Because I feel I owe her a debt.

One of the main reasons I’d developed so many bad habits during the past 25 years was because that damned show had been systematically pruning my life of not only meaningful relationships over the years, but all forms of human contact. In that time they’d managed to totally isolate me from everyone else. Since there wasn’t anyone I cared about in my life anymore, and no one seemed to care about me, I not only developed a lot of antisocial tendencies, I wasn’t very fastidious about looking out for my health either. I think most mature people look out for themselves because they know that they affect the people around them. If you allow your health to deteriorate you become a burden to your friends and family. If you die you create emotional hardship for those who care about you, but I can’t say I was thinking about all that when I finally decided to get my thing together.

I admit my motivations were more selfish originally. I knew a lot of rather disgusting and slimy types wanted me out of the picture, this seemed to include nearly all of the maladjusted losers in the Bay Area. I didn’t know many of these people, never even met them before in fact. I didn’t even know anybody they knew, but, retards that they are they saw me presented negatively on the idiot box and, based on that alone, decided that I needed to die. Well, fuck those fools. I don’t oblige morons so I decided to clean up my act. I had decided to stop doing a lot of the stuff I was doing once I made this discovery, but something about having someone in my life who actually seemed genuinely concerned about me, someone who seemed to worry about me even when I wasn’t there was the final detail I needed to solidify my determination to make it all happen and basically become a better person.

If I’m honest with myself I have to admit that I have reason to suspect that everybody I know is involved in this conspiracy against me, even if it is in only a marginal way, but Karen did help save my life. At the very least she did help me to get more firmly in charge of my own behavior. Her just being there gave my life the very meaning those media assholes had been trying to withhold from me since I started high school, so if I live long enough to get my reward I feel it’s only right that I use part of it to help her. Of course there are many people who don’t want me to ever get my hands on that reward and these people feel compelled to make trouble for me at any and every opportunity hoping against hope that they can give me a push or a shove in the wrong direction and be instrumental in getting me to finally crash and burn. ‘Crash, burn and blow’ up ideally.

Someone may be trying to have my account here shut down. For the future, in case anything like that should ever actually happen here’s some of the other places I post these journal entries if you care to keep up on them:

I post these entries in several places online so that I know I can always speak directly to the public about these media jerks and everything they are doing to me.
At first I thought they were just trying to shut me down so they could regain their monopoly over the story of my life, but I’m pretty sure they link back to this journal on their website so that wouldn’t make a hell of a lot of sense. Of course it could just be some true believer who thinks everything they see on television is completely true and has made it their mission to shut me down because they think I’m evil or some bullshit.

Actually I think it’s most likely Dana K. Brownfield and her media cohorts could very well be behind this, but their shutting down my DA account would just be a means to an end, assuming that’s even any part of their plan in the first place. At first it crossed my mind that one of my posts may have pissed them off and they didn’t want the public to read it. I was specifically thinking of the “Cease and Desist” post when this idea occurred to me. Then I remembered that lately Dana been making it obvious to me that she is in my computer (via either some back door that was built into it or through a keylogger program) so if she didn’t want the public reading a specific post of mine she could just go ahead and delete it herself. Considering all this I’m fairly certain that this newest harassment is simply meant as another one of their distractions.

I’ve long noticed that one of their favorite tactics is to try and overwhelm me with a bunch of irrelevant annoyances whenever I have to deal with anything genuinely important to my well being. I think there’s a term for this: “taking out a mortgage” on someone. One guy holds you down while a bunch of other guys pummel you black and blue- only figuratively in my case, but they have done this to me a few times before so I know it’s definitely their preferred method of operation.

Whenever I have to focus on a serious problem I find myself suddenly vexed by an onslaught of other troubles from all directions of varying degrees of urgency. These serious problems requiring my undivided attention that I’ll need to deal with are usually problems they themselves have created for me. They always hit me hard and fast with all these distractions while I’m faced with these difficulties to try and make me fail at whatever it is that I need to do to overcome them. I do realize that’s how life is a lot of times, but in many of these cases it’s just uncanny how orchestrated and choreographed these assaults obviously are. As I’ve told you several times before, they prefer to work secretly behind the scenes because they want all my life’s setbacks as well as any mistakes I make when trying to deal with them to appear as though they are all entirely my own fault, which is kind of ridiculous when you consider that for decades now they have been making a defamatory television show about me for a living. Common sense should tell anyone that I already have a world of extra problems just by being the focus of a shitty show like that alone. I already know they’ve been kicking up their on air defamation of me during the past week or two judging by how hostile people have been behaving towards me lately. If you recall I told you they do that every time I have to face unusual challenges. They obviously do that to make these challenges seem much more imposing than they otherwise would. Everything seems much more intimidating when we find ourselves immersed in negativity.

This making trouble with my DA account is only one of several problems that they are making for me right now. They appear to have a lot of influence and also have some pretty surprising connections, so I’m sure many of you would think I was delusional if I told you some of the other things they are doing to make my life difficult for me now. That’s okay though, I have my priorities straight and I know what I need to focus on. Nothing will cause me to deviate from the path I have before me. I know how obsessed they are with destroying me, but I simply will not allow that to happen. I realize it may seem that I am jumping to conclusions by assuming all the bad things that are happening have been orchestrated by one small group of people, but, like I said before, the timing is much too suspicious so I can’t easily write any of this off as only a strange coincidence.
Anyway, write down or bookmark the above mentioned blogs because I may temporarily deactivate this account soon just so I don’t have to worry about it during this crucial period in my life. In fact I may even start a blog with my own name as a title so that anyone can find it during Google searches.

Anyway, I know why they want to distract me so I will not allow myself to be distracted. If I get through this thing okay I won’t even give a f*ck about this account anymore anyway because I’ll finally have genuinely interesting things to write about and I can take art lessons from the best so I could finally do some genuinely impressive work. That is assuming I still even want to do anything like that at all once I have the money to actually live well.

One of the things they are doing is going crazy reporting old deviations and getting them pulled. Actually the reasons given for the deletions of the deviations are pretty nit picky, and some don’t make any sense or just aren’t explained at all like in the example below. Based on how ridiculous of some of the reasons given are I suspect this may be an inside job, which doesn’t mean SF Commons has nothing to do with it. They have a lot of connections and are very good at pulling strings. Seriously though, come on, if DA has issues with an example of my work that is so strong they feel they need to pull it down from a gallery that I pay for I assume it must violate some very specific rule. Just saying that it’s “unacceptable” or that it has “unacceptable” details in it really doesn’t communicate anything. Especially since once they delete it you can’t go look at it for yourself to try and figure out exactly what the fuck they are talking about. This is only one example. Anyway I may just stay away from this account for a while and just come back when all this is over and just hope it’s still here when I get back because I simply don’t have the time to deal with any of this now. The only reason I’m writing this post is because presently its too damned hot to work.

I’d like to contact DA about this since I’m obviously the victim of yet another conspiracy here, but all I can find both here and on google are links to endless lists of FAQ with no way to directly contact anyone that I can see.

In the past couple of days five or six deviations have been pulled down. I’ve been here at least eight years so I have thousands of deviations up and I really don’t have time to comb through my whole account deleting anything that could possibly be reported and pulled by overzealous saboteurs. I certainly don’t have time to do that and do all the stuff I have to take care of in the coming couple of months to ensure my continued survival.

Of course I could be over reacting. These people have been pushing my buttons literally all my life so they are experts on how to agitate me. They probably aren’t trying to shut me down at all since links to sites like this one are one of the main attractions of their website. They’re probably just trying to get me worked up. Well, if you are reading this DKB and SF Commons, pat yourselves on the back assholes, mission accomplished. Anyway whatever happens to this site is totally meaningless when compared to my successfully getting through my present trial and winning this thing. I have to win this thing otherwise the lifetime I’ve spent suffering at your twisted hands will have been for nothing. Truth be told your trying to hurt me by doing petty shit like this only strengthens my determination to finally defeat you once and for all if anything.

Oh well, since this is likely being done to either drive me crazy or prevent me from taking care of business maybe the best thing I can do for now is just ignore all this bullshit and keep my eyes on whats at stake.
Considering what I have to gain it’s no wonder jealous people can’t stop fucking with me.