Anyway, I wanted to rework this piece touching on the two-facedness typical of his tribe, how he tries to come off like Crumb’s “Mr. Natural” while he’s more like Sinclair Lewis’s “Babbitt”, only without all the ethics, morality, and family values. However, because I happen to be busy at the moment I think I will just attach a piece I wrote specifically about all this around 7 months ago. It’s called, “Phonies”:
I strongly dislike phonies. I hate them. I’m sure I’m not alone in this since many people profess a strong aversion to insincere people, but, considering there are so many duplicitous individuals out there one could naturally conclude that the revulsion expressed towards them can’t actually be all that intense since it seems to do nothing to discourage people from taking up the practice of being a fake. There seems to be more of them every day. However, I assure you, my revulsion for them is quite genuine. You may then well wonder why I chose to be an ‘artist’ since that business has, likely, more shysters and mountebanks involved in it than any other. It is a commonly held fact that all the “creative” fields suffer from this excess of pretentious do nothings. All I can say concerning that is that I didn’t feel I had much choice in the matter since making pictures was pretty much the only thing I was ever any good at. I’ve tried my hand at many other things and inconsistent mediocrity seemed to be the highest standard I was capable of achieving. Most fields, practical fields at any rate, don’t leave much room for originality and uniqueness since there are only two ways of completing a task, the “right” way and the “wrong” way. Only in the various fields of the plastic arts is one encouraged to be novel, to be different, and I am nothing if I am not different.
You may be interested to know that there was a period in my life when I was very hesitant to publicly profess myself an artist, at least not with any degree of enthusiasm. The reason why I felt too embarrassed to admit I was serious about art was because the field was so crowded with wannabes and pretentious posers, and I was understandably chary of associating myself with such intensely tedious and unpleasant characters. However now, possibly because I have distanced myself from humanity as a whole, I am no longer unduly apprehensive about claiming that trade as my own. This is obviously because I am no longer as concerned about what others think of me. The vast majority of the human race is insufferably dim anyway, so clearly it’s far more trouble than it could be worth to worry about what kind of impression one leaves on this ocean of imbeciles.
Back on the subject of phonies, I know nature encourages those who cultivate false impressions. For example you are much more likely to be hired for a job if you look and act like you really don’t need the money it pays, just as women are more likely to sleep with you if they think you already have several girlfriends. Life is indeed unfair. But this is NOT what I am talking about. I’m talking about people who put on a big act pretending to be an altogether different person than who they really are, complete with different views and values to help them appear to be something or someone they are not in order to prey on the gullible and unsuspecting. Naturally I’m thinking about one person in particular since it was an exchange I recently had with that person that sent me thinking in this direction.
There’s this guy, we’ll call him “Mitch” I’ve known since we were teens. When I met him he seemed to me to be a typical Valley guy. Of course we both grew up in the San Fernando Valley. He was into skate boards, smoking weed and rock music, just like nearly everyone else I know back in the early eighties. We were friends and I don’t recall any time he wronged me, except maybe once when he went behind my back and slept with an older woman I had already slept with. That was no big deal, that woman was over ten years older than us, so she clearly had something wrong with her since she liked teen aged boys and you how boys that age are.
By the way, his mother was jewish and typical of her kind. She was generally not very likable and chain smoked constantly and was overall unpleasant. Mitch couldn’t get along with her so he had to live at a group home for boys when I knew him. He just seemed like a regular guy, only he always seemed over obsessed with sex and liked smoking weed and drinking a bit too much. That was my personal impression at any rate.
Well, he went off to college while I moved back and forth between the Valley and the Bay Area working a number of various low paying jobs, mostly at book stores. I visited him a few times at the University he was attending in Humboldt. A total party school, naturally. We did a little coke dropped a lot of acid and picked and ate psilocyben mushrooms. He, of course, wasted his time studying pretty useless subjects, at least as far as gainful employment, Psychology and Marine Biology.
Anyway this guy was just partying his way through life. He knocked up some girl he knew at the University so they got married. He worked at several food services type jobs, but nothing interfered with his drinking until he showed up dead drunk at a waiter job and was stumbling around like a fool and got himself terminated on the spot.
This time I think his wife had had enough and was serious about leaving him since it was obvious he hadn’t the rudimentary self control necessary to keep even the crummy jobs he was getting. Women change once they have children and for her the party was definitely over. So, this guy, faced with losing his wife and family (and of course “homelessness) decided to get serious about Alcoholics Anonymous. He had been forced to attend meetings from time to time, but this time he was real serious about it. He became a real hardcore nazi about the whole thing, and he really pulled himself together admirably. Within a few short years he had started a successful tree care business and was soon pulling in way over $100,000 per annum. Every thing was going great until he fell off the proverbial wagon and started philandering around. He met some gypsy tramp at the nudist resort he liked visiting called Harbin Hotsprings Retreat. She was ten years his senior but she was a real vixen and was up for anything. According to him, now that his wife had borne him three children, two girls and a boy, she had entirely lost interest in procreational activities. This shouldn’t surprise anyone terribly assuming it’s true, especially considering all three kids were unplanned. I do suspect that he may have been exaggerating a bit about this to gain sympathy for his subsequent actions. I always got the impression he was usually honest in his dealings with people while he was involved in the AA program. But this time he was drinking and drugging hard core so you had to take everything he said about anything with a shaker full of salt.
This was back in 2003. Since he started drinking then, except for brief flings with sobriety lasting a few weeks to a month or so, he has been at it most seriously. He also seems to have changed fundamentally as a person, or maybe he just reverted back to who he was before, but with a vengeance. He became more like Fagan from “Oliver Twist” than ever before. A real oily, slippery character. This is where the phoniness comes in. This is what inspired me to write this piece in the first place.
He always talks and acts like he’s stoned out of his gourd. He acts like he’s Mr. Spiritual and he doesn’t worry about anything material because he’s nature’s child and the universe will take care of him. He has no fear of death because he believes in the cycle of death and rebirth, only he’s not coming back this time because he’s so bloody spiritually evolved that next time he shuffles off his mortal coil he will be reunited with godhead. I swear, I can not even stand talking to him anymore because of his bullshit act. He obviously does it to impress women. He does massage work and reads tarot cards too. After he left his wife back in 2003 his jew mom died of cancer and left him a sizable fortune. He has a sister too (who he says he fucked when they met each other for the first time back in ’83 or ’84. LOL!), so maybe she got the other half. I don’t know, but however it was divided up he was a pretty wealthy man. Also, he now lives in Belize where the U.S. dollar has twice the buying power that it does here in the States.
One of the first things he did was buy a guest house near the ocean in Belize for around $200,000. At least that’s what he said he paid for it. He may just be saying he paid that much to garner sympathy because that is a ridiculously high price for that ramshackle, tumble down pile of weather beaten timber in that miserable crime ridden ghetto called Belize. I have, from time to time, amused myself by reading the Belizian news. Lots of gruesome homicides and mob hits. I mean, wow, like, an awful lot of violent ultra-violence there.
However, the business came with a glowing review in the Lonely Planet travel guide, which is a sort of bible for back packers and hitch hikers world wide. Mostly liberal kids who like to explore all four corners of the globe on a budget and on foot. Even though his house is a wreck and the town is a great place to end up knifed or shot, he is near a number of interesting tourist attractions. Caves, jungles with monkeys, Mayan ruins, scuba diving in the coral reefs, that kind of stuff.
One of the first things he did after he bought the place was try to nail every twenty something chick who booked a room there, and if you listen to him he was very successful at it. Then he proceeded to methodically drive the business into the ground. He’s been coasting by on that good review for 11 years now, but he’ll be fucked when they revise the book and update the reviews in it. He has been getting very bad reviews on trip advisory type websites for years now so I’m sure it has already negatively affected his business. According to these he overcharges, charges for services he didn’t provide, has real loud jam sessions with his stoner buddies after hours when guests are trying to sleep, the place is filthy, the stairs are unsound, it’s always full of cigarette and marijuana smoke, they have giant cockroaches, spiders, lizards, rats and bedbugs, an entire indoor ecosystem from the sound of it, oh, and as I already mentioned Belize city is a total negro toilet. Not the kind of place you want to wander around alone in, especially after dark. I’ve read all his reviews, some of them are so embarrassing to read. Even though none of it involves me personally I always involuntarily cringe when I read, or even think of them. Here’s a recent one just to give you some idea: “My girlfriend and I stayed at this hostel our last night in Belize City. The owner gave us an icky feeling right off the bat, but we thought he was just a really spiritual guy “oddball” so we gave him the benefit of the doubt. The entire time we were there he was highly intoxicated, made very inappropriate comments, and could not keep his hands off. It got so bad that we stayed in another fellas room because he tried to come into our room with a key! Aside from that, the place is a dump (cockroaches everywhere) To top it off, he demanded a big tip at the end of our stay. Do not support this guy“. Yeah, so, I’m sure you see my point.
Not long after he bought the property he and his home-wrecker got heavily into crack cocaine. Despite the fact that it’s considerably cheaper down there since they are very near the source, they went through an awful lot of his money very quickly, so they started pulling all kinds of scams on everyone they could to get the money they needed to support their expensive habit. I forget the insane amounts of coke they ripped through. Some guy who knew him filled me in on many of the details. Some German gay guy who I think had a weird crush on me. So, big surprise, the jewish spiritualist was a con man. Surprise surprise surprise. I think since he wasted such a large part of his fortune on it he finally wised up and got off the White stuff. This binge of theirs went on for a number of years and he not only depleted much of his own savings but the fool even managed to get himself into debt with some pretty scary gangster types. I remember hearing that he was desperately trying to sell the house. He was so high and out of it that he asked a million dollars for it. I remember seeing the ad he posted on a Belize forum. Man, he must have been flying off the map! Naturally all he got from the ad was laughter. When I confronted him with this episode he claims it was only a joke. Yeah, so crack must be quite a wild ride.
He has since managed to pull all kinds of scams to get out of debt, although he still claims to be flat broke. I strongly suspect he’s nowhere near as bad off as he lets on these days. I mean, he still drinks like a fish and smokes like a fiend and gets stoned all the time. There’s no way he supports himself entirely off the small trickle of business he gets through his guest house. So he definitely has enough money to get by comfortably, but when it comes to others he’s as cheap as hell though. His first daughter recently had a birthday. Guess what he got her? I’ll tell you, he posted THIS on his facebook page: “Hannah, you ready for your present from you past? You birth father is remembering mom bringing you out of the womb and into the room. What a bright light shined as you entered existence on mother earths space for you to share some time in the physical body with the rest of us. What a treat! I feel blessed to have been a part of your creation……Tears of joy my child, I love you deeply and you path I support in the spiritual world with open arms. Live and speak the truth my beautiful daughter. I am here with you on a quantum level……………Look after our brother and sister……..Wish you were here!!!!!! Namaste Hannah. I love you and miss your presence. Enjoy the ride my dear……………All my love to you today my dear. This is my gift….. Dad” I mean seriously, is this guy for real? Anyway, this guy’s FB page is pure comedy gold!! I swear you’ve never seen so much laughable, hippie/new age bullshit all in one place ever. Actually it’s just so damned pathetic and unintentionally hilarious that I’m just going to link you to it:
https://www.facebook.com/mitchell.s.early?fref=ts Hopefully you can see this zany crap. Just don’t hurt yourself when you fall down and roll all over the floor laughing your ass off!
Anyway, this trippy dippy hippie recently pulled off his biggest scam yet. Some ditzy liberal Australian girl who actually claims to be in love with with that stinky armpit of a country called ‘Belize’ really wanted to own his run down guest house and was even willing to pay over one hundred thousand dollars for it. Here’s the kicker, she had recently inherited around $150,000 from a wealthy aunt or something. It may have even been her father, actually. So here’s this screwball liberal girl who has fallen in love with that dysfunctional negro country who suddenly finds herself with, what to her at least, is a vast fortune at her disposal, and there was the cunning jewish hippie just drooling over all that money.
Of course I’m sure he buttered her up with all his guru talk, read her cards and came off like R. Crumb’s “Mr.Natural”. Apparently she bought his act hook line and sinker. I’ve never been able to get the details of their actual transaction. I got a different story from him every time I asked and the last time I asked I was curtly given the very unspiritual reply of “mind your own business”, and the girl isn’t frightfully bright, plus I suspect she may feel very self conscious and embarrassed by how stupid she was, but I get the impression she basically gave him the money without a valid contract, or maybe the contract they agreed upon she didn’t fully understand and somehow defaulted. All I know for sure is that she gave him over $100,000 and ended up with absolutely nothing in return.
I get the impression he actually used a lot of the money fixing up the property, or she spent the money fixing up the property because she believed it would soon be her’s. At any rate, despite this convenient windfall which just fell into his lap he still claims to be living hand to mouth. He is constantly thinking up all these wacky businesses and is offering everyone he meets the generous opportunity of getting in on the action at the ground floor by allowing them to invest in his scheme. He’s always hitting people up for money and trying to get people to even do all the work for him. Total TJB. Aside from his rickety dump he tried to start some kind of tourist business, like guided tours I guess. He at one point had plans for a skate park. That must also have to do with tourism as I doubt the negroes and mestizos in Belize are very keen on hot dogging around on skate boards. I forget all the wacky schemes he has had. I think his latest one has to do with getting government grants and doing something with seaweed farming. It was so screwy I forgot all the details, and the only reason I have any memory of it at all is because he was not only trying to get Karen to invest, but he also wanted her to do all the cold calls and emailing to get the business off the ground. For free of course, “but only just for now until all the money starts to roll in,”* I guess he plans to contribute to his own business by drinking and going for long walks on the beach every day.
I suppose we played him a cruel trick because I lead him to believe Karen was ridiculously wealthy. He actually had the audacity to badger her for money, of course he referred to it as contributions, or ‘investment opportunities”. He even asked her to buy him a cell phone once, and even hinted that ‘since I was so difficult to get along with’ maybe she should fly out to see him in Belize. I mean, damn, hard to get more slimy than that.
Anyway, I wrote all this just to explain why his spiritual guru hippie acts really grates on my nerves. He pretends to be all cool and mellow, not at all interested in money or the material world, yet, immediately beneath this facade he’s just another typical scheming semite looking and waiting for an opportunity to rip you off for as much as he can get. He even brags about associating with gangsters down there in Central America once you get him to drop the mask. I could go on but it’s nearly 1:30 in the morning so I need to go to bed.
He seems to think I shouldn’t have any problem getting on with my life and doing whatever I want to do despite how my character is constantly being eroded away in the public eye by nonstop slander (hell, I’m sure he himself has slandered me on this thing!) so even assuming he does stumble across this post I don’t see how he can complain very much about it.
“I’ll just sit and grin and the money will roll on in!”